hereandnow Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Well, I feel like I've reached the depressions stage of grief with this relationship. That's supposed to be a good sign, because acceptance is the next and last stage. I just got up today at 1 pm. And guess who I was dreaming about! I've smoked 3 cigarettes already and I haven't even got dressed yet. I have today off as well as Thanksgiving and Friday. I'm seriously thinking about contacting her today or tomorrow. It's been 8 days of NC, broken up for a month. Last contact was via e-mail. I think part of the reason I want to contact her is because her first statement to me when we broke up was that she wanted to take a month break and see where she stands. Of course having read and posted on here during this past month I know all about "breaks" and so I really don't have a whole lot of hope. From your personal experience, do you think contacting her is going to take me back to square one? Would I start grieving all over again, or do you think it may just hurt for a little while if I don't get the response that I want? My experience so far with NC has been that each time I try it I get a little farther along but then I end up contacting again. It's been 2 weeks since I've actually seen or talked to her.
Surfer Dude Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I don't wanna sound harsh, but you're setting yourself for a major disappointment here. What do you think you will achieve by contacting her? If it's been 1 month and she didn't bother calling you or sending a message, what makes you think she really cares about you? Don't break NC. You'll be at square one in no time if you do so. She either won't reply to your message or she'll tell you some BS to push you away from her. Either way you'll feel like crap for breaking NC, you'll start hating yourself for it and regret the whole thing. I know it, trust me. There's no reason to contact her, she knows where to find you if she has any desire to do so.
northstar1 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Well, I feel like I've reached the depressions stage of grief with this relationship. That's supposed to be a good sign, because acceptance is the next and last stage. I just got up today at 1 pm. And guess who I was dreaming about! I've smoked 3 cigarettes already and I haven't even got dressed yet. I have today off as well as Thanksgiving and Friday. I'm seriously thinking about contacting her today or tomorrow. It's been 8 days of NC, broken up for a month. Last contact was via e-mail. I think part of the reason I want to contact her is because her first statement to me when we broke up was that she wanted to take a month break and see where she stands. Of course having read and posted on here during this past month I know all about "breaks" and so I really don't have a whole lot of hope. From your personal experience, do you think contacting her is going to take me back to square one? Would I start grieving all over again, or do you think it may just hurt for a little while if I don't get the response that I want? My experience so far with NC has been that each time I try it I get a little farther along but then I end up contacting again. It's been 2 weeks since I've actually seen or talked to her. We've all been there, the strong urge to contact. But you know what? It rarely, if ever, results in anything good. You may feel relief for an hour, then you'll no doubt feel bad again when reality crashes back in, and you dont' get the reply you crave. 8 days is still early in NC, it's hard, it's one of the hardest things you'll do, but if you cave now, you'll just end up back at day 1 and have rebuild the healing Keep yourself busy over the holidays , don't just sit arond and smoke, smoking raises your heartrate, constricts your blood vessels and will make you feel more jittery. Go for a run, go to a bookstore, go out with friends. But dont' contact them
Sysyphus28 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 a break for a month then she will tell you where she stands. She is not Queen of the world dude. She doesn't get to put your emotions on hold for a period of time until she decides if she wants to keep you. You are not a cat. or a pair of pants. If she doesn't call you on thanksgiving you know where you stand. Wait until the holiday passes. Then at least you will know if she is worth it. If she doesn't call you on a major holiday DO NOT TALK TO HER. It is a big deal to ignore any family or "loved ones" on a holiday. You will see what the deal is then. Do everyone proud... I have broke and it sucks big time. Don't be me. BE BETTER than her....show her you are ok.
Author hereandnow Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Thanks for the replies. I actually just got back from a jog and am smoking again! Probably fixing to go to the bookstore, and I will be hanging out with friends tonight. Either you're reading my mind or you've been reading my posts northstar! I did tell my ex gf not to get in touch with me unless she wants to try again, this was the last time we were in contact through e-mail, so she probably won't call me for Thanksgiving. Or maybe she will, who knows. We didn't break up on a bad note. I'm really trying not to deceive myself here, but the mind is a terrible thing. More than likely it's over for good. Sometimes I just tell that to myself. It's over. Sometimes that gets through, other times hope does. I'm sure ya'll can relate. I'll try not to call today. I'm in AA and there's a guy down here who shares that he knew he couldn't stay sober for the rest of his life. Someone told him what about until you go to sleep tonight, can you stay sober until then. He said "We can talk about that one." Haha. He's been sober a very long time now. So, maybe I'll call tomorrow. One day at a time.
EmperorR Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Don't do it, you will just feel like crap you did eight days keep going night calls text nothing. I gurantee if you do it, you"ok be on here wishing it didn't. It's like giving up smoking and taking that one hit you get a little high then you crash
roghornio Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Don't do it! 8 Days is nothing... wait till you hit 3 or 4 months.
mikejc Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 My girlfriend of 2 years dumped be with no warning 3 weeks ago and is in a relationship with another guy. It was brutal ending and contact with her litreally makes me feel sick. Im stuck in denial a bit and struggling with NC and broke it again yesterday and I went back to the dreadful feelings and lost all my sense of control. Im fighting now to stick at it as I know she only contacts me to help her even more with the "missing you" transition at no respect to my feelings. She writes me emails with "cant stoploving you, im so confused, what am I doing with thsi guy", really crazy stuff and very very hurtful and confusing. NC is the way fwd, I just need to find the discipline to actually do it. Breaking NC and who knows what crazy stuff will make its way out of theri minds into yours. So, hang in there and hopefully we can both get through this nightmare :>)
TeaAbraham Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 When I broke NC after three weeks, it really really set me back. I found out a ton of **** she was hiding from me, and I figured out why she said some things that she did, which was good, but everything I found out just took me back to extreme pain from extreme sadness. I guess it was nice learning about all the things she was trying to hide from me, which makes me feel less guilty in some ways and showed me how such a deceitful person really does not deserve what I can give, but it was ever so painful. I don't know. You should probably wait it out a bit more. She's just not worth it dude! What's the point? It tells you a lot if she is the one who did the dumping and she isn't contacting you. Don't go running and begging, it really doesn't help.
9Lives Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Do not do it. I totally understand. Let them come to you and even then you need to set some boundaries. Personally, I would not let them back until you are over them so you can be reasonable in your own mind. If she is puttin you off...then try to stay away for a long time. It is not good for someone to start this bull. I would not call.
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