juliemanooli Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 So, me and my ex broke up almost 2 months ago. He ended it. I was devastated. He wanted to be friends. Stupid me agreed to. First week was okay, we still talked like we were cool. All of a sudden, the 2nd week, he was being weird. I asked why. He said he didnt like what i wore to a football game. And he thought I was trying to make him jealous. I was SOO MAD. So i told him "My life doesnt revolve around you" and that was that. We didnt talk after that for a while. And everytime I saw him it was super akward. fast forward to a few weeks later.. I was having a mental breakdown. I couldnt take it any longer. I texted him and told him that i never stopped liking him, and i felt like i didnt know him anymore. I also said that i didnt wanna be his friend because it wasnt helping me get over him. (not like we acted as friends in the first place) that was about a month ago. NC ever since.. I saw him at a basketball game the other day. He was sitting with a few of my guy friends. one of them texted me and asked me to go sit by all of them. Then, he said, "nevermind, your ex is being insecure" I thought it was weird.. I didnt understand why he couldnt even stand being a foot near me. Its been 2 months since the breakup. Is he over it? or is he just being weird? I've given him space. i've gone nc immediatley after telling him i didnt wanna be his friend. I thought he'd be over it by now. Yet, he still acts as if im a plague. Why?
fishtaco Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 NC is a good idea. Should have done that right off the bat. But everyone recover at different rates. Doesn't matter who did the break up or did this or that or whatever. Sounds like you're okay now but he's not. Just stay away from him until he's ready. It could take 3 more weeks, it could take 30 more years. Just go with the flow, and don't try to force anything. If you share friends, then you can get inside info. Just like at the ball game.
Author juliemanooli Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Thanks fishtaco, yea i shouldve done nc since the very beginning. I couldnt help it
Geishawhelk Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I couldnt help it Ah! The old "I couldn't help it" excuse. Sorry to wade in here, but just think about this a moment..... It's cr*ap. If you couldn't help it - who could? Who was going to help you do anything, but you? Who's in charge of you and your thoughts, words and actions? Who's in Control of you, and your thoughts, words and actions? You are. "I couldn't help it" is actually a wonderful cop-out. It takes the blame for your behaviour, off your shoulders, and puts it neatly...... where? on who? Nowhere. And no-one. Why? I'll give you 3 guesses.....
Gere51 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I don't understand the behavior of someone that's ended a relationship and wants to be "friends", and when one doesn't reciprocate, they get upset. Anyone that dumps a person can not expect friendship when there were serious feelings involved. I've had this exact situation happen to me and it ended when my ex-girlfriend became upset because I initiated NC after a short period of being "friends", which was doing me absolutely no good. Stay NC, let him know what he missed.
carhill Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 IMO, xBF is looking for an ego feed to bolster his self-esteem and confidence in his decision, which he may now regret. The mature thing for him to do is to leave you alone and only make contact if and when he's willing to be honest and empathetic about how he's handled things. Everything else is just BS. Best wishes to you in your healing
BCCA Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I don't understand the behavior of someone that's ended a relationship and wants to be "friends", and when one doesn't reciprocate, they get upset. Anyone that dumps a person can not expect friendship when there were serious feelings involved. I've had this exact situation happen to me and it ended when my ex-girlfriend became upset because I initiated NC after a short period of being "friends", which was doing me absolutely no good. Stay NC, let him know what he missed. I understand it perfectly. It's a totally selfish move, which like it or not, breaking up with someone is, too. They've decided that they want you in their life, but only under their conditions, and when someone is used to getting their way with you, its frustrating when it stops working. Its kind of like how people go "if i could just get my ex to understand X..." Youre ex is thinking, "if he could just be my friend, I would have a perfect situation!" Problem is, theyre only thinking whats good for them, and not really considering the other person. Keep in mind, however, that when youve been dumped, this other person probably hasnt been too concerned about you for a while now.
Gere51 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Could not have said it better myself. It is very selfish on their part. For that reason, one has to initiate NC. If not you'll only be feeding their ego.
Author juliemanooli Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Thanks everyone. You're alll right. he's extremely selfish and insecure. He doesnt care about my feelings whatsoever. He's constantly thinking about himself. I'm so done with this. there comes a point in your life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix things. it's not giving up, it's realizing that you don't need certain people. and i certainly dont need him in my life, after all the things he's done to me.
4by4 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Staying friends after been dumped is the single most self-destructive thing you could do. Your ex clearly doesn't feel for you anymore, she/he may have even already started to drfit away from you a long long time ago before officially breaking up with you. I think that is selfish enough to stay with someone whilst trying to move on and eventually doing so when you are strong enough and detached enough. Then they come back and even have the guts to ask you to be "friends", hang out with you, ask you to be their rock, still have sex with them etc etc. Please, who do you think I am? My ex told me she still loved me as a friend and started crying when she found out I no longer wanted anything to do with her. I even felt a tad sorry for her to just pull away so abruptly without any emotion. But I thought to myself.. this is the girl that dumped you and doesn't even think about your interests, she deserves no sympathy! To be honest, i'm 80% over it now. My healing continues everyday with NC. You dude sounds like the type that gets insecure and emotional, even though he has probably moved on from you already. Staying friends with him will only boost his ego and you don't want that. If he seriously misses you that let him suffer, he left behind a damn good thing and now he doesn't get any of your good qualities, EVER!
motive2002 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 there comes a point in your life when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix things. it's not giving up, it's realizing that you don't need certain people. and i certainly dont need him in my life, after all the things he's done to me. That's the spirit!
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