Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Oh they do drop signs- one key one is you can't do anything to make them happy no matter how hard you try its like you're locked out then they start trying to pick a fight or do a little things or say little things to make you upset- thus, giving them a reason to say we'll look your a jerk this is why I'm dumping you ! when in fact all along its b/c their intrested in some one else- so all their doing is trying to save face and not seem like a whore - or feel guilt free. I mean its hard to run to anotheir man when you feel all this guilt about how you did the last man- its much easyers to shift blame make it right in your mind then walk out the door to some one else. its all a huge mind game for some people, not all but some If someone is creating problems or making you jump hoops to prove yourself, it's because they're not committed. 'Tis all about excuses.
Gremio Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 It happens both ways. I'm a mid 20s male. My first LTR lasted three years, and during the last month, she started talking to "an old friend". I don't buy that and knew what would happen. She left me for him. I week later she was asking me to take her back, "biggest mistake of her life" yadda yadda, and I even though it was very difficult, I firmly said NO.
Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 If every woman that you've dated takes a similar action but not all women do this, what does this tell you? Ask around and you'll find enough women that don't need to branch. Could it be the type of woman you select for relationships? What's the continuity in these women and what need does this type of woman, address within you? I really have to agree with trialbyfire here. Not all women are like this, me being one of them. I think you are attracted to these types of women for whatever reason just as I seem to be highly attracted to unavailable men. Whether it be emotionally, mentally, physically, or whatever other options there may be.
carhill Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I'm curious....how long of a single period have you been "available", as in being emotionally and sexually uninvolved? Six months? A year? Ever (as a sexually mature person)? I ask this because my life experience has been, in reality, every woman I've met, even those I've known only casually or who are friends of my wife, either was/is "involved" with someone (LTR/marriage) or was "dating" someone or had an equivalent intimate relationship going on, or at least represented that to me. Of course, they could've been lying I can't ever recall a woman saying "I haven't had a date in six months and it sucks (or doesn't suck )....... is someone considered a social failure if they aren't "hooked up"? As to why, it's because opposites attract, even when it's not healthy.
Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Just curious carhill, who is your response to? Because it was my understanding the original poster was male.
carhill Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Following LS protocols, unless otherwise quoted or indicated, response is to the prior poster. That would be you Mahalo! (Last full day in Kauai so I had to say that )
Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I'm curious....how long of a single period have you been "available", as in being emotionally and sexually uninvolved? Six months? A year? Ever (as a sexually mature person)? I ask this because my life experience has been, in reality, every woman I've met, even those I've known only casually or who are friends of my wife, either was/is "involved" with someone (LTR/marriage) or was "dating" someone or had an equivalent intimate relationship going on, or at least represented that to me. Of course, they could've been lying I can't ever recall a woman saying "I haven't had a date in six months and it sucks (or doesn't suck )....... is someone considered a social failure if they aren't "hooked up"? As to why, it's because opposites attract, even when it's not healthy. So you are Hawaiian? I used to live there as a little girl. I still dont fully understand your question to me so I will try my best to answer. My first relationship I was 16, in it for 5 years, produced a daughter who is now 20. Just after that, a 10 year relationship that produced my 11 year old son, after that? the one I fell for. that was off and on for 3 years, but I was in it even when he wasnt, and stayed in it far longer than I should have (In my head) Once I went through the grieving process of the last relationhsip is when I realised my intense attraction to men who are not able to comitt for whatever reason. This is where I feel safest, and most intrigued. I know it is because it keeps me safe. It may not keep me happy, but some part of my DNA will not allow me at this time to make the needed changes sadly. I beleive it stems from childhood abandonment, literally. And not just once but several times. So in a sense I have re enacted this and even romanticised the the event and am now stuck.
carhill Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 No, I'm Irish and German but we're in Kauai right now on vacation. My question was, as simply as I know how to put it, how long did you spend at any one time in your life without a romantic interest or desire (requited or not) in your life? A great example would be a period when you weren't interested in anyone and were actively declining romantic invitations/approaches from men. A time when you were completely alone. Singular or aggregate is fine I'm not looking to assign responsibility, rather to understand the dynamic. "On and off" times with ex's don't count as alone time, for the purposes of my inquiry. I just got off the phone with someone for whom this monkey branch theory applies perfectly and I can recognize that and still love her dearly. She has had similar childhood issues and appears to find convenient relationships with less available men to be compatible. This is where I learned the important lesson of acceptance and compatibility. If you truly feel at peace in such a relationship, that is your truth. My opinion is irrelevant
Cat66 Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 Your opinion is not irrelevant! Since I understand now, I went several years with no contact or desire for anyone. That much like a camel. LOL. But when it hits me, watch out! I still keep a lid on it, it only becomes my own nightmare. I can truly relate to your friend, so dont discount a word she says. Have fun on your vacation
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