Vicious_Delicious Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Hi all, I'm new to the relationship thing and I'm currently with a girl that is much more experienced than me, both in relationships and sexually. She is my first girlfriend and my first sexual partner. I'm 25, she's 24. We've been together for about 4 months now. I've had my share of insecurities and conveyed them to her but she reassures me that I have nothing to worry about. However, last night, we were fooling around in bed and somehow we ended up on the topic of her ex boyfriends and sex. Somehow we ended up on the biggest she's been with, and my dumb ass went ahead and asked. She even said she wasn't sure she should tell me but I insisted. So, she tells me that one of her exes had a friggin 9.5 inch penis. Then she went on to say that she loves big dicks. Now, I'm average, I coc...er i mean, clock in at 6 inches. But now I can't help but feel horribly inadequate for her. That and the fact that I'm so sexually inexperienced doesn't help. She doesn't have issues having orgasms with me at all, but now I think I'll always have the problem of worrying that I'm not enough for her. I love this girl, and she loves me (she said it first a while back), so I want to make sure I don't use this information against her or try to resent her for telling me. What the hell can I do? I don't want to have to worry about this ****, which is why I'm reaching out right now before I give myself more time to dwell on this. Should I talk to her about it? And how the hell can I bring it up to her without sounding insecure (if at all possible)? Help me out here.
SushiX Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Now, I'm average, I coc...er i mean, clock in at 6 inches. But now I can't help but feel horribly inadequate for her. That and the fact that I'm so sexually inexperienced doesn't help. She doesn't have issues having orgasms with me at all, but now I think I'll always have the problem of worrying that I'm not enough for her. I love this girl, and she loves me (she said it first a while back), so I want to make sure I don't use this information against her or try to resent her for telling me. What the hell can I do? Help me out here. What's the concern? You said she doesn't have problem having orgasms with you. What more does she expect? Multiple orgasms? Some women can't orgasm from penetration at all. She should feel lucky. You got nothing to worry about.
Author Vicious_Delicious Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 well, there are times i have trouble keeping it up due to the fact that i'm not used to wearing condoms. And there are times when I don't come at all, and I worry that she is turned off by that. So there are other insecurities that come in to play too. I've also become quite accustomed to looking at porn and pleasing myself over the course of my epic long virginity. The whale penis thing was just another thing added to the pile of insecurities. But she's very patient and very reassuring and does a good job of making me feel good when we have sex.
Habibti Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Okay, no one wants a whale penis REALLY. Maybe if you're gapped then you need one, but seriously. I would be thrilled to be with 6 inches over a whale penis, I mean you can't drive a mercedes up in for my crying out loud.
prettybaby Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Well the problem obviously lies in your own psyche. She clearly enjoys sex with you, so objectively speaking, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. I find it weird that people would compare each other's sex past though, especially so early on in a relationship. Some stories slip here and there over the years, but it's never a good subject early on. Well it's done now, so you can only accept it. It really seems to be an ego issue; so the good news is, once you build up more confidence, it shouldn't bother you so much anymore.
Author Vicious_Delicious Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 Yeah, this really all boils down to my confidence level and the fact that I'm insecure about a lot of things. This also has become kind of an issue in our relationship, and I've been taking great strides to overcome the insecurity. But there are times when something will come up and I feel I've knocked myself back to square one again. I'm going to be proactive about this, I'm going to read up on sexual positions and just become a dynamite lover. That's really all I can do if I don't want to let that **** bother me. One thing I do know for sure though is that she really gets turned on when I tell her about all the sex books I've been reading.
zhsoj Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 That's better... Just think about it this way: there are plenty of self-conscious guys out there that aren't getting any. Lucky bastard. On the plus side I got plenty of beer & whiskey.
jason83 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I think you've got the right attitude. Obviously you have no problem pleasing her...and that's what's most important, right? It's an expression of your feelings and you're getting the job done too! Look at different positions, be open about trying new things, and for goodness sakes if you're not going down on her, do it! Nothing will get her going like some good foreplay....and honestly from what I've been told, there aren't many guys that are great at that. Watch her reactions and explore.
BubblyPopcorn Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 This is like opening pandora's box. My issue is a three-some, it would take a lot for me to get past knowing if a bf ever engaged in one. I know it would be my issue and not theirs, so I think all of us can relate in a similiar fashion. Perhaps implement things you can do together, things you've wanted to try but haven't, etc., versus discussing past "relations". The sexual chemistry created is dependent on you and her together, versus the other stuff.
norajane Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Welcome to the world of sex, and to your first lesson: penis is just one part of sex, and penis sizee is not what makes sex good, great, or neither for a woman. Giving pleasure to your partner is about a whole lot more than the size of your dick. As you've been learning, different positions bring different sensual pleasures, your hands and mouth can rock her world as well or better than your penis, and size matters mostly in your head. Being a good lover means exploring each other's bodies and finding those places and caresses that make you each quiver. Great sex is about being open to each other emotionally and intellectually as well as physically, and about connecting through that intimacy and not just through penetration. Vaginas aren't 9.5 inches long. Her former lover wasn't getting his whole dick in there, fyi. G-spots are about 2 to 2.5 inches in. As long as your dick is longer than that, you can reach it. Her clit is on the outside. The size of your dick doesn't make any difference to her clit. Her labia, both inner and outer, are as sensitive as your balls. The size of your dick doesn't matter to her labia. Your fingers and tongue and lips and what you do with them matter much more to her clit, her labia, and her g-spot. Her mouth isn't 9.5 inches long either. You'll get a much more satisfying bf, and she'll have a much easier time giving one if your dick isn't that big. She's having sex with YOU, not your dick. You are more than your dick.
CarrieT Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Heck - look at it as a great opportunity! If you are really into the girl and you have a good relationship with honesty and open communication, take her to a Sex Shop and shop together for a big ole glass dildo! Instead of being self conscious about YOU and what you "think" is an inadequacy, you can turn it around and tell her that you care about her so much and want to give her everything she likes, that you choose and pick out the toy together. Then, you can use it on her while she sucks you. Or if you are into anal, you can start playing at double-penetration. Most girls have toys of some sort and it is only the best relationships where I've been with a guy who doesn't mind including them in our play. It could be a great advancement in your relationship AND your sex life! Heck, a lot of us have toys of various sizes for a reason! Even those of us that like big dicks don't want them all the time. Variety is what is fun.
norajane Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Oh, and for your condom problem, practice masturbating with it on, practice putting it on after you're hard and masturbate with it on (use lube). And lay off the porn and masturbation for a couple days before you see her. Also, a little lube goes a long way to making it feel better for you with a condom on, so make sure you get a bottle and use it to make her slippery before you go inside.
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