JooLee Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 i had a dream last night. i dreamt my family threw a dinner party and he was there, with his new girlfriend. i ignored their existence but then he started calling me. i continued ignoring him but he kept calling me and i turned to look at him and shouted "what the f do you want?!" he said he wanted to apologies. i told him to go to hell and walked off. then he followed me and i kept shouting back at him. i told him you know how i am, how i dont hate, and i forgive easily, but with you, i just cant stop hating you. and then he gets angry too and we both start shouting at each other, and then it turned physical, on my side. i hit him, i punched him, i kicked him, i slapped him. i was so furious in my dream, i felt the anger, i felt the hate, i felt the hurt, it all felt so real. then his girlfriend tried to stop us , i turned and snapped at her. she was taken aback and she looked so upset that i felt bad for her. and my ex tells me, "dont talk to her that way, even when i have sex with her i have to be gentle" . i looked at them both and i walked away, before telling him, some really harsh words which i forgot now. then i went to one of my family members and cried my eyes out. i woke up, and i felt like crying, i still do. i feel sad, hurt, angry all into one. It has been 5 months.. i should get over it by now. i should not still be bothered hearing about him. why am i still having an effect over this? seriously, 5 months is a long time, and i dont see him or talk to him. it should be easier no? he's still at the back of my head, him and her. i want it to stop. ive decided to let go.. then why does a dream affects me this much. i feel the hurt so bad right now.. he doesnt even need to do anything to hurt me, his memories are the reminder of the hurt. its like that Kanye West's song Heartless.. "Somewhere far along this road, he(she) lost his(her) soul to a woman(man) so heartless.. " :(
lofi_tokyo Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Thats a terrible dream to have had JooLee. I am so sorry you had it. You've been doing well though, you sound like you're healing more and more. Dreams will stop happening like that over time.
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