Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I want to know if sex is really the problem in my relationship. Me and my bf were doing it a lot mostly when we saw each other and i was feeling used because i thought that that's all he wanted from me so i told him him that i gave him too much pussy and that we should make a bet to not do it for a month. So next week will be a month that we haven't had sex our relationship has gone downhill...it doesn't feel like we are a couple because we don't even make out. He says that if we make out he's going to get excited and im not going to be able to do anything about it. We are not communicating like we used to and i get very mad and irritated with him a lot. Lately he's been flirting online with girls and texting and acting like he wants to hook up with them. Someone on LS said that some IMO guys that are sexually unsattisfied try to look for that attention in other places to lift up their ego. Do you think this no-sex-for-a-month-deal has caused my relationship to go downhill?is sex really that important in a relationship?
Geishawhelk Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Do you think this no-sex-for-a-month-deal has caused my relationship to go downhill? Yes. is sex really that important in a relationship? It obviously is to you!
amaysngrace Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Sex is one of the most important things you can have between each other. Why on earth did you make this bet? Oh I know...you thought he was just using you for sex and now that he's been drifting off to flirt with other girls you now know you were right. Also too he won't even kiss you. No affection. You probably like affection and since you withhold sex he withholds affection. So now you really think he just uses you for sex. You guys are going downhill. No more communication. He wanders off trying to get his needs met while you aren't getting yours met. It's a stupid silly game you are playing. What were you really hoping to accomplish by doing this? Finding out that sex is important to your boyfriend? Yeah it probably is. But since he is your boyfriend knowing he's not cheating on you should have been good enough to put your mind at ease. Instead you went psycho on him. He's probably not looking at other girls so he can have sex with them...he is probably looking at other girls to see if there are any cooler chicks that he can have a relationship with.
alphamale Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 is sex really that important in a relationship? once the sex stops or becomes intermittent then there are big problems. now if a couples been married 20 years it may be different...
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Overall, yes, sex is very important in a relationship but it depends on where you started and where you are now. To pull back from a relationship that already was highly sexual, can affect people's egos pretty badly, in that they no longer feel attractive because of rejection. On the otherhand, you've been clear why you didn't want to indulge for a month, which I can understand too. That he's already exceeded the line of appropriate relationship boundaries within that month, says a lot about his character. Myself personally, I think his true colours are showing through. Imagine yourself in five years time with this guy, just had a baby and unable or too tired to have sex with this guy for a month or so. What do you suppose would happen?
amaysngrace Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Imagine yourself in five years time with this guy, just had a baby and unable or too tired to have sex with this guy for a month or so. What do you suppose would happen? Imagine five years from now this man has to do everything this girl wants or he may have to wait a whole month to have sex with her. Only now she's his wife.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Imagine five years from now this man has to do everything this girl wants or he may have to wait a whole month to have sex with her. Only now she's his wife. If a girl feels used, this would be a great way to tell...as shown.
amaysngrace Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 If a girl feels used, this would be a great way to tell...as shown. Yeah okay maybe he proved something to her as far as character goes but she showed him something too. Only she showed it first.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Yeah okay maybe he proved something to her as far as character goes but she showed him something too. Only she showed it first. She showed him that she was feeling used. Me and my bf were doing it a lot mostly when we saw each other and i was feeling used because i thought that that's all he wanted from me so i told him him that i gave him too much pussy and that we should make a bet to not do it for a month. The second bolded comment means he agreed to it. To use my standard phrase, there were no victims in this. He's an adult. He can say no. Instead, he said yes and found a way to cheat on her. Very disturbing.
Shygirl15 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Me and my bf were doing it a lot mostly when we saw each other and i was feeling used because i thought that that's all he wanted from me so i told him him that i gave him too much pussy and that we should make a bet to not do it for a month All I can say is that you started on a wrong foot.
