wisebutnotperfect Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 in the last ten years i have found myself awakened to the fact that i am disinterested in most of the capitalistic/materialistic/consumer driven concepts that seem to drive our society and western world in general. problem is i am single and have a hard time relating to women who seem obsessed with shopping, consumerism, large beautiful homes and money driven lifestyles. how am i going to find someone with similar values in todays world? i feel lost in this landscape that tells us that more is always better! where in the world will i find anyone who has awakened to the fact that we are led like lemmings by advertising and consumerism? help!
kashmir Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I feel the same way dude. I get ill when I go into NYC, times square in particular. All the ads and crap all around you, ugh. I feel like this would hurt me too as far as girls go. I can't stand shopping, can't stand malls, all the designer stores selling expensive crap to people. Seeing a girl carrying one of those fancy $500 purses and the big bug-eye sunglasses always turns me off. Where you can meet a girl who won't be like this? Best place I can say is at a hard rock or metal concert (though you hardly ever see women at those venues, just as you probably don't see a lot of men at a john mayer concert). Besides that...um, a hot topic store?
Brady_to_Moss Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Our world is materialistic...just the way it is..
Geishawhelk Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I work in a retail outlet. Ladies come in to browse. Men come in and mooch. Ladies shop. Men buy. Everyone's 'just looking, thanks', but ladies are more prone to ask for advice, than men. When couples come in, it's the lady who decides what to buy (especially if it's a gift for someone else, at the moment) but they'll ask their menfolk - who usually come back with something along the lines of - "good idea/that's nice/you decide/whatever you think/it's up to you." There is unquestionably a different mentality at play here. The only men who shop like women, are - Yes, you guessed it.
fral945 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Honestly, you've probably got to move to another country that hasn't been affected by Western culture (which are few and far between).
You'reasian Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 in the last ten years i have found myself awakened to the fact that i am disinterested in most of the capitalistic/materialistic/consumer driven concepts that seem to drive our society and western world in general. problem is i am single and have a hard time relating to women who seem obsessed with shopping, consumerism, large beautiful homes and money driven lifestyles. how am i going to find someone with similar values in todays world? i feel lost in this landscape that tells us that more is always better! where in the world will i find anyone who has awakened to the fact that we are led like lemmings by advertising and consumerism? help! Capitalistic concepts are not bad. If you can understand them, it can make your life easier. However, being obsessed with them can make you lose balance. How do you find someone with similar values in general? Go out. Meet new people. Participate in activities/interests that tend to attract people who are more down to earth, character-based, activity based rather than monetary based. And one's wealth, no matter how significant or insignificant does not a person make.
kashmir Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I work in a retail outlet. Ladies come in to browse. Men come in and mooch. Ladies shop. Men buy. Everyone's 'just looking, thanks', but ladies are more prone to ask for advice, than men. When couples come in, it's the lady who decides what to buy (especially if it's a gift for someone else, at the moment) but they'll ask their menfolk - who usually come back with something along the lines of - "good idea/that's nice/you decide/whatever you think/it's up to you." There is unquestionably a different mentality at play here. The only men who shop like women, are - Yes, you guessed it. That's because the men don't give a crap and want to get out of there as soon as possible. I actually heard a really funny joke on this subject. This might be a bit off-topic, but whatever. One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me."I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis.lol I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier."I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
You'reasian Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Ouch....I take it you might be in for a dry spell for a while. Good line though. She's probably telling her friends you're an a-hole, insensitive to her needs and leave out the no-sex part... Best of luck to you, man.
