jeeping Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Wow, [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Well, first I just want to say I have been a lurker here on and off for the past few years or so. Initially just looking for advice and such after discovering that my wife had been in contact with an ex-boyfriend for some time. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I found out accidently when I logged into the computer and saw a different e-mail address with a number of e-mails. This was in 2002. Needless to say, I am still married but things have changed and I live by my rules. She can stay if she wants, or go, bottom line is either you want to be here or don’t. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]At first I was hurt. I called her at work and yelled a bit. When she came home I told her to cut off contact or divorce. She initially refused but after some blow-ups she did cut off contact. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]In the beginning I did want to work on my marriage since we have kids and I tried to move forward. I went through anger, sadness, pain, punched in the “pride” so to speak and any number of other emotions. I thought about the kids, how they would feel etc. and found that I could still spend quality time with them even if she is on ignore. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Just some background. She was and is a stay at home mom. I made and still make good money, and sacrificed a lot of time and energy for work and the family. I gave up friendships, free time, stayed home all the time, and only went out of town for business trips. I never even attended bachelor parties because she said they were inappropriate and offended her. I never lied to her, never went to topless bars, out drinking, or any of the other stuff that could put strain on the relationship. Although I don’t consider myself God’s gift, I have had women make advances which I always refused before D-Day. Boy did I feel like a complete sucker after D-Day. After I found out and got past the initial hurt I decided it was time to work on me. I am still concentrating on myself. I pretty much got to the point where I told her she could stay if she wanted or go, it doesn’t matter to me much. I still take the kids camping, fishing, and have a good career. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]The fact of the matter is that after a year or two, I just didn’t care any more. Within a month of finding out I started working out at the gym three times a week after work. Dedicated myself to advancement in my career, health, and wellness and then I started making contact with old friends. Now I camp once a month, go fishing, take road trips, go on overnight and weekend 4X4 trips, and pretty much do whatever I want. What I wanted was a good marriage, but that didn’t pan out so I moved forward with myself. I have to admit, it bothers her sometimes, but I just don’t care any more. I offered her a divorce, she said no way, she doesn’t believe in divorce, so I said fine, then it is status quo. In the meantime I had an uncle set up an savings account shortly after I found out that she doesn’t know about where I have been stashing money every paycheck (I took over the bills after D-Day) and now have a very considerable sum saved up just in case. As soon as the last kid is out of the house I think I may soon follow. I will always wish her well, but it won’t be with me. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]Bottom line advice to you men is this. In a few years, once you have processed the information, you probably won’t feel she is worth it anymore. In the meantime, set up an account, save money, work on yourself, and be ready to pack it in at a moments notice. Take pride in yourself, love yourself, and realize it is Ok to be selfish and indulge in the things you enjoy. Once something as sacred as trust is broken, you can never allow yourself to get hurt again. [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3]I wish you all luck and take care! [/sIZE][/FONT]
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