MichiganMan222 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I have a question for women, although this could apply to the gentlemen if reversed. Your break-up has gone on for a bit and you're in kind of an accepting/early healing stage. You're moving on nicely, but he's still in your head and you're still vulnerable to seeing him; so you avoid it at all costs. But the inevitable happens; you see him at, say, a restaurant. And not only that, he's with someone else...his new girlfriend. He never sees you, but you notice something about his new girlfriend....she's very unattractive!!!! And I'm not talking some pretty girl that you find faults with to make yourself feel better, but someone that you feel honestly is 'not in his league' and not even close to being as attractive as you (I know looks aren't everything, but everyone thinks that way anyway) . OK, so tell me....seeing this...would this make you feel a little bit better...or would this actually make you feel worse? Try to imagine this scenario in your head and see if you can honestly explain how this would feel.
JooLee Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 it wouldnt matter to me. i would still freak out etc etc. although when i did bump into my ex n his gf i was supeerrr coool! and im proud i handled it well! but inside, i was furious and disgusted... at him, not her.
Surfer Dude Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 That's not gonna happen considering we live in different countries, but if by any chance we ever run into each other, I'm gonna ignore her and pretend I don't know her. If she tries to talk to me, I will turn around and just leave as if she was invisible.
You'reasian Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I have a question for women, although this could apply to the gentlemen if reversed. Your break-up has gone on for a bit and you're in kind of an accepting/early healing stage. You're moving on nicely, but he's still in your head and you're still vulnerable to seeing him; so you avoid it at all costs. But the inevitable happens; you see him at, say, a restaurant. And not only that, he's with someone else...his new girlfriend. He never sees you, but you notice something about his new girlfriend....she's very unattractive!!!! And I'm not talking some pretty girl that you find faults with to make yourself feel better, but someone that you feel honestly is 'not in his league' and not even close to being as attractive as you (I know looks aren't everything, but everyone thinks that way anyway) . OK, so tell me....seeing this...would this make you feel a little bit better...or would this actually make you feel worse? Try to imagine this scenario in your head and see if you can honestly explain how this would feel. Male perspective: It wouldn't make me think any differently about her and I would be glad that she's happy I went out with a girl that dresses very humbly, doesn't really focus on trying to look sleek and isn't extremely feminine - but when we go running/swimming she strips down to some clothes that show she takes really, really good care of herself She's gotta bangin' body that she hides from the rest of the world! On top of that, she's very intelligent, focused, fairly independent and because she doesn't dress/act to impress, most guys pass her up not knowing that she has this treasure of a body and mind to go with it!
openbook08 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 ok Ill be brutally honest - everything you said except it was facebook I saw her on & ya Im secretly delighted. ha. I would prob. curl up in a ball and die if I actually met them together right now. but nothin against her as such. she has done nothin wrong. and I dont rate myself looks wise at all....Im not a showy flesh kinda person or confident I can have any guy I want - in fact beginnin to think Im the ugly sister as no1 ever approaches me (even tho my friends & family say Im very pretty) but Im working on myself & beginning to like myself more ..even with all that I did feel better seeing she wasnt great lookin. Im a terrible person I know!!! shal-low! but hey my hearts broken Im a bit crazy!
4by4 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Interesting. I don't think I would care. Seeing my ex gf would make me pretty uncomfortable already, who shes with will only make me feel more vulnerable, regardless of whether he is handsome or ugly. I think it's a little different with chicks, looks are a criteria but you do see very average looking guys dating hot girls. My ex's last boyfriend before me was ugly and short. He really didn't have much going for him, in fact I always wondered what they were doing together for 2 years. My ex on the other hand would probably be in the bracket of 7 to 7.5 but without makeup she drops all the way back down to 5, although her face isn't the most attractive she does have a nice body. Looks are only part of a person, don't think I would care who shes with as he probably has some special ability/good qualities I lacked, everyone is unique I suppose.
Geishawhelk Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 My ex- has met a GF whom I have never met, but my partner has. (long story, just wordy, not complicated....) My partner tells me she's horrendous. She's extremely overweight, and my ex-revealed that she snores like a pneumatic road-drill. I think he's settled for something "safe". It saddens me, in a way. For him, not for me.
You'reasian Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 in fact I always wondered what they were doing together for 2 years.. each other, apparently.
4by4 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Thanks for your insight You'reasian Acutally I reckon it makes you feel better, definitely makes it easier to move on considering my ex has dated and will probably continue to date ugly losers.
EmperorR Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 ive seen my ex new bf on facebook, hes a herb and not half the person I am but whatever
MalachiX Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Well, I found out through Facebook that my EX is back with the guy she dated a year or so before me. I've always hated his guts (largely because he's rather racist against my group of people) and he's not much to look at (though the only picture I saw of him is really old). Personally, in this situation, seeing her with this guy doesn't make my feel great just because I know I'm better looking than he is. I bounce back between one of three emotions when I think of the two of them (which is very rare). 1. Anger - As in, "What the hell? I know I wasn't perfect but honestly couldn't she have picked ANYONE ELSE in the world to get together with after we broke up? After all the horrible things she told me about him? After all the sexist and racist things that he's done. After know that he's gone gay before? (ok, this last one kind of makes me chuckle) That's my followup? Or, was the two and a half years we were together just a break for her and this other guy? Or, what if it's even worse than that. Given how she's told me how she didn't like to not have a man to be with, and how she'd broken up and gotten back together with this guy and one other before; were all three guys she's had serious relationships just interchangible? Was I just the one who was available?" 2. Guilt - As in, "I feel so bad that she got back together with this loser. I feel responsible. What if I ended up making her feel so sad/worthless/un-loved that she ended up running into the arms of this jerk who is so beneath her? What if by not being able to giver her what she needed, I ended up driving her to someone who was FAR worse for her? What if I've screwed up her life for good? 3. Hope - As in, "Ok, I hate this guy and I hate the fact that I still have feelings for my EX even though I'm glad it's over. But, maybe they are the right people for each other. Maybe she'll be really happy and have a good life. Maybe knowing that she's happy will allow me to ditch all the guilt I feel and stop worrying about hurting this girl. Maybe we both ended up better out of the relationship and we should both be glad that we're now older, wiser, and much better off for being out of it. Obviously, I try to channel the #3 whenever possible since it makes me feel better and I really do hope she is happy (since that makes me feel less frustrated/guilty). Ok, all that said. If I were to see her with some other guy who wasn't much to look at and who I didn't know/hate; my response would still probably be mixed. I'd probably feel smug and superior since I knew I was better looking that this guy but also feel rather confused that she'd go out with someone so un-attractive. Then I'd remind myself to just wish he the best with her life and try to be done with it.
Recommended Posts