Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Just wondering about the statistical possibility of going from about 20-40 with no long term (2 year+) relationships. I'm talking about people with no mental problems, no MAJOR hang-ups, just normal everyday people who do want relationships. Do you know anybody like this, and if so, do you have any theories about why they're still single?
Star Gazer Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 My roommate is 29 and is in the midst of her first serious relationship EVER...and it's only been about 5 months now. I don't think there's anything "wrong" with her in so far as relationships are concerned. Personally, I'd find someone who'd had multiple 2+ year-long relationships more concerning than someone who's never had one.
Yamaha Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I will say that if you get into your upper twenties and thirties and you still have not had a serious relationship alot of people will question your commitment level.
johan Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 1) I'm talking about people with no mental problems, no MAJOR hang-ups, 2) just normal everyday people who do want relationships. Assuming the person is exposed to society at large, I'd have to say no, it's not very likely at all. I can't imagine going decades without a relationship, all the while wanting a relationship, and have no major hangups. Clearly the person would have to have something going on mentally to prevent them from ever putting it together. Extreme shyness or bad partner selection or commitment problems or hatred/distrust of the opposite sex. Something like that would have to be the explanation. I guess if those things fit into your definition of "normal with no MAJOR hangups", then you might disagree.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 Interesting, StarGazer. Yamaha, I don't include commitophobes in my question. I am talking about people who are capable of sustaining a relationship I'm asking this more from an "Is it possible to just not meet anyone you're compatible with physically and emotionally?" standpoint.
kashmir Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I'd say it's possible for a guy, but nearly impossible for a woman to go that long without a relationship.
johan Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I'm asking this more from an "Is it possible to just not meet anyone you're compatible with physically and emotionally?" standpoint. I suppose it might be. I've gone three years, actually longer, without meeting anyone in real life I felt strong chemistry with. The closest I've come was with someone online, but I can't deal with long distance.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 I'd say it's possible for a guy, but nearly impossible for a woman to go that long without a relationship. Kashmir, I've got nothing against you, (or your adorable avatar), but I find your attitude that women can just walk into a room and find a boyfriend rather unrealistic.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 I suppose it might be. I've gone three years, actually longer, without meeting anyone in real life I felt strong chemistry with. The closest I've come was with someone online, but I can't deal with long distance. I'm talking more of 5, 10, 15 years.
kashmir Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Kashmir, I've got nothing against you, (or your adorable avatar), but I find your attitude that women can just walk into a room and find a boyfriend rather unrealistic. Just stating my conclusion based on my primary and secondary observations. Girls are single when they're tired of guys. The moment they decide, "I want a boyfriend," they have a cool, sweet, and handsome guy within 2 weeks. Don't ask me how it happens...I ain't a chick. And that's me in my avatar, btw.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 Just stating my conclusion based on my primary and secondary observations. Girls are single when they're tired of guys. The moment they decide, "I want a boyfriend," they have a cool, sweet, and handsome guy within 2 weeks. Don't ask me how it happens...I ain't a chick. And that's me in my avatar, btw. Well, I know 2 girls (not me!) who have wanted a relationship for several years, and nothing. They're fairly attractive, and are doing interesting things with their lives.
Yamaha Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I would say if you're putting yourself out there and meeting guys and you still cannot find someone that you are physically and emotionally compatible with I would have a hard time believing you just haven't meet the right one.
MN randomguy Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 There would have to be something wrong. Not necessarily wrong with the person. Maybe if you're emotionally abused by your parents, etc. I've finally gotten a grip on what is fair treatment of me and what isn't. I need to distance myself from my family and find new friends... Then life will be sweet.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 There would have to be something wrong. Not necessarily wrong with the person. Maybe if you're emotionally abused by your parents, etc. I've finally gotten a grip on what is fair treatment of me and what isn't. I need to distance myself from my family and find new friends... Then life will be sweet. So you're saying if you reach like about 30 without having had a LTR, there was something wrong with your life that you can't come to terms with? So many emotionally abused people find good relationships, you know.
shylight200 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I think it's perfectly normal. I'm 22 and I've never had a relationship that's lasted more than a few months. I don't think that that means I have problems, I just think that it means I have not found the right person yet.
johan Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I think it's perfectly normal. Ok, I'm with you... I'm 22... Oops, you lost me.
MN randomguy Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 So you're saying if you reach like about 30 without having had a LTR, there was something wrong with your life that you can't come to terms with? So many emotionally abused people find good relationships, you know. Just speaking of my experience. Hopefully you're right. I had a 2 month relationship this summer, first ever. I just turned 29.
Nemo Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 The closest I've come was with someone online, but I can't deal with long distance. If you close your eyes, relax, and gently stroke yourself, it's almost like I'm right there with you. Baby.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 If you close your eyes, relax, and gently stroke yourself, it's almost like I'm right there with you. Baby. LOL. You and Johan are especially amusing tonight.
CandyGirlXO Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Personally, I'd find someone who'd had multiple 2+ year-long relationships more concerning than someone who's never had one. Really?? Hmmm I have had 4 relationships last over 2 years and I am 26! I just feel it, right now I WILL be single for A LONG time, and people always ask me why I am still single. Its hard to find a decent guy, and believe me I WANT one.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 Really?? Hmmm I have had 4 relationships last over 2 years and I am 26! I just feel it, right now I WILL be single for A LONG time, and people always ask me why I am still single. Its hard to find a decent guy, and believe me I WANT one. I don't know. This stuff seems really random; I don't see many correlations. You could take two people who look alike and act fairly similar and their relationship experiences could be entirely different.
Shygirl15 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 All I know is that it has never happened to me. Or to anyone I know of. And for that matter, I would consider it to be very abnormal.
CandyGirlXO Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 All I know is that it has never happened to me. Or to anyone I know of. And for that matter, I would consider it to be very abnormal. Most people I know have had at least one LTR, some more than others. But I don't think it is abnormal. I never thought that I would be stuck in the position that I am in right now, and I don't consider myself abnormal at all! I think I am a decent person, that has been unlucky in love... and life also. I do think sometimes its a matter of luck or chance. Some people never find that special someone. It absolutely is completely random. One lady that I can think of, she was beautiful, successful, in her mid 40's and has never been married. I think about her quite often because I always wondered why. She was great! And I could picture myself the same way, and not by choice. But maybe its a self-filing prophecy.
Author Isolde Posted November 29, 2008 Author Posted November 29, 2008 Most people I know have had at least one LTR, some more than others. But I don't think it is abnormal. I never thought that I would be stuck in the position that I am in right now, and I don't consider myself abnormal at all! I think I am a decent person, that has been unlucky in love... and life also. I do think sometimes its a matter of luck or chance. Some people never find that special someone. It absolutely is completely random. One lady that I can think of, she was beautiful, successful, in her mid 40's and has never been married. I think about her quite often because I always wondered why. She was great! And I could picture myself the same way, and not by choice. But maybe its a self-filing prophecy. I want to marry someday, but I could deal with never marrying if I had a couple of long term relationships throughout my life. I don't know. I'm getting terribly depressed thinking about this.
CandyGirlXO Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I want to marry someday, but I could deal with never marrying if I had a couple of long term relationships throughout my life. I don't know. I'm getting terribly depressed thinking about this. Thats what you think, but once you are in love you will probably want marriage, and not be happy just in a LTR. Also a break-up to me is one the of the worst things that I have ever experienced and I swore up and down that I wish I never experienced it because it is too painful once it ends, and it makes you lose a lot of trust and faith in people. Its tough to give your all to someone that you love, want to spend your life with them, and then years later they end it, and you are left on your own wondering WTF happened.
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