I made it through

[BackonTrack2]

Hello All,

I've been posting allot on these forums every since I got better. Some people are probably tired of hearing from me. Anyhow, my first real relationship ended a few months ago. My lover was cheating on me? I don't know anymore, maybe she left because she found better or maybe there was something I did to her which turned her off, eitherway she began an affair and started acting really strange. I found out about it like 6 months after it started, I reacted standardly, cursed the girl out, threw the girl out, fired the girl, vowed to get rid of the girl but somehow this never happen and the girl ended up breaking up with me, blaming me and somehow turned the tables on me. I was left broken, lost and in a daze for months. I came to about 6 or 7 months after these events.

 

I don't know how she did it, but eitherway I was a fool. I'm better, we are all human. Doesn't really bother me anymore but boy I'm lonely. No one around anymore. Can't say I miss her, I sort of despise her when I think about it, like "how could she do that" sort of thing. Angry thoughts come to mind but whatever I won't see her again in life hopefully.

 

Nothing much to report, can't say I miss my friend, I don't think we were ever friends. I thought we were. Can't say I miss my ex, she doesn't love me anymore or probably never did. Who knows, she's confusing. Well anyways back to life, took a pause or break from it for about 8 months recovering, kind of wasted allot of time on this event, that was foolish of me.

 

I always thought she was coming back, but nope, never did. Not even a call to see how I'm doing, I wonder if she still remembers, I doubt it. Its been to long. I wonder if she's with that new guy still, not the sort of wondering like I care, but wondering like, what is her life like now sort of thing without me. I know mine stayed the same, except I lost her. I got a new place and a new car. Haven't really been doing much lately.

 

You know reading all these stories on loveshack, and being one of them, I realize like wow, my ex really wanted out. I wonder why she just never flat-out told me to go away until I found out about the fair, then I started to see how my ex really felt about me.

 

She sort of hated me, she sort of loved me but not that much, she sort of was using me for money, she sort of was trying to make me into a friend without hurting my feelings i suppose but deep down, she did not think to highly of me. I wonder what I did to her, maybe the fact that I cheated on her once, got to her or something. I don't know.

 

For a girl whom, while I was having sex with her started to cry and shake and say "I love you so much" to suddenly do a 180 u-turn and say "Stop harassing me, Never contact me again, I am in a serious relationship" is mind boggling. I wonder what was the straw that broke's the camels back in this relationship.

 

According to her friend, everything was messed up but, but we had passion or so she says. I wish someone would of told me. You know now that I am thinking about it with a clear head, I would of done anything for that girl, she said "All she wanted to do was be there for me" HUH?? by ****ing someone else?? Anyway, whatever, I'll never understand her or her actions, something was wrong with her.

 

Something became wrong with me too, once I found out about the cheating, boy did I change, I put up this iron guard, lasted for 2 weeks but it came crashing down once I realized she'll be gone for-ever. Can't believe I let her hurt me like that. I started professing my love for her (stupid) and doing crazy irrational things (I was messed up in the head). I put aside my pride and everything (Stupid, causes people to loose respect for you), I thought I was doing the right thing.

 

Anyway so now what? Well I'm 24, single, and no real social life. I have money, a nice place, a nice car. I don't miss the EX anymore, its gone. I don't even really think about her anymore, maybe about 20 minutes/day as opposed to like 12 hours everyday for the last 6-7 months. I guess the feeling went away once I finally realized she wasn't coming back. I guess she was serious, she must of been thinking about it for a while.

 

I wonder why she came around to help me with work, it must of been because I was paying her. I sure did fire her ass twice. I guess thats the last question I had in regards to this relationship. When I met her, she loved and adored me. Its almost like she only came around to help me do good in life.

 

When we first met, I never wanted her, but she hung out with me and stayed with me and let me have sex with her and I would try and fix her life issues. After a while I got lazy and stop talking to her, and her stupid self stayed anyway. We didn't do nothing for like months, she stayed anyway, I always wondered why. She would say strange things too like "Hey U know, I will stay and organize your stuff for you while your gone, I just want to be your girlfriend" and I'm here thinking in my head, silly girl, your way better than being some man's organizer, and in my head i'm thinking "you are already my girlfriend, u just don't now, find something better to do".