kashmir Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Ouch....I take it you might be in for a dry spell for a while. Good line though. She's probably telling her friends you're an a-hole, insensitive to her needs and leave out the no-sex part... Best of luck to you, man. Lol, it's not like that happened to me. It's funnier in the 1st person though.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 We're out there! I HATE shopping. I cannot STAND crap and clutter junking up my house -- I'm a pretty die-hard minimalist. I'm creative (a musician) and pretty non-mainstream and non-consumerist. When my friends were going on expensive shopping sprees and blowing money on ten tubes of almost identical-in-color $20 lip gloss, I was paying my own way through college, investing in a piano and learning to play it, and saving the rest of my money to live in Europe for a few years while I was young and unencumbered -- putting my hard-earned dollars toward experiences, not things. I know how to girl it up, but looking like a shiny object is not a full-time job for me. I have had a few rich guys after me at different times in my life, but I have always chosen partners based on connection and real compatibility rather than the bank roll. These days, when I browse in stores or online at makeup, electronics, whatever, it mostly looks like a bunch of junk to me -- useless junk to separate you from your money.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Honestly, you've probably got to move to another country that hasn't been affected by Western culture (which are few and far between). Totally disagree. There are still free thinkers in the Western world. All of my dearest friends are.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Also, just wanted to add -- it only recently hit me how mainstream this forum is, so keep that in mind. I try not to generalize, and prefer to give each individual unique consideration. But when I saw a lot of Obama bashing around election time, it hit me this place is pretty hard right-leaning. And lately it's hit me that it's also quite mainstream. This may seem obvious to some, but like I said, I try not to stereotype, so it took me a while to figure it out.
amaysngrace Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I'm bummed Anne Taylor's going under. She was one of my favorites.
cutegirl Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 . Seeing a girl carrying one of those fancy $500 purses and the big bug-eye sunglasses always turns me off. I am super materialistic and a consumer of high end things, I enjoy the finger things in life and I make no apologies for it at all! I have NO bf and NO husband, I am single, I make a very good living, every single cent I have is one that I earned with my own blood and tears. Not only do I support myself but I support my mother as well (who is not able to work, I don't get along with her at all but I still support her nevertheless) and I still have plenty left to buy whatever I want. And I don't care if anyone thinks I look stupid wearing my designer sunglasses or carrying my nice bags... btw $500 is a "medium" designer bag or one towards the lower range... My nicest bags cost more...
norajane Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Look for women in libraries - if they're borrowing books rather than buying them, they're probably on your wavelength. Also, if you hang out at garden centers, you'll find women who grow their own veggies and flowers...also probably closer to your way of thinking and living. Women in professions such as teaching have already made a choice on the trade-off between money and doing something meaningful - could match your views. Don't knock the women who own their own homes. They're putting their money to good use - into their home, rather than into a landlord's pocket. You'll also find them taking walks in the park, or at the museums on "free day" (the day of the week admission is free of charge). The girls hanging out in the little out-of-the way coffee shops and restaurants are probably a better bet than the ones in the hot-spots. You won't have any trouble spotting them if you look around - they're the ones you're not noticing because you're so focused on the shiny, made-up girls with the expensive clothes and handbags.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 You won't have any trouble spotting them if you look around - they're the ones you're not noticing because you're so focused on the shiny, made-up girls with the expensive clothes and handbags. 'Nuff said!
You'reasian Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I am super materialistic and a consumer of high end things, I enjoy the finger things in life and I make no apologies for it at all! I have NO bf and NO husband, I am single, I make a very good living, every single cent I have is one that I earned with my own blood and tears. Not only do I support myself but I support my mother as well (who is not able to work, I don't get along with her at all but I still support her nevertheless) and I still have plenty left to buy whatever I want. And I don't care if anyone thinks I look stupid wearing my designer sunglasses or carrying my nice bags... btw $500 is a "medium" designer bag or one towards the lower range... My nicest bags cost more... ....and you forgot to mention you're a cute girl?
