Viking Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I already have a thread about this girl at work (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t170759/) and had asked her out to the movies Friday. Here's the thing. When I talked to her yesterday at work and asked her if we were still on for the movies this Friday, she said that it probably wouldn't work as she's really stressed and all (she's in the process of a divorce). She did tell me however that she could tell me why she's stressed eventually (I'm not supposed to know she's getting a divorce I guess as she hasn't told me herself yet, but her co-worker and my manager have told me). She said that once this "problem" (divorce) was resolved, that she'd be able to do whatever she wanted and do it whenever. Was the part of her telling me that she'll be able to do whatever she wants a sign that I should wait for her to get everything finalized and then once she's finally done, that I should then ask her out? Did she not tell me about her divorce because she doesn't want to scare me off? Thanks!
Geishawhelk Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Yes, I think she'd like you to wait. Whatever you do, don't let on that you know about her divorce. She hasn't told you, because it's a personal issue, and there's no need for you to know. As an aside, I think it extremely tactless and rude - not to mention highly unprofessional - of her co-worker and your Manager to have confided this in you. It's completely inappropriate and if I were she and I found out, I'd go blue-pink mad. To break a confidence of this kind in the workplace is deplorable.
Author Viking Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 Yes, I think she'd like you to wait. Whatever you do, don't let on that you know about her divorce. She hasn't told you, because it's a personal issue, and there's no need for you to know. As an aside, I think it extremely tactless and rude - not to mention highly unprofessional - of her co-worker and your Manager to have confided this in you. It's completely inappropriate and if I were she and I found out, I'd go blue-pink mad. To break a confidence of this kind in the workplace is deplorable. I'm good at waiting . I think that they told me because I had asked on her situation and they were just being honest. There's a little back story though. I had gone to her co-worker for advice on an ex-girlfriend, so I know that she is only trying to help me understand where she's coming from. I won't let on, yesterday I didn't say anything about knowing. I acted like I figured she had a lot on her plate, but not that I knew the magnitude of her situation. So, I will wait until its clear that she's "freed up". She did say that she'd text me when she was ready. I told her that I'd wait for her to feel ready and stuff.
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 IME, I wouldn't "wait". I'll predict now that she'll move on to a rebound guy or guys and you will be forgotten You are a gentleman caught in the storm of her D. That's what is driving her feelings right now. They'll change Come back in a year and tell me I'm wrong
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I also agree that you should never wait for anyone. It's the now, that you should be concerned about and the now is that she's not emotionally available. If some time in the future, you're both available and hit it off, great! For now, move on. It's similar to looking for potential in people. If the potential hasn't yet been realized, it doesn't exist.
Author Viking Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 It's the now, that you should be concerned about and the now is that she's not emotionally available. She's already said she'd like to go out with me, and she told someone else no too. She said once it was resolved she'd tell me and I guess I was figuring we'd go from there.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 She's already said she'd like to go out with me, and she told someone else no too. She said once it was resolved she'd tell me and I guess I was figuring we'd go from there. If you want to wait for her to wrap up her legalities over the divorce, by all means do so. And how long did she say this would take? You know that divorces don't just happen overnight, that if it's a non-amicable divorce, this could take years, right? As an divorcée, I can honestly say that most going through divorce aren't always at their emotional best. It's reliant on the length of the separation and what caused the dissolution of the marriage.
alphamale Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Was the part of her telling me that she'll be able to do whatever she wants a sign that I should wait for her to get everything finalized and then once she's finally done, that I should then ask her out? no, it meant you should not wait for her. personally, i would move on and anyways she's going to be an emotional mess for the next year or two or three
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Just tell her when she has more time to herself, you'd really like to take her out to dinner, and leave it at that. She's doing the right thing for her by saying no to you as she's in no frame of mind to get involved with anyone right now. Wait to see what happens, not for long, but don't hold your breath. If someone else comes along, don't say no.
Author Viking Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 Just tell her when she has more time to herself, you'd really like to take her out to dinner, and leave it at that. She's doing the right thing for her by saying no to you as she's in no frame of mind to get involved with anyone right now. Wait to see what happens, not for long, but don't hold your breath. If someone else comes along, don't say no. I did tell her to let me know when she's available. She also made it sound like she was interested in going out sometime. I told her to take her time and let me know. I won't be a doormat however and wait on her beck and call. She's one of the girls I'm interested in. Another is in my class, but I thought it might be worth it to wait as I'm more interested in this girl. I've become very good at being patient. Waiting for my ex girlfriend to decide did that for me. Now its a good trait I have. I used to be very impatient about most things.
MN randomguy Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 Yep, table it for now. On to the new girl in your class.
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