psiloveyou Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Hi everyone, I have been browsing around and am really impressed with the advice that is being thrown up in response to questions. So I thought I would ask one of my own. I recently went out with a guy on what I had presumed was a date or similar. We had a great time and he seemed impressed. Shortly after he messaged me and was hinting about where we are gna go 'next time.' But there has been no follow up since. I have taken the relaxed approach and given him the benefit of the doubt, especially as we had a good time when we went out. Having not heard from him in 3 weeks, I sent him a message just saying hello etc. He replied and we had a text convo all night, mostly him keeping the convo going by asking questions etc. both of us cracking jokes and having a little laugh. 1 week later.....I haven't heard from him. I imagine he's not interested but I can't figure out why. Without sounding like an arse, I get alot of attention that I usually dismiss because I'm willing to wait for the right guy. I'm educated and starting a great career, of which he is in a similar field. I thought we might make a great match. I can't understand why he doesn't initiate contact anymore? What are the reasons for this kind of behaviour? If i didn't like someone I wouldn't keep texting back and forward all night. Neither would I take them out for dinner.Any ideas that would help me fill in the gap??
amymarieca Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 It sounds like he is playing the disappearing act on you. It really sucks when this happens. It seems like so many women go on dates with men, or actually start to date someone, and then one day the guy just disappears. And men say we are hard to understand! My theory is that the men who do that are just cowards. I had one guy do the same thing to me. We were dating and having a great time together. I thought maybe we could even end up having a relationship. Then one day, poof, gone! I went over it in my mind several times trying to figure out what I did wrong. The only conclusion that I can make that will keep me sane is that he really wasn't that interested and was too chicken to just say "I don't want to see you anymore." It sounds as though maybe you are in a similar situation.
Star Gazer Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I've been in this situation SO many times before! My best guess is that he's dating multiple people, keeping his options open, and got busy with one of his other options. I bet you he'll pop up again as soon as his other options stop giving him attention.
amymarieca Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I've been in this situation SO many times before! My best guess is that he's dating multiple people, keeping his options open, and got busy with one of his other options. I bet you he'll pop up again as soon as his other options stop giving him attention. I agree. I can't count how many times guys have contacted me months after seeing each other and wanted to go out. I just tell them too bad!
berrieh Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 What did you answer when he initially texted about "next time" and how quickly? Just how much of that text conversation was initiated by him? If everything you said is the full story, the other posters could be right about his dating multiple people, just being a coward/busy/thoughtless enough to disappear... OR it could be that he didn't think you were that into him since you weren't really responding in the way he expected. That does happen. I've had guys disappear on me and then pop up and admit that they thought I just wasn't that into them (in a lot of those cases, it was generally true, actually...though some of them became good friends later... but in a few, it wasn't!). Guys can get intimidated, too, and nowadays there are many men who aren't comfortable doing all of the initiating. (Actually, my best relationships have been with guys *I* asked out, ironically, perhaps for this reason.) Anyway, just another potential thought.
Shygirl15 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 . You don't even want to waste time with this type of a guy. Don't even bother to figure out why he's acting the way he does, just move on. PS: So during your all night text convo, did he care to explain why he disappeared for 3 weeks? If not, even more reason to forget about him.
shockandawed Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 It sounds like he is playing the disappearing act on you. It really sucks when this happens. It seems like so many women go on dates with men, or actually start to date someone, and then one day the guy just disappears. And men say we are hard to understand! I can assure you that behavior isn't gender specific. I agree with the others that he probably has more than one going on right now. It's possible that he could sense you aren't interested as well, but I doubt it, especially since you said you initiated the last text exchange and nothing since. I was casually dating when I met my current girlfriend. There was several girls I was chatting with, etc. When I started going out with her, she quickly became my only interest. It wasn't a slam on anyone else, just that I was only interested in seeing where things would go with her. I don't think it's right to keep dating people or chatting them along if developing feelings for someone else.
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