movingonandon Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 This is only a problem when it turns into obsession. For me, the hippie 'back to basics' crap is as anoying and disgusting as the "can't miss a sale" crap, it's all about balance. It's easy to get distracted though and fall for advertisment/peer pressure and feel the compulsion, or even "the entitlement" to spend etc. And the primary reason for this is that - let's not forget this - 90% of us live off the disposable income of somebody else. So if we do, in fact, go into completely hippie mode, very soon the entire economy will collapse, literally. If we don't buy, those we don't buy from will soon not be able to afford whatever we have to sell. It's that simple. That said, I despise the mainstream mall culture. being single, I probably fall in the category of spending a lot of money on stuff by most standards, but on goods that are worth it. A suit made for me by my quirky chinese tailor is of better quality and fit and costs LESS than the banana republic crap. A ralph lauren leather jacket costs 2x the amount some obscure company will sell you a jacket made of real leather, not paper thin crap, you get the idea. Basically, i'd rather give my money to an artisan that pretty much makes stuff with their own hands, rather than to any half-assed mall brand... For women, however, it's more difficult, even for the sensible ones: their clothing is a lot more fashion-dependent and changes a lot faster, and is a lot more cheaply made. So, all else equal, girls pretty much have to consume more crap. very unfortunate. And again, I think that this is only a turn-off when it becomes an obsession (that also replaces their sense of their own style). Many girls are not like this. But many are .
ipetree Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Clothing can become expensive, but i do not think the OP is specifically referring to that. It is more or less the feeling of "entitlement" to having the American dream, of a big home, fancy car, vacations, as well as nice clothes, furniture, etc. I think when many women realize that after college, or even an advanced degree, all of these things are not easily attainable, they look for men who can provide them. If they do not meet a man that can, or will, they continue looking. So, men get stuck into the world of materialism. They learn quickly that to get the slender attractive woman not necessarily cash, but "things" attract women. A nice condo, nice home, fancy car, nice clothes, etc. Granted, this man might be paycheck to paycheck, but he gives the impression of having what women want. He might be less better looking, dumber, less scrupulous, but overall his things speak louder than whom he is himself.
Jersey Shortie Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 "... I enjoy the finger things in life and I make no apologies for it at all!" Fingers are good to have...true dat. Well, I like nice things, pretty clothes and the likes of that. Feeling good in an outfit and having my hair and make up done makes me feel like a woman. But I certainly don't need to spend a couple hundred on a bag or shoes to feel good about myself. I actually think it's ridiculous how much people spend for a purse, something you put on the floor and carry your keys and lipstick in. But then again, people spend their money on many ridiculous items....purses, porn, gambling, liquer...I think we all have a vice that we spend ridiculous money on. If people put more money to people who actually needed it..those that don't have health care and are sick, those that go hungry every night, those that work hard but never had the oppurtunies that their counterparts were lucky to have, we'd live in a better world. Instead, you got women running around on 5th avenue buying up god ugly Louis Vutton bags that they were told were hot with their chests inflated with plastic, and a little boy in a third world county not growing because he doesn't have what he needs. Our world is bleeped up. And no one ever understands how lucky they are, until they loose something that they are so lucky to have. By the way, those women are out there. They just aren't as flashy.
movingonandon Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Clothing can become expensive, but i do not think the OP is specifically referring to that. It is more or less the feeling of "entitlement" to having the American dream, of a big home, fancy car, vacations, as well as nice clothes, furniture, etc. I think when many women realize that after college, or even an advanced degree, all of these things are not easily attainable, they look for men who can provide them. If they do not meet a man that can, or will, they continue looking. So, men get stuck into the world of materialism. They learn quickly that to get the slender attractive woman not necessarily cash, but "things" attract women. A nice condo, nice home, fancy car, nice clothes, etc. Granted, this man might be paycheck to paycheck, but he gives the impression of having what women want. He might be less better looking, dumber, less scrupulous, but overall his things speak louder than whom he is himself. entitlement is a general problem though, don't pin it on women only. i don't disagree with some of your most extreme assessments, but, at the same time find them a bit limiting; the entitlement feeling is very interesting tome, simply because it is so obnoxious . the american dream got severaly handicapped along the way: it says that anybody COULD achieve the house with the white picket fense, not that anybody is PROMISED one. but that last part got lost, so now we have the absurd situation where people (consumers) in the richest country in the history and on the planet feeling "squeezed". of course you fill feel squeezed if you have mortgaged your entire future same thing with retirement: since when is retirement supposed to be a cushy vacation? it makes me sick that people complain about how low the social security benefits are... if you want more, then shop less and save more.. etc. but then again; such boneheaded-ness keeps the economy growing
ipetree Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Men are simpler, overall. A man can be content living in a small apartment. Not so for most women. Most of what they buy revolves around getting sex. Fancy restaurants, jewelry etc are not in business because of men.
