davidjor Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Well, i have read these posts and read these posts and read everyones posts.... Did i mention, i read these posts? And they all make me think, I have now been divorced for 13 years. Have only had 4 serious relationships since then the longest being 5 1/2 years and the shortest being 2 years. I can Say, is i can honestly say that i never want to get married again... It seams as though ALL the women i have been involved in and it has not worked out for one thing or another along with MOST all the posts I read here is the following: MOST, I MEAN LIKE 99.0% OF BREAKUPS INITIATED BY WOMEN ARE BECAUSE THEY HAVE WHAT THEY FEEL IS A "BIGGER BETTER DEAL" LINED UP BEFORE THE BREAKUP, OR THEY END UP GOING BACK TO THEIR EX'S. THIS IS WHAT I CALL THE MONKEY DISEASE, THEY WONT LET ONE MAN GO, UNTIL THEY HAVE ANOTHER ALREADY LINED UP. How many men here, have gotten broken up with and have found out shortly after that their now ex's have someone lined up ready to fill your shoes?
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 If every woman that you've dated takes a similar action but not all women do this, what does this tell you? Ask around and you'll find enough women that don't need to branch. Could it be the type of woman you select for relationships? What's the continuity in these women and what need does this type of woman, address within you?
Saesan Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 This isn't something that only happens to men. I had been with my bf for five years, we were planning on getting married and starting a family next year, and then in the space of a week he had left me for someone else he had lined up. Would I have left him earlier if I had had someone else lined up? Well I've met plenty of men interested in me and had plenty of opportunities in the last few years, and yet I never did it. So I don't think its something that all women do.
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I've experienced this, and, IMO, the resolution resides within myself. IMO, branch grabbers are more "needy" and appeal to the "rescuer" in myself. They feed an essential part of my psyche. The work is resolving those issues within myself so I can recognize and value a more centered woman, one who doesn't "need" a man but whom wants to share herself with a man, as a woman who is healthy for me. I knew this intellectually years ago but it's only been with MC that I've begun to resolve it emotionally. The emotion part is important because it is the powerful impetus for the behavior. Good luck OP....what you seek is out there
Author davidjor Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 Well, maybe i am what you call "co-dependent" But the relationships i entered were with stable women (so i thought) there were never any indication from any of these girls that the relationship was going to end the way it did.
SushiX Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 MOST, I MEAN LIKE 99.0% OF BREAKUPS INITIATED BY WOMEN ARE BECAUSE THEY HAVE WHAT THEY FEEL IS A "BIGGER BETTER DEAL" LINED UP BEFORE THE BREAKUP, OR THEY END UP GOING BACK TO THEIR EX'S. THIS IS WHAT I CALL THE MONKEY DISEASE, THEY WONT LET ONE MAN GO, UNTIL THEY HAVE ANOTHER ALREADY LINED UP. How many men here, have gotten broken up with and have found out shortly after that their now ex's have someone lined up ready to fill your shoes? Agreed. Most of the women who broke up with me is because they already have someone else in mind, just like my last gf. She broke up with me because she wanted to be alone. 2 weeks later she had a new bf. She later told me she had been talking to this guy for some time now while we were going out. This is why I always have backups waiting too just in case this happens. And it does happen alot. Gotta protect yourself.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 This is why I always have backups waiting too just in case this happens. And it does happen alot. Gotta protect yourself. It looks like the monkey disease isn't gender specific...
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Perhaps the lack of monkey disease explains, in part, the dearth of sexual partners in my history, as I completely focused on the woman I was with and didn't hedge my bets with stringing others along as backups. I just don't think that's healthy and never have. YMMV, of course OP, as you surely know, not every "stable" woman you meet and/or date is going to be compatible with you or even attracted to you or you to her. Think of them as a "class" of woman from which you can potentially have a healthy relationship. It's still a numbers game
Jenny123 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Hi, have 2 disagree with u on this one. I take forever to get over a relationship and during that very lengthy period, I have no interest in even meeting another man in my life.I think some men and women are like that, some aren't. We all have different ways to heal. I think that we date repetitive characteristics in people until we decide to change. good luck:)
Lizzie60 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Hum.. from my experience.. it's the opposite.. men have someone aligned.. not women.. my female friends that have left had noone to go to... With my 2 'exes' I was the one who left.. and had no onen aligned.. I would think that men are the monkeys..
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Well, maybe i am what you call "co-dependent" But the relationships i entered were with stable women (so i thought) there were never any indication from any of these girls that the relationship was going to end the way it did. Okay, straight up, people don't just walk from relationships with no signs at all. For that matter, woman after woman don't just reenact the same pattern for no reason at all. What signs are you missing or ignoring?
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I would think that men are the monkeys.. It's in the hands....
anne1707 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I have now been divorced for 13 years. Have only had 4 serious relationships since then the longest being 5 1/2 years and the shortest being 2 years. So assuming all three shorter relationships were 2 years each - that comes to six years, then there is the 5 1/2 years so totalling 11 1/2 years out of 13 (and that is a minimum because the mid-length relationships could have been longer than 2 years). It seems to me that you are moving on from one relationship to another pretty quickly too.
