Trimmer Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I expected that he'd treat me the same way as he always has. I don't see how the "Backing Off" is done out of respect. Again, you're assuming, that he's doing this to appear less interested in me, due to the boyfriend. No, actually he would be doing it to BECOME less interested in you, due to the boyfriend. This only suggests that he is AFTER ALL interested in me, and doesn't want to jeopardize the relationship I have with him. Well, he asked you out, and we have to do a lot of reading between the lines in your posts, but it sounds like he asked, you declined, and then he asked if you had a boyfriend, yes? This should do more than just suggest that he is interested... Isn't it much more logical to NOT back off, and show me that he is truly not affected by me having a boyfriend? Backing off, just shows me that he cares in that respect. What part of "asking you out" are you not getting? Yes, he does care, yes he is interested. Showing you that he is "not affected by [you] having a boyfriend" would be deceptive on his part. He most certainly is affected by it: HE ASKED YOU OUT! He did ask me if I had a boyfriend, and in the heat of the moment, I panicked. I said yes, simply because: (1) I'm not attracted, nor interested in him. (2) I THOUGHT he understood the first time around when I declined his date (apparently not) so I couldn't come up with a better reason to politely allow him to stop showing interest in me. Well, mission accomplished - he stopped showing interest. As of recently, I have felt awful and sad about it, because I can see he has retracted away from me. He isn't as engaging and fun as before. I really thought he'd let it pass, and things between he and I would remain the same -or at least progress as usual. I suspect he doesn't see any opportunities for "progress." This sounds like a stall-out. The end of progress. However, whenever I see him (in person, NOT dating website), everything feels awkward. I don't know how to handle this situation. I understand that it was wrong of me to lie about this, but it's a done deal; I can't go back and fix it. Actually, whether it's wrong or not, I think is a gray area. I've heard it suggested to both sexes to "just tell him/her you're going out with someone already." The thing is, the context of that suggestion is always understood to be getting rid of someone who is showing interest, gently, without a lot of drama. Look, it's like you whipped out your spray can of Man-B-Gon and doused him, and now you're looking at the creature laying there gasping, a little confused and sad that you might have actually killed it. Or (cue the Thompson Twins and Simple Minds) this is like another John Hughes movie - guy is friends with girl, but once they both grow up a little and start to get "urges" and he opens himself up to her, resulting in an embarrassing rejection, he realizes that she really mostly sees him as a ride to school, where she (now the head cheerleader) has her eyes set on the quarterback of the football team. But oh, she'd really like to still be friends...
norajane Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Look, it's like you whipped out your spray can of Man-B-Gon and doused him, and now you're looking at the creature laying there gasping, a little confused and sad that you might have actually killed it. :lmao::lmao: Or (cue the Thompson Twins and Simple Minds) this is like another John Hughes movie - guy is friends with girl, but once they both grow up a little and start to get "urges" and he opens himself up to her, resulting in an embarrassing rejection, he realizes that she really mostly sees him as a ride to school, where she (now the head cheerleader) has her eyes set on the quarterback of the football team. But oh, she'd really like to still be friends... ...because she still wants the rides to school and the ATTENTION she was getting, especially as fill-in attention when the quarterback has his eye on someone else...
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