officegirl Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I left my boyfriend's place quite abruptly this morning and I feel bad for that but I was soooo irritated with him and I didn't want to get into a fight over what might be a silly thing. You tell me. I'm a girl. He's a guy. We have great sex but he has a WHOLE lot more orgasms than i do. Partly because that's just the way things go and partly because I have a harder time climaxing during sex than I do with masturbation and always have. I never get fussy about this or make him feel badly or inadequate for any of this. I'd like it if he could last a bit longer for me to get off but I don't obsess about it. This morning I woke up in a foul mood. I was irritated about finances, I had a knot in my back pinching the crap out of my shoulder blade and couldn't get comfortable, and he woke me up at 6am with his monster snore. I needed to relax and calm down and so I initiated some fooling around with him (put his hand where I wanted it, you know). It was obvious I wanted to get off. We proceeded into sex and I got into position (the one that works best) and even told him "not yet" when I heard him making the sounds that indicated his orgasm. No luck. He finished. I wasn't mad at that. I realize that's not easily controlled. What pissed me off was that he just laid there and did nothing for me after he got his. After about 15 minutes of me just staring at the ceiling, he got the hint and mad his way back over to me. I said "yes thank you. that's what I wanted". He then said "what, were you just gonna pout about it forever?" THAT'S when I got up and got my things together and left. I was livid. I don't ask for much. It must be nice to climax EVERY time you have sex. I don't have that same luxury and I don't want to have to tell him to pleasure me. He certainly knew how to do it in the beginning! Am I completely overreacting?
norajane Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 What pissed me off was that he just laid there and did nothing for me after he got his If this is the only time that's happened, then yeah, you were overreacting. If this happens frequently, then it sounds like the anger has been building up inside you and you finally let out with it. Have you brought this up to him in the past? If so, then it's even more understandable that you'd get really pissed off. He certainly knew how to do it in the beginning! Sounds like he's been getting lazy. I guess now is as good a time as any to have a discussion about this. Let him know how much it upsets you that he's stopped being concerned about pleasing you as much as he used to, and that it makes you less interested in pleasing him when he doesn't take the initiative to give you pleasure during sex.
Enema Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I think you're overreacting. So many stories on here about women flipping out when their partner doesn't read their mind. If you want something and you're not getting it.... ask.
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I think you're overreacting. So many stories on here about women flipping out when their partner doesn't read their mind. If you want something and you're not getting it.... ask. While I would normally agree with the asking part, mutual pleasure is pretty basic when making out. Edit - To use an analogy, your wife says she's hungry, makes dinner and you take the entire meal and eat it, leaving nothing for her. If she got angry, would you say to her, well...you should have asked for some?
Author officegirl Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 I think you're overreacting. So many stories on here about women flipping out when their partner doesn't read their mind. If you want something and you're not getting it.... ask. I appreciate your opinion. But with all due respect, it doesn't take a mind reader to know that your girlfriend might like to have an orgasm once in a while. It's pretty much understood by me that when we have sex, he wants to get off. 99.9% of the time, he does. All I want is 1/4 of that consideration. To put it into perspective, we've spent the last week together. In that time, he's had easily 15-20 orgasms. I have had zero. I don't fake it so I know he knows. I think he's just comfortable. What you imply is that he could be oblivious to my sexual needs. Funny how men become more oblivious to basic needs the longer they're with someone. To the poster who asked if he had done this before. Yes. He frequently climaxes and then leaves it at that. That's not to say that he is completely selfish. We enjoy sex together and do lots of cool things. However, he knows that he frequently orgasms before I've had a chance to. Before, when we were new in the relationship, if this happened... he'd immediately finish me off with oral or his hand. That's all changed. The sex is over when he is finished and normally if I don't feel like there's a good chance that I can finish, I'm cool with stopping it there and cuddling. Today was different. I think I made it very clear that I wanted to finish.
carhill Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 He's become a selfish lover. Sounds like he did "it all" to hook you. Outside the bedroom, calmly tell him what you want. Then, watch his actions. You'll have an answer
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 He should cum once before you two have sex, this way he can last longer. Also, he does have fingers and a tongue so there are other measures of getting off than just having sex.
mental_traveller Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I think you're overreacting. So many stories on here about women flipping out when their partner doesn't read their mind. If you want something and you're not getting it.... ask. Seconded. People are not telepathic. Ask and you shall receive. Flip out after 15 minutes silence and he'll just think you're an overly-hormonal bunny boiler.