Author davidjor Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 annie, 4 total relationships included my ex-wife. Sorry, for the confusion. So there has been three serious relationships in the last 13 years. And the relationship between my ex-wife and the first serious one since then was very short. Like 4 months, but that relationship was the one that lasted 5 1/2 years.
dead-dyke Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I'll back you up, Dave. Seems you're attracting the only women on the site that don't have monkey disease. Trial by fire is right too. My only concern is why not tell us what's going on in their head, instead of letting us believe everything is copacetic? Pretty smucken fart, eh?
SushiX Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 It looks like the monkey disease isn't gender specific... lol Yes I've contracted this disease from my ex.
Teuen101 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I busted mine talking to the guy on the net walked in the room saw him texting : : "hey baby we still on for new years" I just walked out didnt say a word- to this day I'm sure she let me see that in hopes I'd blow up mad and then give her a reason to dump me. but I blew her mind by saying nothing ! and just walking out..she runs after me and asks do you believe once a cheat always a cheat ? I'm like no , I believe people can change...and I did believe that but I dont now.. two weeks later she is with him- but said she wasnt with him - why couldnt she tell the truth- she made me feel so bad and so guilty- made me feel like everything was my fault- then i find pic's on photobucket of her and him dated like 3 days after our brake- I wish i could have found them alot sooner ! not only did I get dumped for the bigger better deal in her mind - but lol..she tossed me a backpack full of guilt and blame that I held on too for months wich in turned casued me to beg for her back- b/c I thought I'd done wrong when in fact it had nothing at all to do with me it was her.. oh the mind games we play to be guilt free and to have a ego boost
Teuen101 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Okay, straight up, people don't just walk from relationships with no signs at all. For that matter, woman after woman don't just reenact the same pattern for no reason at all. What signs are you missing or ignoring? Oh they do drop signs- one key one is you can't do anything to make them happy no matter how hard you try its like you're locked out then they start trying to pick a fight or do a little things or say little things to make you upset- thus, giving them a reason to say we'll look your a jerk this is why I'm dumping you ! when in fact all along its b/c their intrested in some one else- so all their doing is trying to save face and not seem like a whore - or feel guilt free. I mean its hard to run to anotheir man when you feel all this guilt about how you did the last man- its much easyers to shift blame make it right in your mind then walk out the door to some one else. its all a huge mind game for some people, not all but some
SushiX Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Oh they do drop signs- one key one is you can't do anything to make them happy no matter how hard you try its like you're locked out then they start trying to pick a fight or do a little things or say little things to make you upset- thus, giving them a reason to say we'll look your a jerk this is why I'm dumping you ! when in fact all along its b/c their intrested in some one else- so all their doing is trying to save face and not seem like a whore - or feel guilt free. I mean its hard to run to anotheir man when you feel all this guilt about how you did the last man- its much easyers to shift blame make it right in your mind then walk out the door to some one else. its all a huge mind game for some people, not all but some This sounds alot like my ex who cheated on me, not once but twice! First time I didn't know about, not until the 2nd time. She would pick fights with me about the dumbest things and says we need to take a break because its not working out, i'm a jerk..etc. So we took a break and I found out she was out with another guy. So sad. Looks like she found a better deal than me. It works out well though because I've found a better deal too! And at least I can say that I was aways honest and faithful to her because I never cheated!
Author davidjor Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 yes, 99.9 % of girls will dump you for bigger better deal. It has happen to me, i have seen it with my friends, i have seen it with family members. I consider myself a great guy, i went through my dad treating my mom bad, and cheating on her and hurting her, i vowed i would never make a girl go through what my mom did. On a side note, I thought my ex would send me a note or something for thanksgiving, GUESS NOT !! Then, i dont know what i was thinking because, she never got me anything for christmas after i bought her a 2k dollar pair of diamond ear rings. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST CLUE LAST YEAR AT CHRISTMAS to dump her. All i can say, is she just made it harder for my next relationship... now i got the guard up...
Posco_Proudfoot Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I could be wrong, but from my experience she'll leave for a better deal on the next guy that she used when was with us !
Teuen101 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 On a side note, I thought my ex would send me a note or something for thanksgiving, GUESS NOT !! Then, i dont know what i was thinking because, she never got me anything for christmas after i bought her a 2k dollar pair of diamond ear rings. THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN MY FIRST CLUE LAST YEAR AT CHRISTMAS to dump her. All i can say, is she just made it harder for my next relationship... now i got the guard up... wow mine did that same thing- spend 2k then dumped-that was my gift !
LittleDove Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I have a theory about these 'monkey jumpers' my egox is one... I think they are emotionally retared people who cant or choose not to deal with their failings in the relationship, and so go seeking someone to have another needy co dependant relationship with, and they blame everything on you while bonding over the bitching of how unfairly they were treated, and how they suffered while with you..they do this to bring them closer together as a team against the world..... but thats just my recent experience.... I am not seeking a relationship, im very happy with my booty call to fill in the lonley nights until im ready to fall in love again...and im giving myself a while to digest what ive been through and get over it so im not overloaded with baggage in my next relationship... I am thinking it will take me 6-12 more months before im ready to take my 'blinkers' off.. Not every woman is a monkey jumper.
Teuen101 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 and they blame everything on you while bonding over the bitching of how unfairly they were treated, and how they suffered while with you..they do this to bring them closer together as a team against the world..... yeah, it will bring them closer for a bit - but a few months the same problems will come right back.
EmperorR Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 cheated on dumped a week later in teh arms of a another man not even the one she cheated on me with, funny she told me she wanted to be alone all bs I believe in this monkey disease as well
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