reelbigfish Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 So I'm dating a new girl that is a long distance relationship. My question is I've been in one LDR before - is it ok to ask that ex for advice on what I did well or did wrong so that I can make this one last? P.S. I don't look for LDR's - apparently they just find me!
Geishawhelk Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 No. This is like asking someone you botched an operation on, whether you should do the same operation on a new patient! My BF on the other hand, thinks it would be a great idea! So maybe male perspectives will be different to female perspectives!!
prettybaby Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I'm looking at it this way: if an ex-bf of mine suddenly contacted me to ask what he did wrong so that he won't mess up his new relationship; I'd probably be honest and tell him. However, I'm still good friends with most of them (not sure how I managed to do that lol). So in your case, it would depend on two things: - whether you had parted on good terms - whether she's currently happy in another relationship Because, if you two parted on bad terms, and if your ex-gf is currently single and/or not completely satisfied with her life (which I suppose you have no way of really knowing), then I don't think she'd be too happy to help you out with your new relationship. Conclusion: unless you're totally sure, I wouldn't risk it.
kashmir Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Conclusion: unless you're totally sure, I wouldn't risk it. But what does he have to lose? An ex getting pissed or freaked out?
prettybaby Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Well since he's tempted to ask her those questions, it's clear that his self confidence isn't at its best. A self confident person doesn't need anybody else to enlighten them about what to do or not to do. Confident people don't ask for validation and don't second guess themselves. We're usually all able to figure out (at least roughly) what went wrong in past relationships. So, I think what he has to lose if his ex freaks out or gets mean, is another piece of self confidence. And self confidence is one of the keys to successful relationships. Honestly, I'd be interested to find out more about those two long distance relationships. Are we talking about people you've at least physically been with for a while?
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