Lovelybird Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 If you feel used, then you should listen to your gut. The inner voice can save you lots of trouble and pain. Obviously there is something bothers you, and you felt it deep in your heart. Not healthy to ignore these important hints. From your post, I don't see a man of character, his true color is not pretty. If a man has sex with a woman, he should commit already ! Seems he wants to manipulate you and get you to have sex with him, EVEN you said your feelings. Obviously he considers himself far more than you. Maybe it is a good thing you detect this earlier.
amaysngrace Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 If sex was the only thing on his mind he would have objected right away. He wouldn't be around three weeks later and still come around her to where he won't kiss her. He wouldn't be talking to her causing the breakdown in communication. He'd have left her three weeks ago.
casanovacorner Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 If sex was the only thing on his mind he would have objected right away. He wouldn't be around three weeks later and still come around her to where he won't kiss her. He wouldn't be talking to her causing the breakdown in communication. He'd have left her three weeks ago. I agree 100% I had an ex that did the same exact thing. She accused me of only wanting her for sex, so instead of taking that stupid bet not to have sex, I ran off a list of the list 5 or 6 times we had sex. Turns out, she started it every time. For whatever reason, women seem to forget that they initiate it a lot of the time, then accuse the guy of only wanting sex. Even if he does like sex, shouldn't he? The real problem would be if your BF didn't like having sex with you. That should make you worry. If you stopped having sex with me for a month, I'd find other women to talk to also. As far as you know, he didn't cheat, so don't worry about it. Conversation NEVER got anyone pregnant. Like the person above said, he's still around so move on. The other poster who is obviously a female, has no idea what she is talking about when she said it shows his character. He accepted your bet, stayed with you, and didn't cheat as far as you know. If you want to lose him, keep being suspicious of his motives, boycotting sex, and playing silly games.
Lovelybird Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Of course women want their man desire them, but not in a utilitarianism sense. What is utilitarianism? only when she offers sex, then stay with her. :sick: If man wants sex, start to meet her emotional needs. Women aren't sex machine. Women respond to men's love well after her emotional needs met. nor women are like men, well, some men. And men should respect women to be women, not expect them to become men, well, some men
alphamale Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 And men should respect women to be women, not expect them to become men, well, some men and womens shouldn't expect men to become women
Lovelybird Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Basically women are good for men's emotional being. If without women, men maybe never know what is love, what is emotion. maybe only know what is lust. That's why call us "helpmeet"
Quinch Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Sex is very important but so is respect (and self-respect) and you're not getting any of the latter so he shouldn't be getting any of the former. I have spoken
amaysngrace Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 She's not getting self-respect because she isn't acting respectable. To cut a man off so she can prove something to herself, which I believe is unfounded, is selfish, insecure and immature. How can you have self-respect when you act this way? Now respect is a whole other thing. If she felt like he wasn't giving her respect and was just using her she had other options to take. She didn't. She chose a route that probably led him to rethink what kind of person he was involved with. It took him three weeks to conclude that the person he was involved with was selfish, insecure, immature and therefore lacks self-respect. By putting him up for a test she was having herself tested at the very same time. She failed.
Author Da_1_n_OnlyN3na Posted November 30, 2008 Author Posted November 30, 2008 thanx for everyones comments. i agree with those of you who say i was playing a silly game and and was insecure and selfish. i guess you dont play these kind of things with your bf because it might lead to arguments and even cheating because of "no sex". let me tell you a little something. when we first started going out after 4 months he had sex with another girl, so he cheated. we broke up but got back toguether and tried to move onand forget. me and him had sex after being in the relationship 8 months. since the cheating, i had insecurities thinking he might do the same thing he had done before and have sex with someone else. thats where my insecurities came from. anyways, the rest of you say that a women needs attention not just sexually but emotionally etc. my bf is not an emotional kind of person, well atleast not with me. i have cought him talking to girls on his phone and on myspace and he shows something different to them than what he shows to me. He calls them babe, cutie etc. i dont get that kind of talk from him only once in a blue moon. after 1 1/2 year,whenever he wanted to have sex he would be nice to me and cuddle with me and talk nice to me but while doing it he would not kiss me as much as he used to at the beggining. After we were done, he got up, put his clothes on, and started braging about his looks. what else am i supposed to think? what a woman wants is after the deed the man to stay in bed and cuddle and kiss. i wasnt having that anymore so then decided to test him. He became a whole different person with me and it didnt even feel like we were a couple anymore.
amaysngrace Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I'm sorry for the history that you and he have. He sounds like he's no good. Maybe you were testing him because you weren't getting your needs met? If he is this type of person who ignores your needs and only puts his needs first (cheating) then he doesn't sound like he is worth you in any capacity. Did you really need to test him to figure this out? Once trust is broken it's very hard to get it back. Save your trust for someone who's trustworthy. It'll surprise you how quick your insecurities will dissolve when you give your love to someone you feel secure with.
missdependant Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I didn't read the schpeel, but to answer the question in the subject line: YES. Sex is necessary in relationships. And not just sex.. ENJOYABLE sex for both individuals.
