ziggyman Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I have been with my girlfriend for just over 2 years now, and she wants to get engaged soon, like in the spring/summer. We are going to have to save a while to get a nice ring, but I don't know if I am ready. I am 23 and she is 21. We do pretty much everything together, and I love her so much. We have been through quote a bit together, and I know that I want to marry her, I just still feel that I am too young. Maybe I am comparing myself to my brother who waited like 8 years to get engaged and got married this year. Maybe I am ready, but I just feel scared about money to get married, or maybe I'm just not ready. I feel a bit pressured, as at first when I wanted to wait longer, she got upset and kept talking about it till I gave her a time closer to now to get engaged. Am I being stupid? I don't want to upset her, and I do want to get engaged, but I also don't. Maybe I should just do it, it won't change anything! But them I am going to think did we get engaged cause she wanted to, or cause we wanted to? It's driving me crazy, and don't know what to do or say.
corazoncito Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Do NOT get engaged if you don't feel 1) 100% ready to be married and 2) 100% sure you want to be married to this specific woman. Breaking off an engagement later down the road is a nightmare, and getting a divorce is even worse. It sounds like you have legitimate doubts. There's nothing wrong with that. But be up front with your GF about them too. Don't just go along with what she wants and don't keep your reluctance to get married secret. Let her know what you're thinking. If you have a strong relationship with good communication, mutual respect, and maturity (which you will need as a basic foundation for a marriage), she'll be willing to listen to you. If she just gets angry and refuses to discuss both your feelings, then it sounds like she just wants to be married for the sake of being married, and you happen to be the guy she's with, so why not pick you.
norajane Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Have you discussed where you will live now, and in the future? Have you discussed your views on children, how many, and when? Have you discussed cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning the toilets and other household chores and what your expectations are for who does them, when, and how often? Have you discussed your views on money, budgets, careers, will she be a stay-at-home-mom or will she work after the children come? Have you discussed what kind of lifestyle you want to live (traveling, two-career family or just one, saving for college educations for your kids or spend it while you've got it, big house and Jimmy Choo boots, or modest home and lots of savings, a house full of people and entertaining and going out all the time, or movies on the couch with popcorn just the two of you)? Have you discussed religion? Political views? Are you compatible sexually? Are you compatible with your lifestyles (does she go clubbing while you like to stay home? do you like mountain biking, scuba diving and triathlons, and does she enjoy those things or does she not do any of those things with you? How does your family feel about her and how does her family feel about you? Where are you both in terms of college and education and jobs? Unless you've discussed ALL of these things and you are good with the answers, you should hold off getting married. You're so young and the decade ahead of you is a time of HUGE ENORMOUS change. You will not be the same people that you are today in 5 years, nor will you want the same things that you want today. Give it a lot of thought and discussion in terms of the details before making a LIFETIME commitment.
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