Stockalone Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 This is mainly a question for the ladies, but I also welcome the guys input regarding what is appropriate in a cross-gender friendship. December is around the corner and Christmas is less than a month away. I am thinking about putting together an advent calendar for a female friend. I have no idea if people outside of Germany even know what this is. So for those of you who are not familiar with the concept. An advent calendar is a calendar that you start on December 1st and use it to count down to Christmas. There are 24 little doors/windows and you open one every day, behind each door is traditionally some chocolate. The thing is, the woman in question and I have been exchanging e-mails every now and then for a couple of months, but we have never met. Think online penpals. I very much appreciate her advice though. She has been lending me an ear and sometimes a shoulder to cry on when I wasn’t doing so well. I want to use the calendar as a way to express my gratitude for her. Given that I can’t make her a real calendar, I was thinking about a virtual advent calendar where I place a winter picture, a Christmas cookie recipe, a short note, maybe a poem, a comic strip, etc., behind the doors. Just a couple of nice things that will hopefully make her start her day with a smile when she opens the door. Another reason why I could use some advice on this, is that I never had a female friend and I am often unsure how to approach this new and unfamiliar situation. So far, barring a few minor slip-ups, I seem to be doing fine and my gut feeling says that she would like the calendar. But I am still looking for a middle ground between older brother and bf in terms of what kind of behaviour is acceptable in a cross-gender relationship. Therefore, I am not sure if my gut feeling can be trusted right now. Do you think such a calendar is still appropriate for someone who you don’t know in person, thus don’t know that well and is “only” an online-friend? Or does this cross the line and would make you feel uncomfortable if it comes from someone who isn’t your bf? Another question: Ladies, would you even like to be given such a calendar. In principle I mean, regardless of the “is it appropriate or not” question? Oh, before I forget: Happy Thanksgiving!
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 She has been lending me an ear and sometimes a shoulder to cry on when I wasn’t doing so well. I want to use the calendar as a way to express my gratitude for her. IMO, do what you feel is healthy for you. It's your intent which comes through your actions. If your intent is appreciating the efforts of someone who has become an "online friend", there ya go You have no control about how she receives your actions. My opinion is to give her your gift of appreciation and leave it at that. I've had many "cross-gender" friends and IME such gifts of appreciation are well-received on both sides...
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Stock, what do you really want from her? This might be the more pertinent question. Stepping into your cyber-friend's shoes, while the gift is very thoughtful, it would occur to me to wonder what your intent was. To argue the other side, it also depends on what kind of signals you've given her in the past, which ties into my first question.
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