Lovelybird Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 thanx for everyones comments. i agree with those of you who say i was playing a silly game and and was insecure and selfish. i guess you dont play these kind of things with your bf because it might lead to arguments and even cheating because of "no sex". let me tell you a little something. when we first started going out after 4 months he had sex with another girl, so he cheated. we broke up but got back toguether and tried to move onand forget. me and him had sex after being in the relationship 8 months. since the cheating, i had insecurities thinking he might do the same thing he had done before and have sex with someone else. thats where my insecurities came from. anyways, the rest of you say that a women needs attention not just sexually but emotionally etc. my bf is not an emotional kind of person, well atleast not with me. i have cought him talking to girls on his phone and on myspace and he shows something different to them than what he shows to me. He calls them babe, cutie etc. i dont get that kind of talk from him only once in a blue moon. after 1 1/2 year,whenever he wanted to have sex he would be nice to me and cuddle with me and talk nice to me but while doing it he would not kiss me as much as he used to at the beggining. After we were done, he got up, put his clothes on, and started braging about his looks. what else am i supposed to think? what a woman wants is after the deed the man to stay in bed and cuddle and kiss. i wasnt having that anymore so then decided to test him. He became a whole different person with me and it didnt even feel like we were a couple anymore. then you shouldn't settle for this man for tons of good reasons. If no emotional connection, what is this relationship? If no trust, what is this relationship? No matter what others say, first we women have to have this emotion security with our man, without it, something is wrong. any accusation to your healthy gut feeling is a form of manipulation. Here isn't about your selfishness, but rightly self-protection. A woman doesn't have to prostitute herself in order to give love. Withdraw sometimes is a form of real love. If you lost yourself (spiritual one, one that deep in your heart), then you don't have any to offer love. If a man loves, he would protect, secure, care. You maybe have some tough struggle ahead, but please keep strong, open your eyes, and believe there is one out there who CAN care
mental_traveller Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 If he is a typical guy, then yes it is that important, and yes you have damaged the relationship by artificially witholding sex. A lot of guys wouldn't be that patient and would simply break up over this. Why do you see it as a bad thing to be having sex a lot with your own bf - don't you enjoy it? Sex isn't dirty, or something that is "given up" by having it with another person - it's a fun, mutually pleasurable activity between two people (or more! hah) that brings them closer together. Maybe take a look at your emotional attitudes to sex, and ask why you are viewing it as something that should be held back? IMO you should dress in your hottest outfit, walk in on your bf, seduce him and then give him the best sex of his life for the next few weeks. That ought to regain his interest.
mental_traveller Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 If a girl feels used, this would be a great way to tell...as shown. A great way to tell what? All it tells is that the guy gets upset and annoyed when his gf artificially restricts sex for a whole month. Most *normal* guys would get mad in that situation, not just "users". Playing games can backfire, that's all this proves IMO.
Trialbyfire Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 thanx for everyones comments. i agree with those of you who say i was playing a silly game and and was insecure and selfish. i guess you dont play these kind of things with your bf because it might lead to arguments and even cheating because of "no sex". let me tell you a little something. when we first started going out after 4 months he had sex with another girl, so he cheated. we broke up but got back toguether and tried to move onand forget. me and him had sex after being in the relationship 8 months. since the cheating, i had insecurities thinking he might do the same thing he had done before and have sex with someone else. thats where my insecurities came from. anyways, the rest of you say that a women needs attention not just sexually but emotionally etc. my bf is not an emotional kind of person, well atleast not with me. i have cought him talking to girls on his phone and on myspace and he shows something different to them than what he shows to me. He calls them babe, cutie etc. i dont get that kind of talk from him only once in a blue moon. after 1 1/2 year,whenever he wanted to have sex he would be nice to me and cuddle with me and talk nice to me but while doing it he would not kiss me as much as he used to at the beggining. After we were done, he got up, put his clothes on, and started braging about his looks. what else am i supposed to think? what a woman wants is after the deed the man to stay in bed and cuddle and kiss. i wasnt having that anymore so then decided to test him. He became a whole different person with me and it didnt even feel like we were a couple anymore. Sweetie, this guy is a complete and utter jerk. Time to get rid of the trash and find yourself someone who will treat you with love and respect.
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