kashmir Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Honestly, I think it would do a world of good for this country if we go into another great depression. Now before everyone jumps on me, hear me out. Think back to your grandparents (or parents, if you're older) who grew up during the 30's. Every member of that generation that I know or knew didn't take anything for granted. They were all hard working, even if they had to work **** jobs (which they all did as young adults). They grew up in a very hard time and because of that, they didn't need fancy material possessions as they got older, and they were raised to know the value of good hard work. I really respect all my American grandparents and family members (I have one grandfather who was a foreigner, and he just played poker and chased women when he came to America since he was living off his officer pension in Iran...of course that ended in 1979 ). I'm 19 now, and I have to say that my generation is filled with laziness and greed. People want want want, but they're never willing to work for it. My school is VERY strict on cheating and plagiarism. They constantly emphasize the penalties against it. I always thought it was over-stated, since I said to myself, "I don't see how anyone could seriously plagiarize chunks of people's works. It's not that hard to come up with original writing." Then I realized just how much people cheat. I go into the library and I always see people copying and pasting paragraphs from the internet into word documents. People always leave their work for the last minute, and then cheat to finish it. On top of that, they feel the need to complain and whine about the stress they're under. And I always hear people coming up with strategies to cheat. Not everyone is like this, but I guarantee if our grandparents got the opportunities that we did, they'd be taking advantage of them to a MUCH higher extent. This generation is too used to being handed everything. A great depression would wake them up and help them realize that they're never going to see another BMW graduation gift that mommy and daddy bought them again.
ipetree Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Kashmir, good post. I grew up with old fashion European parents. I never took anything for granted. I am amazed at the sense of entitlement everyone has after graduating school. Also, a depression would have the effect of bringing people together, and relying on one another. Cooking together, watching their own kids, helping each other etc.
movingonandon Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Honestly, I think it would do a world of good for this country if we go into another great depression. Now before everyone jumps on me, hear me out. Think back to your grandparents (or parents, if you're older) who grew up during the 30's. Every member of that generation that I know or knew didn't take anything for granted. They were all hard working, even if they had to work **** jobs (which they all did as young adults). They grew up in a very hard time and because of that, they didn't need fancy material possessions as they got older, and they were raised to know the value of good hard work. I really respect all my American grandparents and family members (I have one grandfather who was a foreigner, and he just played poker and chased women when he came to America since he was living off his officer pension in Iran...of course that ended in 1979 ). I'm 19 now, and I have to say that my generation is filled with laziness and greed. People want want want, but they're never willing to work for it. My school is VERY strict on cheating and plagiarism. They constantly emphasize the penalties against it. I always thought it was over-stated, since I said to myself, "I don't see how anyone could seriously plagiarize chunks of people's works. It's not that hard to come up with original writing." Then I realized just how much people cheat. I go into the library and I always see people copying and pasting paragraphs from the internet into word documents. People always leave their work for the last minute, and then cheat to finish it. On top of that, they feel the need to complain and whine about the stress they're under. And I always hear people coming up with strategies to cheat. Not everyone is like this, but I guarantee if our grandparents got the opportunities that we did, they'd be taking advantage of them to a MUCH higher extent. This generation is too used to being handed everything. A great depression would wake them up and help them realize that they're never going to see another BMW graduation gift that mommy and daddy bought them again. Yup, our grandparents, hands down the greatest generation ever. You forgot to mention two things: in addition to the depression, they 1) also fought two wars AND 2) although they were dirt-poor, they still looked MUCH BETTER and CLASSIER than the contemporary slobs plauqing the streets everywhere; Look at any depression-era picture.
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