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 officegirl, try this next time. Have him give you oral, then roll over and go to sleep.
mental_traveller Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I appreciate your opinion. But with all due respect, it doesn't take a mind reader to know that your girlfriend might like to have an orgasm once in a while. It's pretty much understood by me that when we have sex, he wants to get off. 99.9% of the time, he does. All I want is 1/4 of that consideration. I think it's clear he's being selfish. We're just pointing out that passive-aggressive silences and pouting aren't going to help any. The moment you start communicating openly, and he *still* ignores your wishes, that's when you can legitimately gripe that the fault is 100% his. Until then, a lot of it could just be down to lack of communication. Open up and things can't get worse, and may well get better. Until you try, you won't know.
Author officegirl Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 agreed. but I do take issue with pointing out the obvious to another grown up. If there is one person in a relationship who anticipates the needs of their partner, and the other just waits to be told... there's an imbalance. That's the talk that needs to happen. By the way, us girls only boil bunnies for the dudes that can actually get us off.
norajane Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Seconded. People are not telepathic. Ask and you shall receive. Flip out after 15 minutes silence and he'll just think you're an overly-hormonal bunny boiler. But she initiated things by putting his hand on her - why would he think she didn't want to get off when she started it?! He should have gotten her off first, then gone for his. That she didn't say anything afterwards indicated she was angry that he was so selfish, not that she used that as a way to communicate that she wanted to get off.
You'reasian Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 agreed. but I do take issue with pointing out the obvious to another grown up. If there is one person in a relationship who anticipates the needs of their partner, and the other just waits to be told... there's an imbalance. That's the talk that needs to happen. By the way, us girls only boil bunnies for the dudes that can actually get us off. Shouldn't it get easier for you to orgasm the longer you are together? You get to know each others bodies and that bond gets tighter. I guess I've been lucky in that I've had gfs that could get off "relatively" easy. Encourage him to get you going with a little foreplay.
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 officegirl, try this next time. Have him give you oral, then roll over and go to sleep. FWIW, that strategy is buying my W a D I would recommend it only if one wishes to experience the consequences.... I also can opine that someone who is that oblivious to their partner's pleasure/needs will likely not be phased by such an "example"..... "What???" is a word I've often heard. YMMV, of course
norajane Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 FWIW, that strategy is buying my W a D I would recommend it only if one wishes to experience the consequences.... I also can opine that someone who is that oblivious to their partner's pleasure/needs will likely not be phased by such an "example"..... "What???" is a word I've often heard. YMMV, of course Shouldn't HE expect some consequences to his behavior? That's pretty much what he's been doing to her for a while now, it sounds like. Maybe he doesn't understand how it feels and needs to experience it for himself.
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Again, IME (genders reversed here), a person who is insensitive to their partner's sexual needs and desires, especially with an obvious deterioration as in the OP, is not going to be phased by "showing them". They just don't get it or don't care. Happy to be wrong
Author officegirl Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 After having a day to get over my initial pissed offedess... I can see that this is something we can work through. He's not a bad guy. He can however, get very caught up in himself. I've accepted having sex without a climax many times because it wasn't that big of a deal. I'm used to it. I got pissed because my immediate needs were not met this morning. I'm not sorry for how I acted because I was genuinely frustrated. And what is a relationship without genuine behavior and response. The the poster who asked if it should be easy for me to orgasm after being with him so long... I don't know the answer to that. I have never climaxed easily during intercourse. The sex with the boyfriend is out of sight for the most part. I think if anything, it's a mental focus thing for me. FYI- every man I've ever met has said the same thing you did. "I've never had a problem getting girls off". or something like that. I don't mean to be rude, but if I may give you some insight. I've faked it a lot in the past and steered clear of damaging the guy's ego. You never know. The problem with my current guy, is that I don't fake it. Don't want to. So he doesn't get those academy award winning performances from me. Anyway, I'm taking the night off from him and going out with friends. I don't want to be around him when I feel this bratty. It will get me no where.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 FWIW, that strategy is buying my W a D I would recommend it only if one wishes to experience the consequences.... I also can opine that someone who is that oblivious to their partner's pleasure/needs will likely not be phased by such an "example"..... "What???" is a word I've often heard. YMMV, of course IF officegirl's b/f is so oblivious, he might need a discussion first and if nothing changes, actions to match. I think after one clear discussion and 6 or 7 nights of blueballs from giving oral, he should get the message loud and clear.
