Not Coping Well --Running Into Him

[Prettyinblack]

I see alot of posts about running into the ex....So how about this one.....my ex and I are both musicians and I have been running into him WEEKLY with his new chick! Talk about wanting to curl up and die and feeling vulnerable. I am not coping well. I do not wish him well, I am angry and resentful, I do not even want to speak to him.

I do not blame the new woman...she is enamoured by him as I was when we first started....he is a slime...cheats, lies but presents as being such a nice guy.

We have TONS of friends in common due to the social circle and the musicians code is that everyone is *friends*...urgh! So, it puts everyone in this state of being uncomfortable, or maybe I think they are uncomfortable, and I feel embarrassed and humiliated. We were together 6 years and he wouldnt commit.....then the cheating started with me ending up with Herpes.

The last time saw him was 2 weeks ago at MY GIG.....god....I almost fainted when they walked in and it was 2 minutes before I was to be called to the stage. I performed but felt shaky and couldnt keep my focus.

He called my name out 2 times as I passed him by, was staring at me the whole time I was on stage rubbing the new womans back, ass, whatever....

I sent him and e-mail the next day saying that once again, we are NOT FRIENDS....do not speak to me, do not try to catch me eye and to leave me the Hell alone. I do not want him back.....I just feel devastated....I threatened that I would tell the new woman he has herpes and how he gave it to me if he tries to even make contact with me.

To make a long story short, he called a mutual friend of ours last week-end to talk to her about the e-mail.....saying he has moved on and will not try to speak to me again. He was trying to get me back in September but I didnt bite and then the next week, he shows up with this OLDER woman I had met wuite a few times throughout the year at this bar....couldnt believe it. Still cant.

He was the love of my life.....now he is some stranger that I dont even know.

We have the same social circle. Does anyone have any suggestions on how I can handle this....I am about one step from self imposed isolation so that I dont have to see him hanging with MY Circle but that seems to be what is happening.

I feel confused....love him but hate him. Want him back but dont. Want to scratch his eyes out but have far too much class for that. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

[gennamoon]

I so wish I knew what to say to you, but unfortunately I don't. I can give you my sympathies because I sort of understand what you're going through. My ex broke up with me the end of July, but we started hanging out together the end of August and continued until five weeks ago when he said we couldn't keep doing this. We have the same group of friends so it's made things very uncomfortable and awkward so much so that since he did this five weeks ago, he suddenly fell off the earth; however, last night a whole group of us were out and he showed up. I come to find out that my (so called) best friend (who was there two) and him having been hanging out aka dating for the past couple weeks. This is my friend that has been my friend for 10 years, saw both of my little girls born, has attended family things with me...I've cried to her about this breakup and this is what's happening. One of the things that makes me most sick is that I told her all sorts of things about him while I tried to analyze the things that have transpired between him and I since July...I have basically given her a roadmap to how to deal with him, date him, what to expect, whatever...had I known that she was going to start dating him I would have NEVER done that, but seeing that she has been a friend for 10 years I thought that was the natural thing to do.

 

Anyway, I'm sorry for going on about my story. I just wanted to share it with you and let you know I feel the pain, anger, upset that you're dealing with. I hope it gets easier for you.

[Sysyphus28]

Pretty IN black----

 

The circle of friends things can be a killer. You are almost forced to see your ex in a social setting which is toxic to your heartbreak recovery. You have to make an action step to avoid this scene for a certain period of time. I know you LOVE music, I loved going to shows twice a week. But I curbed going to shows and I try to pick and choose one's I know she will not be at. You might want to think of puting yourself in more safe locations, instead of right into the lion's mouth where you are going to see this guy. **It is not fun seeing someone who cheated on you and did you wrong. The good thing is: YOu don't have to put yourself in that discomfort. It is your choice to remain in the vicinity of a jerk you don't want to see.

 

Genna ---

Your friend who is "dating" aka "sleeping with" your ex has proven that she is not a friend worth keeping. Everyone knows that it is not appropriate dating etiquette to sleep with a close friends ex. It is warped and most of the times, unforgiveable.

 

I would never sleep with a buddies ex after he has been talking to me about how hard it was to get over her.

 

Thier is no justification. Freinds don't do that to friends. Thier are so many people in the world why did she choose him, and why would he be so disrespectful and date her knowing how close the two of you were.

People suck.