LD relationship problem! Argument may have been nail in coffin

[MissingMyHubby]

Gf and I dating 5 months, 2 weeks ago she moved 2000 miles away. I have been making plans to be with her through the ups and downs. I even applied for a job which I may get. At any rate, here is our latest argument which resulted in me having not heard from her as I write this:

 

I went out for drinks last night and a friend (guy) tells me he is willing to move out there too, with me, if I were to do it. I was like "cool man, that would be pretty sweet." I was excited about the notion, so I texted my gf:

 

Hey babe! Jack just told me he would go out to Oregon with me when I come to be with you!

 

Her reply: Yeah Im here. Just watchin poker. Jack would drive with you or move here or both?

 

I say "He would move, you don't seem thrilled."

 

Her reply, "I was just askin. Wasn't sure which it was.

 

I get nothing for a while so I ask, "So what are your thoughts on it?"

 

This is where it gets hairy. She says "I guess I find it odd that you would want to move out of a house with your parents only to move away with a friend to supposedly be with me. I don't see much progress there is all."

 

It continues with this: "I look forward to a relationship thats more normal in the sense of marriage, kids, someday a house etc. whereas your excited to bring a friend along to Oregon to "be with me.""

 

My final blow "I have been planning on moving anyways. This is F&^%&% rediculous that you think that. Im getting sick of the way you make me feel. Every F(*&^*^ positive just gets turned around on me and now you think I only wanna come out on the possibility Jack wants to. I can't ever win!"

 

 

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So that was last night, I have yet to hear back anything today. That was probably the final nail in the coffin. I get the feeling she is assuming I only wanna come out now b/c of Jack, and not only that but she then brings out the marriage and kids thing! She only plans on being at this job for a year anyways, and my friend Jack (who may or may not even go out there, it was just all talk) she feels will intrude on this whole thing. I see it as having at least one person we know out there that we could hang out with.

 

Can anyone tell me where I went off the tracks and what I should do (or just let the dead dog lie) to remedy this?

[mental_traveller]

I see two issues here. Firstly, she was obviously hoping you would be more serious and want to move there - to move in *with her*. She sees you moving with your friend as a sign that you are not really that serious with her. It would look at bit like you are going to be 2 guys house-sharing - not exactly a situation renowned for serious relationship commitments. She probably has visions of you and your buddy hitting the town, getting drunk, treating it like a bachelor pad, bringing chicks back even.

 

Second problem was you flipped your lid at her. Your last reply was IMO way out of line. She was a bit disappointed but not exactly rude, and you bit her head off. I would apologise for that first. Then, once she replies to you, try to explain how you see this as a good way to get out there for a bit, to be closer to her, and then (assuming you feel this) discuss maybe moving in with her.

 

If on the other hand you don't want to live with her in the next year - well, you might wanna reconsider how serious you are with this girl. She obviously is expecting a bit more commitment than you are right now.