JessicaB Posted July 11, 2010 Posted July 11, 2010 I'm trying to understand, why this marriage happened at all. It obviously wasn't based on any kind of emotional compatability. Was it because she was a virgin and you felt like a 'real man' marrying a teenager at age 25?
Author Marcus Aurelius Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Vader: She texted another man on one occasion. After I accessed our cellular account, obtained his phone number and fully researched him I proceeded to discuss the repercussions of infidelity. I absolutely do not intend to leave her everything in the house. We were buying the house together. It is solely in her name so she'll will continue purchasing the house. I was just paying for it. She's had a promotion so now she can easily afford it. She is now 21 and I am 26. JessicaB: First off, I can tell by the general "tone" of your reply that you have been wronged by someone in your past and after having had such a traumatic experience proceeded to lodge your head completely up your ass like an ostrich in the dirt. I posted on here for assistance and insight from people who may have experienced similar situations and circumstances or who would be willing to LISTEN to offer guidance. Not to be bashed by man-hating bulldykes who can't carry on a conversation without letting their inherent anger toward the male sex get in the way of being capable of assisting someone with their plight. By the way, it is spelled "compatibility". Buy a dictionary or go to the Merriam-Webster website... I have a feeling it will GREATLY aid you. As for your obvious confusion, She and I used to work together and we had a great working relationship and quickly became friends. We began to get to know each other better and after a bit we went on a date and had a wonderful time. When we were dating we got along unbelievably well and were very well connected emotionally. As far as the subject of virginity goes she was a virgin as well as I was whenever she and I developed our relationship. There ARE those of us in the world who choose not to have extraordinarily loose morals (as well as anatomy). One who outwardly casts negativities in the directions of those who are seeking assistance would do well to remember that when you assume, you make an "ASS" out of "U" and "ME" (ASS\U\ME)... or in this case yourself. Thanks again everyone who attempted to give assistance and insight.
txsilkysmoothe Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Marcus, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this hurtful situation. This site can truly provide support so please read some other threads. You will find a lot of folks who have been where you are now and can tell you how they made it through, what made them feel better, mistakes to avoid, etc. Of course it's going to take some TIME. Hold your head high even when you don't feel like it.
Author Marcus Aurelius Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 Marcus, I'm sorry that you are having to go through this hurtful situation. This site can truly provide support so please read some other threads. You will find a lot of folks who have been where you are now and can tell you how they made it through, what made them feel better, mistakes to avoid, etc. Of course it's going to take some TIME. Hold your head high even when you don't feel like it. Thank you very much, Silky. I greatly appreciate your advice. I've experienced a variety of relationships before I met my wife, both good and bad. I believe that "Time heals all wounds."... then again I also believe that "Time wounds all heels" as well. I do apologize if my prior post may have served to offend anyone, save for the obvious.
JessicaB Posted July 12, 2010 Posted July 12, 2010 Sorry if I came across as harsh, obviously there are many other elements to your situation such as the way her family treats her, but really, you say she is all take and no give... and you had to explain the financial ramifications of infidelity to a married woman like you're explaining potty training to a baby. You sound like a level headed person so it surprised me you had married someone who is obviously extremely immature and are now complaining about her immaturity like this is a new discovery. Someone else had mentioned her upbringing, and you said she's the youngest and had to fight to get attention - so she was raised in an atmosphere where she learned that she has to ask, ask, ask until they pay attention, leading to resentment whenever they finally do. So she was trained not to self impose boundaries on asking for stuff, learned that what she wants will be ignored unless she is annoying or attention-getting in some other way, and to believe that whatever is finally given her way is not good enough. Your generosity unfortunately must have appeared easy to take advantage of. She probably expected you to say no to most of her requests the way her family does, and if you had said no more often, you wouldn't feel the resentment you feel now for everything you gave into.
Author Marcus Aurelius Posted July 12, 2010 Author Posted July 12, 2010 She didn't used to be the way that she is now. She acted considerably more mature, at least outwardly, whenever we first met each other while working together. After my first initial post things were good for a decent length of time. We would quibble now and again but things had gotten considerably better... but after a bit things began to gradually decline. I apologize for the inappropriate and incredibly insensitive remark, or more likely the accusation, that I made about persons who practice alternative lifestyles. Recently she developed a core group of friends who happen to fit into the aforementioned category. That was when things began to rapidly go downhill... well to the point where they are now. I was happy for her that she had found friends to spend time with and relate to. In my opinion, everyone needs a core group of friends that they can share experiences with and have as a support circle. But I digress... Shortly after developing her newfound friendships, she discovered that it would be easier for her to run away from trying to fix everything and go to her "friends"... that is until she quickly discovered that running away from the situation(s) only serves to exacerbate things and that the issues would still be there whenever she returned, inevitably accompanied by new issues. At any rate, all of my efforts have been for naught but to serve as another example for me and all those around me. Everyone is entitled to their opinion and I thank you for sharing yours with me, JessicaB. I would like to apologize directly to you for having brashly accosted you verbally. Even considering the state that my affairs are currently in, it was incredibly rude of me to behave in such a manner when you were voicing your thoughts and opinions that I obviously wanted to experience, otherwise I would not have posted a word on this forum. As the disclaimer reads at the bottom of the page following "Please Note:" She is and has been very soft spoken. I feel that can be attributed to her family talking down to her as much as they did. They don't seem to now... except for her father who is a drunken oaf and can't seem to do anything but be drunk, argumentative, verbally abusive and inordinately patronizing. She is very soft spoken to everyone but me. I have found recently that she has a tendancy to go out of her way to be my opposition. I don't really feel resentful about everything as much as I feel disappointment and a mild amount of hatred... for myself for still being so vulnerable.
spriggig Posted July 13, 2010 Posted July 13, 2010 (edited) Thread is old! My comment was for an old post in this thread and makes no sense now. Carry on Edited July 13, 2010 by spriggig
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