So I Just Broke NC

[Jordan51]

After a mutual agreement where my ex told me to call her in a few months once my therapy was done I decided sending an email would be a better bet in case she didn't want to talk to me anymore. I just sent her this message, just wanted to know if i came off too strong or what.

 

Hope life is treating you well; so much has changed for the better these past few months. Well I know we agreed that I’d call you when everything was said and done but I’m really not even sure you want to talk to me so I figured sending a message would be best, that way I can leave it up to you to determine our friendship. Well I’ve moved on and I’m sure you have also, is it possible we can still be friends without it negatively impacting your life? Well I’m going to end it off by wishing you a happy early birthday (on the 15th right?) /holidays, If I don’t hear back from you I wish you all the best in life, you deserve it. Take care.

 

- M

 

 

So anyways I'm over her but I don't like to burn bridges, did I get my point across here?

[moonmoon]

who dumped who? did you really want just a friendship?

seems like a decent letter to me

[Jordan51]

I dumped her.

[msjules]

It's not too strong, but it IS a reminder that you are broken up, and if she is still hurting it probably didn't help any. If my former boyfriend would have sent that to me in a similar situation I would have been hurt. But that's just me....

[EmperorR]

I dumped her.

 

if you dumped her then why are you emailing her? you know I'm sorry but your probably hurting her more with that email. She was probably getting better going NC, detoxifying herself from you, and then bam. I remember I was doing fine good, until my ex sent me a txt, and it felt like day 1 again.

[trex]

Yeah I agree. If you dumped her, the last thing she wants to know right now is that you've moved on and are doing great. The message itself was nice and short, and it generally came off as pretty warm.

[ninjaturtles]

Ummm...no you did not come on too strong. However, I bet you she would be very upset about the break up. If you broke up with her, it doesn't helo to tell her you have moved on. Obviously she has not... You are only reinforcing that you dumped her, you are moving on fine and if she does not respond, you wish her a good life. Tough luck to her! Ouch. Well, it's done now. I do feel a bit sorry for her though. I would prefer to think that my ex did not move on so easily...lol. Are you sure you are over her? Why did you send her that message? She did not contact you, so why did you rub it in her face that you have 'moved on'? Talk about adding salt to an injury. (Unless she cheated on you and you dumped her or something along those lines). If not, why did you do what you did? It is very strange ...

[Geishawhelk]

Well, a lot of people on here are suffering - really emotionally suffering - because their ex- (male or female) broke up with them, and are all fighting with every fibre of their being to resist contacting said dumper-ex- for fear of opening wounds.

 

And a lot of people complain and really feel distressed because their ex - said dumper - insists on contacting them, and "touching base" to ask such questions as "how you doing?" or "Just thought I'd see how you're getting on" or "I have met this wonderful guy/gal"....

 

And the dumped, making huge, gargantuan efforts to keep NC, even though it feels like it's killing them, from moment to moment, come in here and vent, complain, cry, gnash their teeth and moan about the heartless, callous and mistifying behaviour of a person who dumped them, contacting them.

 

You obviously haven't been paying attention, or ignoring such threads, or feel that the situation couldn't possibly apply to you and your ex, or you really are so concerned about your own progress and well-being, you haven't stopped to consider what a blow to her emotions this would be.

 

So why on earth do you think it would be of any benefit to her, for you to break NC and invade her life again?

What good do you think it's done?

 

Why did you do it?

[Angel1111]

I don't really see the point in this, either. Why write someone to tell them that you've moved on? And if you're the one who ended the relationship, why was there an agreement to contact one another after your therapy was done? Does that mean there was some majic cure at the end of it all?

[Jordan51]

Well if you guys knew the back story it would all make sense. Let me clear a few things up. I broke up with her because I have health issues that kept getting in the way and it wasn't fair to her. She knew I was going to therapy for this problem. We talked for about 2 weeks as "friends" until I noticed she would only want to talk to me when SHE called me. Anyways I called back and told her listen, it's obvious we can't just be friends right now but I still value your friendship. I explained maybe we need a few months away from each other completely before we can achieve a decent friendship. She agreed w/ me and told me to call her when my therapy was done. During this time she started seeing another guy, she told me she was attracted to him before we went NC and I was cool with it which is why I mentioned her moving on. So I'm not really rubbing anything in here, we both agreed to get back in contact 3 months from when we broke up, but to make things easier for her rather than give her a phone call I sent her a message and left it up to her. Sure I'd love her as a friend but after everything I put her through because of my condition if she doesn't want to be friends that acceptable as well.

