Sephorelle Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Hello! I've come on here for some advice on a break-up that has pretty much destroyed my life for the past year. I apologize for the novel I am about to write... I met my ex when I was 15 (now 21) and he was 20. We spent 4 1/2 happy years together. He was my best friend, we did everything together, and had a bond like nothing else. We had our lives pretty much all figured out. His friend offered him a job in another city that would offer him a lot of money. The both of us wanted to get a place together so we thought this would be a good thing. The plan was for him to be gone for 10 months. After his first few weeks he started getting distant, and would rarely contact me. He blamed this on long work hours and no cell reception due to working in fields. It was really tough, but our visits went well, and communication was hard, although he remained his sweet self for the most part. When he came home for visits, he refused to bring his cell back with him, and said it was so he could have a break, and if people wanted to contact him, they could call my phone. I started seeing questionable pictures on the internet of him with other girls, and any time I called him on it, he would insist that was just how everyone was out there, and that I wouldn't understand. A couple months before he was to come home, I threw him a surprise party, thinking he would be so happy to see all his friends. He was not happy that I threw it, and treated me like garbage in front of all of our friends. I could tell his heart wasn't really in it at this point...the rest of the trip was spent contemplating our relationship. We decided to keep going. A couple weeks after he went back, I saw more pictures, and called him. He flipped out on me and said that this wasn't going to work for him anymore...I left it at that, I was so tired with being treated poorly...our best friends we're getting married that next month and we were both in the wedding party. I knew it wasn't over, even thought he texted me the night before the wedding saying althought it will be hard, we should keep our feelings aside, so we don't take away from their special day. I tried my very best to ignore him, and I'm sure him me, but eventually we started talking, and by the end of the night it was like nothing ever happened. He proclaimed that he made the biggest mistake and that he was going to come home and everything would be okay. The following morning, he said he was unsure of what he was going to do as he made lots of promises to people out there, and that it would be hard. He also started crying but wouldn't tell me why...he's not a crier. I thought maybe it was out of guilt if he had someone out there. At this time he had a house with this girl and some guys from the pictures, but they were just friends. He refused to see me for the rest of his visit because he did not want to "lead me on if he wasn't going to come home, but he was going to try his best." I didn't believe him, and so I started making a new life for myself. He texted me almost everyday saying he was working on it, but never once picked up the phone. He finally gave me a date, and althought he pushed it back several times due to car problems he was on his way. I had found pictures of him with this same girl that were completly unacceptable for anyone, so while he was on his drive home, I called him. He was livid with me and suggested I not be there when he arrived. I wanted to see him badly, so I went there and apologized for getting upset about the pictures, and said all that mattered was that he was home now. He didn't treat me all that well when he got home, and I was getting a little fed up. He refused to have his cell around me, and if he needed to call or text someone he would go into the bathroom or somewhere that I couldn't see him. He had developed all these strange new habbits that werent like him. After several arguments, he didn't call me for 3 days, so I called to see what the deal was. He was very rude to me, and told me that this just wasn't going to work for him, (he was home for 1.5 weeks at this point) and that he got a promotion and was moving back. A couple days before he was to go back, he sent me several texts saying how sorry he was, and how scared he was that he is losing hold of what's important to him. And how he's never been so crazy over a girl before...I didn't write much back and that was the last time we spoke. Three days after he got back home him and this girl from the pictures were official. She had a child and they had a house and are still together to this day. I haven't had one word with him in a year which brings me to my question now...He is home for a visit and I thought, why not add him to facebook, so, he accepted me, but 8 hours later he removed me as a friend, and blocked me on MSN with a name that said, if the grass is greener on the other side, hop the fence and f*ck right off. He also deleted the note that ever said I added him in the first place. Last night I recieved texts from his phone at 4 am telling me to come out with his friends twice, and then 40 minutes later said, Sorry, that wasn't me...sorry. Do any of you have an idea as to why he accepted me, then removed me and also put that comment up? Do you believe the comment was geared toward me? Any insight on the whole situation would be greatly appreciated...and thank you for reading all the way through.
UnamedSeven Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Yeah, i read all the way through lol. Anyway, you were right to have your suspicions about him and the girl in the pictures. Its just a defensive side that everyone has. Moving on is the absolute thing you have to do. Whether or not you have, it has to be done. He sent the text message telling you to hang out with his friends, probably because he wanted to see you. When he realized you weren't going to respond, he made up some dumb crap saying that it wasn't him who sent that; which, I'm sure it was. Umm, not too much else that i can say, other than something i generally say to a lot of people.. "Just keep on, Keepin' on"
Author Sephorelle Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Thanks for your insight..the reason I posted this thread was for an opionion on the acceptance and removal on facebook.
BCCA Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Wow what a douche... I think I know exactly whats going on. It sounds to me like he was telling this other woman a lot of things about you that were probably BS. He was probably crying because he knew that his only choice was to come clean with you or lie to this other woman forever. He chose option B. He probably added you because he was coming home, and figured maybe you two could hang out while he was in town. Honestly, think booty call. Then, he probably realized that hes been telling this other girl what a crazy b***h you are, and it would be awful hard to explain adding you on FB if you were in fact some psycho ex gf. So, he probably deleted you to avoid having to explain anything to the new gf. The we get to the MSN status. You know what I think? I think he probably made this other woman feel bad for him by telling her that YOU were in fact the one that was being shady behind the scenes, and/or you cheated on him. He probably told her the love of his life dumped him for someone else. Basically, he projected everything he's done to you onto you to put on a good show for the new gf. Kind of sick, huh? Just be glad this guy is gone. You dont need some bozo like that in your life at all. He obviously BS'd you to high heaven about what was really going on the whole time he was out of town. From my experience, whenever you see someone starting to distance themselves, there is a major problem. Im sorry you had to go through this.
Author Sephorelle Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Thanks alot for your opinion, means alot...Just for the record, I added him, he accepted me, then hours later removed me.
BCCA Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Thanks alot for your opinion, means alot...Just for the record, I added him, he accepted me, then hours later removed me. Regardless of who added who, I still stand by my original statement. He removed you to avoid explaning why he accepted your request. I'm sorry, I hope youre doing ok.
Author Sephorelle Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 He's also officially blocked and deleted me from MSN, but I never once approached him, so why do that?
BCCA Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 He's also officially blocked and deleted me from MSN, but I never once approached him, so why do that? I can almost promise you that whatever he's telling this new gf is probably not the truth, so his actions might not make sense, but I can assure you that there is a reason behind it. And really, do you care that much? No, I know its confusing, but leave him to do whatever he wants with himself from now on, dont waste your time thinking about it.
Author Sephorelle Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 Could it be he is scared I am wanting to confront him on everything he did to me, so is blocking me to avoid the situation?
Author Sephorelle Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 Or that his girlfriend could think me as a threat, and asked that he get rid of any contact we could possibly have?
UnamedSeven Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I would say, all of the above. Along with other random reasons thrown in there. It sucks because this is a prime example of when reality smacks you in the face. He probably had to show his girlfriend, that he stopped liking you and is willing to delete every and any form of contact to you. Let him live his own life. He honestly has no idea what its like to be treated, the way he treated you. His time will come, when he will be the one in your position.
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