carhill Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Well, I hope men "get the message" better than one particular woman does
casanovacorner Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I appreciate your opinion. But with all due respect, it doesn't take a mind reader to know that your girlfriend might like to have an orgasm once in a while. It's pretty much understood by me that when we have sex, he wants to get off. 99.9% of the time, he does. All I want is 1/4 of that consideration. Lets be honest, most women don't have orgasms because they expect the guy to know exactly what he's doing to another person's body. I'm going to give you some actual advice and not just say that you're over reacting or that he's being selfish. When he's doing something right, let him know at that moment, not after the fact. TELL him that he needs to pay attention to your body and reactions to what he is doing. Engaging in longer foreplay also helps. I can only speak from my experiences, but if he gets you going with foreplay, you'll climax faster. Here's a trick that most guys don't know, so suggest it to him. When he gets close to his climax, he should stop for a minute, use his fingers, then change positions. It keeps you going and gives him a minute or two to "recharge." He's obviously not going to stop until he climaxes, so concentrate on getting yours. You should also let him know where your g-spot is (couple inches back, and up). If he's doing it right, he should feel it, and you'll react to it. If he's paying attention, tell him to keep hitting that spot. Or you could call me and I'll help you out. lol... j/k
Author officegirl Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 thanks for the advice. but let me be clear. This is a selfish issue on his part entirely. We do the foreplay thing and he knows where the g spot is. We've got all that down. Let me reiterate the problem. He cums before I'm finished (not the problem). He does nothing to me after he cums (that's the problem). We know how to have sex. I'm just not getting off due to his selfishness. He is lazy and selfish. What you guys need to understand about some women is this. It's a little humiliating to have to ask for pleasure. To have to ask for something that you like to receive yourself and do not have to ask for. **let me say that this is not applicable to all women. There's a girl on here who likes to brag about how much sex she has and how easy it is for her to get off. Lest she read this and have a tantrum....
blair08 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Don't continue to be apart of his laziness and selfishness. If you have talked with him about all of this and how it makes you feel and he is still doing this, he obviously doesn't care how you feel or what you want. It must be all about him. If he is like this in the bedroom I'm sure he is probably like this in other areas of the relationship, if not now, he probably will be.
norajane Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 thanks for the advice. but let me be clear. This is a selfish issue on his part entirely. We do the foreplay thing and he knows where the g spot is. We've got all that down. Let me reiterate the problem. He cums before I'm finished (not the problem). He does nothing to me after he cums (that's the problem). We know how to have sex. I'm just not getting off due to his selfishness. After a guy comes, he tends to lose all interest in sex. The erotic urge has been satisfied, and he's done. It doesn't work that way with ALL men - some are happy to continue and give you oral or whatever until they're ready for round 2. But with many men, that's how it works. So the key is for him to make sure you are satisfied FIRST, either manually, or orally, or with a vibe, or by practicing the techniques to help him last longer during penetration. THEN he gets to come. Good lovers know this. He is lazy and selfish. What you guys need to understand about some women is this. It's a little humiliating to have to ask for pleasure. To have to ask for something that you like to receive yourself and do not have to ask for. I'd say it's something that makes me lose respect for a man if I have to repeatedly ask. It should be humiliating FOR HIM that you have to ask. Giving pleasure should be his priority. If it's not, he sucks as a lover.
casanovacorner Posted November 29, 2008 Posted November 29, 2008 thanks for the advice. but let me be clear. This is a selfish issue on his part entirely. We do the foreplay thing and he knows where the g spot is. We've got all that down. Let me reiterate the problem. He cums before I'm finished (not the problem). He does nothing to me after he cums (that's the problem). We know how to have sex. I'm just not getting off due to his selfishness. He is lazy and selfish. What you guys need to understand about some women is this. It's a little humiliating to have to ask for pleasure. To have to ask for something that you like to receive yourself and do not have to ask for. Personally, I make sure my partner gets hers first, its really not that hard. If he stops and changes position, I'm not sure how he reaches climax first. Maybe you need to teach him some new tricks. **let me say that this is not applicable to all women. There's a girl on here who likes to brag about how much sex she has and how easy it is for her to get off. Lest she read this and have a tantrum.... LOL. Yeah, I love those women.
IrishCarBomb Posted November 30, 2008 Posted November 30, 2008 After having a day to get over my initial pissed offedess... I can see that this is something we can work through. He's not a bad guy. He can however, get very caught up in himself. I've accepted having sex without a climax many times because it wasn't that big of a deal. I'm used to it. I got pissed because my immediate needs were not met this morning. I'm not sorry for how I acted because I was genuinely frustrated. And what is a relationship without genuine behavior and response. So isn't it reasonable that he may have thought you accepted the morning encounter as one without an orgasm? Should he be able to know you held different expectations in this morning's encounter than the previous ones? I don't think his behaviour is good or excusable, I just think it was the result of a pattern of behavior that exploded due to many factors that particular morning.
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