SingleAgain08 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I just got out of a five month relationship a month ago. It was an intense relationship, but I was unhappy towards the end and so it hasn't been that difficult to move on. Of course I was sad for a week or so, but I know I'm so much better off without him and that makes me feel relief more than sadness. I am not speaking to my ex (asked him not to contact me for 2 months) and I am certain that I do not want him back and don't even want to be friends in the near future. Our worlds do not intersect so I highly doubt I'll hear from him or see him again. In the meantime, I met someone and have gone on three dates with him but have kept things fairly casual. We've kissed but that's it. I think he really likes me and may want to be exclusive although he has not brought that up yet. I really like him but I'm not 100% sure if I want him as my boyfriend just yet. I think I need a few more dates to get to know him better. My anxiety probably has to do with feeling deceived in my last relationship and learning that some people are really just acting in the beginning. I have not discussed how recently single I am but I think maybe at this stage he deserves to know. He hasn't discussed his past either and I haven't asked. Usually it takes me a bit longer to find someone I'm remotely interested in dating, so I have never really dated so quickly after a relationship ended. I don't want to treat anyone as a rebound, but since I've never done that before, I don't know if that's what I'm doing now. I don't want to move too quickly, so in that sense, am I really re-bounding? I think there's a good change that this new guy is boyfriend material, but I'm really concerned about how to let him know about my last relationship without scaring him away. And I'm not sure when it's appropriate to have that conversation. I'm seeing him again next week -- any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated!
SushiX Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 No, most women I've dated do not consider this rebounding. They're usually talking to someone new already in the "meantime" ending the relationship with me. Women always seem to have someone new before anything can end.
eDave Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I just don't get the "may want to be exclusive" part.... I never go out with our even really meet a woman unless I am single and looking for an exclusive relationship. I know some guys 'spin plates' but has this become the norm that even woman expect this? Are all of doing this? I think that is kinda sad. Sorry to get of topic.
eDave Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I just don't get the "may want to be exclusive" part.... I never go out with our even really meet a woman unless I am single and looking for an exclusive relationship. I know some guys 'spin plates' but has this become the norm that even woman expect this? Are all of doing this? I think that is kinda sad. Sorry to get of topic.
BikerBeagle Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 It doesn't sound like you are rebounding to me ...just being cautious - which is normal and a good thing. Unless the topic comes up, initiated by him, or you want to share it to get his background, I wouldn't even say anything about it. You weren't married and don't have kids from that relationship ...it's a 'throw away'.
berrieh Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 To me, "rebounding" is all about state of mind. If you know why your last relationship ended, aren't in contact with your ex, have dealt with any issues, and don't want him back, you're not rebounding. No, most women I've dated do not consider this rebounding. They're usually talking to someone new already in the "meantime" ending the relationship with me. Women always seem to have someone new before anything can end. Those are some pretty crappy women. In my book, that's called "cheating" -- not "rebounding." I just don't get the "may want to be exclusive" part.... I never go out with our even really meet a woman unless I am single and looking for an exclusive relationship. I know some guys 'spin plates' but has this become the norm that even woman expect this? Are all of doing this? I think that is kinda sad. She said they were on their third date. I think, personally, that's a little early to be exclusive (for me), but some people want to. I'm not saying I always date around -- right now, I'm dating one guy, but we're not officially exclusive -- but I don't like to get "locked in" too early. Too much pressure. I don't think there's anything wrong with a bit of dating, especially if she feels the need for caution. It all depends on the situation. I think it's good to be single and looking for an exclusive relationship, but even then, there's a place for dating.
Viking Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 No, most women I've dated do not consider this rebounding. They're usually talking to someone new already in the "meantime" ending the relationship with me. Women always seem to have someone new before anything can end. I know what you mean. They're like monkeys. They don't let go of one branch until they've got a hold of another... Your relationship wasn't that long so I don't think you need to worry too much. Hope the new guy is more your speed!
kiki30 Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 um that last comment about monkeys, was really insulting. They are like monkeys dear god - in this day and age i think we could do better than this.
Trialbyfire Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 No matter how strong or certain you are, that the relationship was meant to end, rebounding can happen, especially after only one month. Take your time. Try not to get serious, if at all possible. Sometimes it's a matter of missing the relationship, rather than really bonding with the new guy.
BubblyPopcorn Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 I just got out of a five month relationship a month ago. It was an intense relationship, but I was unhappy towards the end and so it hasn't been that difficult to move on. Of course I was sad for a week or so, but I know I'm so much better off without him and that makes me feel relief more than sadness. I am not speaking to my ex (asked him not to contact me for 2 months) and I am certain that I do not want him back and don't even want to be friends in the near future. Our worlds do not intersect so I highly doubt I'll hear from him or see him again. In the meantime, I met someone and have gone on three dates with him but have kept things fairly casual. We've kissed but that's it. I think he really likes me and may want to be exclusive although he has not brought that up yet. I really like him but I'm not 100% sure if I want him as my boyfriend just yet. I think I need a few more dates to get to know him better. My anxiety probably has to do with feeling deceived in my last relationship and learning that some people are really just acting in the beginning. I have not discussed how recently single I am but I think maybe at this stage he deserves to know. He hasn't discussed his past either and I haven't asked. Usually it takes me a bit longer to find someone I'm remotely interested in dating, so I have never really dated so quickly after a relationship ended. I don't want to treat anyone as a rebound, but since I've never done that before, I don't know if that's what I'm doing now. I don't want to move too quickly, so in that sense, am I really re-bounding? I think there's a good change that this new guy is boyfriend material, but I'm really concerned about how to let him know about my last relationship without scaring him away. And I'm not sure when it's appropriate to have that conversation. I'm seeing him again next week -- any advice on how to handle this would be greatly appreciated! A month really isn't that long but everyone processes it differently. A rebound is considered to be when someone is still affected by a previous significant relationship. I think if your questioning to yourself whether or not your ready, then your still in that transitionary period, in which case going slow would be the best course of action. But, that's all dependent on him as well, he may not want to be the "transition guy", most people don't.
Viking Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 um that last comment about monkeys, was really insulting. They are like monkeys dear god - in this day and age i think we could do better than this. Well, I meant it in the way a monkey swings from branch to branch. Obviously you didn't read the metaphor. I don't view women as monkeys. Its not like I said women are like monkeys, they pick fleas from their backs, fling poo and eat bananas all day. Sheesh. What I intended was that usually women and men don't let go of something until they've got something else to grab onto.
Gremio Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I just don't get the "may want to be exclusive" part.... I never go out with our even really meet a woman unless I am single and looking for an exclusive relationship. I know some guys 'spin plates' but has this become the norm that even woman expect this? Are all of doing this? I think that is kinda sad. Sorry to get of topic. I agree. I don't "date". I enjoy meeting a woman I am interested it. To the OP, talking about past relationships is generally pretty casual. I don't see any reason why you are nervous to talk about it and cannot fathom why it would scare him away. Now if you dropped the divorce bomb or child bomb, that's another story.
berrieh Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 What I intended was that usually women and men don't let go of something until they've got something else to grab onto. Most people I know (both genders) are just the opposite. Perhaps because like attracts like, and it's how I am. I require time and space alone after a relationship. Of course, I didn't when I was younger, so I agree that teenage girls do this - and perhaps some into their early twenties. (I've just entered mid-twenties, and left a serious relationship at 22, after which I needed some single "downtime" -- before that, I never had, though I never found the new guy BEFORE leaving the old guy...just shortly thereafter.)
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