 

I don't know what else to say, 8 or 9 months later and I finally closed that chapter in my life. Right now I rally don't care what happens, but at the time, it was the most pressing issue on my mind, I don't even know why. I can't even explain that relationship. It was weird. It ended up messing me up mentally for a few months. Not sure if it was worth it, na it wasn't worth it. I did learn allot of women though, well how to identify un-happyness based on action.

 

Thats pretty much the only thing I got out of this one, some personal improvements as well, nothing major. I don't think it was worth my time now that I think about it. If I could do it again, I wouldn't. Ended it flames. Wasn't worth it. The person I thought I knew, was made up of a image she portrayed to me, it was all lies.

[Peter_pan]

"All she wanted to do was be there for me" HUH?? by ****ing someone else?? Anyway, whatever, I'll never understand her or her actions, something was wrong with her."

 

yeh i know what you mean mate. my ex was trying to let me down gently and made it worse, then when it was official between them she was like, its nothing serious.. and "im just a phone call away if you need me"

 

i mean wtf. going out with some one in a matter of weeks and saying that stuff to me after a 3.4 yr relationship

 

not heard from her since it was 8 months ago. i dont no what i did wrong to deserve this?

 

i dont even know how i feel about it, i miss her sometimes, but know its over and cant go back to how it was. im kinda wound up about it, and part of me wants to break nc to just say what i want to say and take the piss out of her for being with him still. and really ask awkward questions

 

i hate her really. she changed into such a nasty piece of work. and i hate that, cuss she has been the nicest girl ive ever met/ever been with.

 

sorry to hear bout your situation to. sounds similar to mine but i dont think she properly cheated. just kinda did.

[BackonTrack2]

Wow thats crazy. Girls are crazy. Man for whatever reasons she left, and cheated and blamed us. I don't know what to say I have no words. The ex was a whore.. Nothing I can do, won't even try to explain it or be understanding. **** her/them/ the relationship, it meant nothing.

 

I was fooled, tricked, for months. The ex thought it was a game. It was funny to her. She didn't love me like I loved her. I gave her whatever she wanted, in return she left my ass.

 

Pass it, not even angry or mad or care whois she's with or anything. This time last year I was away being lied too while my ex was ****ing some dude talking to me everyday like we were still together up until the point the whore fell in love wtih this new dude and then stop coming around.

 

Properly cheated or not, she contiuned it for months and enjoyed it and felt no shame. The sex must of been good. She knew what was happening and contiuned it, she didn't love me or was upset at me or whatever who knows.

 

When I think about it now, I don't even ask myself questions like "if I did X or if I did Y", its like nothing. She's a whore, she didn't want me, threw me away, didn't care for me, she just was over me while together.

 

I mean thats COOL, but like atleast TELL ME, like I had plans, I was including you in them, the least you could of did was tell me so I wouldn't be thinking things that were not true.

[EmperorR]

My ex cheated on me to and also had the nerve to blame me, like I said yah go screw another guy. It's been 3 months every day is getting easier. At first I was begging pleading sending long emails leaving long vkicemails, ya Im the victim here the one who she should be begging for forgivness instead me like a idiot was the one doing it.

 

Now I'm at the point I know it's over but it's

so hard, I had no warning signs like some

people do we were in log everything good then she just went away and boom.

 

Ah well such is life, at least I'm young 23 out of debt while she has major school debt

[Surfer Dude]

I mean thats COOL, but like atleast TELL ME, like I had plans, I was including you in them, the least you could of did was tell me so I wouldn't be thinking things that were not true.

 

Exactly. I had plans too, I was working my ass off to save money so that we could have the future together, I worked graveyard shifts and my grades and health suffered from it. I put in so much effort and so much hopes, she just threw it away for some chump who didn't give a **** about her anyway.

 

It's a clear sign how some people simply don't appreciate what's being done for them, they just take our feelings for granted, treat them as objects and can't see past their own needs. Selfish and disgusting.