[Angel1111]

Well if you guys knew the back story it would all make sense. Let me clear a few things up. I broke up with her because I have health issues that kept getting in the way and it wasn't fair to her. She knew I was going to therapy for this problem. We talked for about 2 weeks as "friends" until I noticed she would only want to talk to me when SHE called me. Anyways I called back and told her listen, it's obvious we can't just be friends right now but I still value your friendship. I explained maybe we need a few months away from each other completely before we can achieve a decent friendship. She agreed w/ me and told me to call her when my therapy was done. During this time she started seeing another guy, she told me she was attracted to him before we went NC and I was cool with it which is why I mentioned her moving on. So I'm not really rubbing anything in here, we both agreed to get back in contact 3 months from when we broke up, but to make things easier for her rather than give her a phone call I sent her a message and left it up to her. Sure I'd love her as a friend but after everything I put her through because of my condition if she doesn't want to be friends that acceptable as well.

 

Oh. Well, in that case, I would've just left it alone because if she started seeing someone after this agreement was made, then I would've considered it null and void. But since you sent the email and are just wondering if you came on too strong or not, I'd say that overall it was ok, but I wouldn't have questioned when her birthday was. Kind of sounded like a little bit of a jab. I'm not sure I would've made the 'I've moved on/you've moved on' comment either. It sounded somewhat defensive, or more like a pre-emptive strike, if that makes any sense.

 

Has she responded to your email?

[pandagirl]

I don't think there's anything wrong with sending her an email. I think we would all ideally like to be friends (or at least on friendly terms) with our exes. He is just touching base with her to see if that can happen.

 

Jordan sounds like a pretty thoughtful guy who would truly like to have this girl in his life. However, are you SURE that you don't have feelings for her anymore? It seems like you do.

[DSM-IV Tom]

I don't think being friends with an ex is a good idea. I just don't in general. Maybe one out of every 100 breakups can result in a lasting friendship.

 

What did you go to therapy for, if you don't mind me asking?

[Jordan51]

OK guys, HUGE MISTAKE!!! I just got this E-Mail from her this morning......

 

"So, I got your message on face book and I didn't want to respond back through there b/c I wanted to email you. Of course, when I read it I cried..haha what do u expect its me?! I cry all the time!! it was really ****ty how things had to happen and your right I moved on and im really happy and I am happy to hear that you have too and things are a lot better. It just sucks all the drama that had to happen in order for you to feel better. But what is done is done. How is Nathan and the rest of your family? I miss that rotating baby haha...So long story short...I really would like to be friends but I am not sure right now is best...its obvi going to take some time and also...I am going to JAMAICA!! w/my sister for my birthday im leaving on the 13th and come back on the 20th...so maybe we can try later on in the new year? so as for now take care of yourself!!!"

 

When I read that I feel like I took a few steps back...... I thought we could be friends but I'm starting to think I'll never be able to look at her as a friend and nothing else. I guess I'm going to ignore it..... should i just delete it and never respond back?

[Angel1111]

I think ignoring it might make it look like you're still going through the drama. I would wait about 24 - 48 hrs, then respond back and say something along these lines: "Hey, thanks for your message and I'm sorry to have made you cry. I'm glad to hear that you're happy and, of course, you know that I'll respect your wishes about the friendship thing. I'm doing great and so is my family - thanks for asking. Best wishes."

 

Maybe some of the others here will have some better suggestions.

[Jordan51]

Hearing from her just gives me another false sense of hope, I mean I guess she still cares about me by her repsonse but the fact that she said she has moved on basically means we're done for good. Looking at her as a friend will be near impossible am I right?

[Federica]

Thread closed by request of OP.