fabulousgal Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 aye. so the past 2 days have been bad. i can't concentrate, im really emotional. im sad that i went nc, but i know its for the best. yesterday i almost caved though and contacted him. there was no huge blowout etc, in fact we were still in communication. i just felt like i had to hold back bc we broke up when i moved away. i didn't feel appreciated. he didn't even want to try. i helped him out after i left and i def didn't feel like he really appreciated it. we were all about eachother till i left. i didn't expect the moon, but i didn't feel a demotion to friend was in order. there is so much to be grateful and thankful for im mad at myself right now for being upset. i just got back from a counseling session where i cried nonstop the entire time. my therapist looked a little shocked bc i don't think she's ever seen me that way. i feel pretty low, not worthy blah blah blah. i control me, i know that but this is overwhelming at the moment. I'm going to try to make a yoga class tonight to get a grip. i hope everyone has a blessed holiday.
Author fabulousgal Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 man i feel like im wasting. i went to that yoga class, and i cried in yoga! normally that doesn't happen. i am so frustrated that all i can think about is HIM. like i said so much to be grateful for. i am really really hoping that this is just one of the stages of grief and it will lift soon. i am having a really hard time distracting myself the past few days, which i was doing so well at just last week. i know talking to him will only make it worse.
JooLee Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 listen, i think you need to take some time off, spend some time by yourself and cry your heart out. set your self a time period to be miserable and after the period is over, get back up on your feet. dont worry, its normal to grief, just let it all out. dont be so hard on yourself. and yes it will get better soon. believe that it will. IT WILL GET BETTER!
Author fabulousgal Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 gracias joolee, i struggle with am i doing the right thing, but then of course i am because he doesn't seem to be phased by my exit. i want to contact him, but then i remember i probably shouldn't. i feel like i have become depressed the past few days. i feel bad about me in general. i really opened up to this person, and i know i am not perfect. i wish it weren't so easy to let me go. basically bc i don't want to let him go. i understand not everything works out etc, but he seemed so present and into it as well, i don't think i expected this. aye. i wish i had a chest of armor. i wish i could stop spiraling out of nowhere when i feel good for a few hours. its ultimatley up to me, this i know.
anna_k Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 I really can relate to what you're feeling when you say that you opened up to this person and you wish it weren't so easy for him to let you go. I feel exactly the same way. My boyfriend of 2 years told me that he doesn't want to continue yesterday, after I had spent what I thought was a really good weekend with him. I'm just devastated but reading what you're going through makes me feel okay for a few seconds, so thank you for taking the time to write. I think you sound like a lovely person, and you are right to say that the grief will lift.
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