 

But in a way we profited from these breakups. Ask yourself if you'd really want a woman like her to be mother of your children someday. A woman unable to form emotional bonds and treat people with respect.

[BackonTrack2]

Everyone situtation is different but it all has basic elements.

For example my brother had a GF of 4 or 5 years. She chased him, got him, she had no job for 2 years, he took care of her, got them an apartment, found her a job and then he says she started to act really crazy once she started getting money.

 

She cheated on him, he was messed up for a while, kept it hidden though, no one really knew until one day he moved out of state and when asked he said he needed a change.

 

He called her for months, she told him it was over, then he stoped calling and like 6 or 7 months she starts calling the family. Talking to my mom, talking to me, she has a baby now, I think she regrets the decision but she never admits it. She still even calls my brother, he doesn't pick up and they been over for like 2 years. He still remembers and is still angry deep down but does't care, he's moving on.

 

In my case, if I am to be honest, I never wanted the girl, but she stayed. She stayed so long I said to myself I have to do right by her, but I was wrong. She left or was leaving on her way out, I felt it, I remember one night when I got my new place and she came over, she was acting really strange. By then she had restricted me to not touching her in her spots (I was so foolish) like a toad in hot water, the tempature just kept getting higher and higher and I did not notice.

 

Anyway, I tried to kiss her and then I started to tear, I FELT IT, she was leaving me, I FELT IT, then she must of felt pitty for me because we ended up having sex and she ended up crying saying "I Feel like a whore, if I didn't need the money I wouldn't 't come over here" to which I replied to her like "Baby I love you and I am going to take care of you and you shouldn't feel like a whore because you would help me for free" not knowning was.. What she was talking about was the fact she had been ****ing another for at this point 6 months and she felt bad for cheating on him I suppose.

 

If I am to be honest with myself again, she didn't feel bad, she WANTED IT, and being how I know her past history (she cheated on the last BF to be with me) then cheated on me with the current BF, then goes back and has sex witht previous guy 6 months after ****ing the new guy in both occasions, so it wasn't necessairly ME, beacuse its her pattern and she have done it TWICE so its within her nature.

 

So like now, when I think about the relationship. It's almost like my EX was operating as a Free Agent but the thing is.. She KNEW she wasn't. She KNEW it in her heart but that didn't stop her, she carried it on. She was young, didn't know a good man, maybe I was too tough, I don't even know if they are still together, they probably are, she's not stupid. She keeps you until she finds something better in her eyes.

 

I mean I am not angry or blame her, I like do YOU, but man why did you have me there loving you when you were out there loving someone else. I mean what about me? I mean the EX was confused and she looked to me for answers and I am like "you stupid bitch" how could you not know, how could you do that, she wanted me to explain to her why it was wrong, stupid girl. I didn't, I just said do what you want to do, and each time I said that, she just pulled away further and further and further.

 

Its almost like she needed a reason to stay and I'm like I'm not giving you one, **** that, you should know better, like she wanted me to convince her to stay or something. Crazy Girl.

 

Whatever Chick. Just upset took me MONTHS to get back to the point I was before everything hit the fan.

 

So whatever I'm free again, no need to worry about her or feel responsiable or wonder if she's doing good or has money or if anyone is bothering her. Don't got to do that anymore so thats a plus. I can go places now and not worry about coming back home.

 

Do I miss her??? I honestly don't remember it. It was a dream based on lies. We never meant anything to each other, just a girl I was having sex with and wanted to marry as my wife. She felt differently. Cool, thats life.

 

Wow my EX EX of 8 years ago just text me and I asked her to give me some pussy. LOL, man I got to get out this drought, I am doing crazy things. She has a PHD now + She knows I only want sex so like she started to act like my recent EX, and not give it to me, I wonder if thats out of spite.

 

What I did notice now about women is like you have to blind side them. Have sex with them before they realize whats happening. Once they figure it out, man their guards go up like a Iron Gate. I must of messed up like 3 or 4 relationships because Ididn't take it when they were offering.