monica55 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Hello everyone! I am going through a very tough time and I am lost and I do not know what to do anymore. Please help me in any way you can... Here it goes..I have been seeing this guy for 9 months now and the problem with our "relationship" is that he doesn't want a girlfriend. I know, I know, if he says he doesn't want a gf I should just move on. But it's not that easy..and I'm sure you all know that. I am deeply in love with this man; I'm talking, head over heels. I have been in many relationships and none of them compare to this one. I love him so much and I would do anything for him. He has been deeply hurt in the past by his ex-girlfriend and I understand this. He claims that this is the reason he doesn't want to be commited to anyone. I have been so good to him and he even tell me this. I am so faithful and caring. He is such a nice guy and he's always there for me no matter what, through thick and thin. We aren't "dating" or "exclusive" but we act like we are. By this I mean, all of his friends think/say I am his girlfriend; when we go out in public we hold hands, etc..and I even met his family. The problem with me is that, I am needy and he hates this. I always want to call and talk to him on the phone when we're not seeing each other, but at times he gets irritated because he doesn't see the point of talking on the phone all the time. We talk three times a day and it's always been like this, the whole time we've been together. So my question is...What do I do? I am commited to him (even though we're not "technically" going out)..and I trust him, but I wonder...if he doesn't see us as "together" does that mean that he wants to explore whats out there? He has never done anything to make me think he's cheating on me...but then, how can I actually now and who would tell me if he did do something stupid? Also, a part of the problem is me. I think I am too needy. I like to talk to him twice/three times a day, because I'm used to it with him. I love talking to him. But I feel like he doesn't like talking to me. Sometimes I'll call and it'll take him 2 hours to return my phone call. I trust him, hes not doing anything behind my back I'm sure...but why are men so emotionless at times? I'm so emotional and I can't help it. P.S. Whenever I bring up our "situation" to him, he hates talking about it and doesn't understand how I can't "understand" where he's coming from. The way I see it is...if we're already acting like we're dating, and everyone thinks we are...WHY NOT MAKE IT OFFICIAL? What gives? He's not seeing other people and neither am I..so why can't we be together? Thank you for your help guys.
Geishawhelk Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 So, in your mind, going on with things as they are, where do you see this in a year? Nowhere? Worse? Nip it in the bud now. I think if he's the proverbial clam and undemonstrative partner, you might like to think about finding someone who answers to your needs. because if you're needy now, and he's unresponsive - you're going to be needier. The less he gives, the more you'll miss. Be brave, and move on.
aiina Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Hello Monica I believe you are excusing him too much. He was hurt on his previous relationship? well, here we are in a forum where nearly everyone have been hurt, but that is no reason at all to mess anyone new in our lives. You should focus more on yourself, if you are giving everything you have to give to a relationship when you are not even officialy dating, What will be the difference if you start dating? NONE. And what means to him not being commited to you? that he is able to find someone that suits him better. (hard to read, but awful truth) So, change yourself. See other people, go out with friends, try to plan your life without him. If he wants to spend time with you, he should invite you, he has to do some work. You are not someone standing at his door with a ribbon at the top of your head. When you have a life on your own you feel stronger, better, nicer and happier. believe me on this. If he wants to be part of your lovely-lovely life, he has to do some work. Remember, we all want what we don't have, so make him work to get you. & if he doesn't, well, he does not deserve you. Don't do his work, he is the man, he should be chasing you, not you asking him for a glance. At this point, you can turn this into a true relationship, but it's up to you to make the right moves and believe you can. First you have to do is to lose the fear of losing him, once you get that sorted, you'll shine! all best for you, you can really do it.
Author monica55 Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 Thank you guys for the support and the advice! I want to be a better person & I want to focus on myself, but whenever I try going out with friends, I just don't have fun anymore. Something is just not the same. It's like I don't let myself have fun and I dont know why.
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