thehardestwalk Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I'm still fairly new to this whole relationship thing. In my previous thread I mentioned that the 2 year relationship I ended 6 weeks ago was my first of any kind. I've been reading threads about the aftermath of a breakup, strategies, no contact, etc. and it got me thinking. I broke up with this girl and within a couple of weeks I realized I wanted her back and I initiated contact to that effect. At this point she told me she was kinda dating/sleeping with somebody else. She didn't want the engagement ring I bought her. Following this I poured my heart out to her twice, hoping she'd come to her senses. I didn't beg. Didn't say "I'll change" or that I'd do anything. It was just raw emotion. Didn't work. I kinda told her off at this point and said that she'd changed into something ugly. Her lifestyle during this period has been primarily alcohol consumption and now casual sex. Approximately 2 weeks of NC followed. Then I texted her that I didn't want to leave it that way, let's be friends. She bit. She went on to ask "Do you believe you made a mistake in breaking up with me?" We began chatting again at work in a friendly, playful manner. The chemistry was there, the little compliments, etc. I came off as cool and confident. She was impressed with the things I was doing with myself, like going back to college. We went on a friendly date in which we both had a great time. Then I asked her if I could "kiss her goodnight." Her reply: "I don't want to do that. I'll see you tomorrow." The next day she says "I see you as more of a friend." I remained cool and said "OK, that's fine with me." But added, "I'd be willing to give it a shot again and just start again slowly." No dice. After this she would continue texting me out of the blue, asking about my day, about what I've been up to. She seemed happy when I'd see her. It was nice being around her again. She even came to a party I invited her too. Again, I tried to kiss her and was rebuffed. I took it in stride. She wound up drinking too much that night and had drunken regrettable sex with a dude from the party. Which she admitted to me tearfully. I was rocked by this, and I showed it. I didn't scream or humiliate her. I just said that I was hurt to see her doing this to herself. That she's better than this. And that I felt like we had a chance but this behavior is jeopardizing it. I positioned myself as two things. As someone who will be there as a friend to support her because she is obviously in pain and acting out. But also as someone who loves her deeply and believes he can make her happy again. I said that no matter what I want to see her happy, whatever her decision is. But based on the times we shared, and how strongly I feel, that I hope it's me. I admitted that I'm not really interested in dating anyone else right now. This was the final hourlong expression of my feelings towards her. I plan to utilize NC from now on except for saying "hello" when I see her at work. So, did I have her up until the fallout from her little indiscretion? Should I have shrugged it off and not let her know that it upset me? Should I not have not tried one last time to convince her to take me back? I feel I may have made a tactical error this last time, because things were going well up until this point. I just couldn't ignore what she did. She pushed me away that night and wound up being some jerk's one night stand. The girl I knew and loved was a moral, dignified young woman. It just blew my mind. Or maybe I'm just analyzing too heavily here and need to chill out...
UnamedSeven Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I said that no matter what I want to see her happy, whatever her decision is. Don't do it. I'm telling you this, right now. I made, the girl who i thought i loved to my dying breath, the best person she could ever be because i got her to go out with my best friend. Whom, she liked a lot, and not me. Today was her birthday, and after school, i saw my best friend put her Birthday present in her locker and wait until she got there to open it. I cant say enough that getting her and him together, destroyed me physically and mentally ever since June (when i got them together). I'm denying the fact that the girl i love, exists. and i'm pushing my best friend out of the picture. They gave me so much pain and its all because of what i did by getting them together
BCCA Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 She pushed me away that night and wound up being some jerk's one night stand I wish I could make this suck any less, but I cant. Dude, she did that on purpose. The only thing she regrets is having to live with her decision, and knowing that youre probably not going to be interested in this semi-freindship at all anymore. She felt sorry for herself, not you. She probably knew full well the entire time that sooner or later, the gig was going to be up. If she wanted to get back together, she would have said so or acted accodingly. I think you were her convenient means of attention. You're also being kind of counterproductive by being there for her when your needs/wants arent being met. What kind of message does that send? Give an inch, people take a mile. Are you really ok with being friends and being turned away when you try and kiss her? No, you arent. Now, its ok to take it in stride at the time, but if I wanted to get back with an ex and she was pushing me away, and telling me how shes going out, etc...I would take that as it was my time to hit the road and find something else. By sticking around, and even worse - trying to be supportive during these times, youve told her that its cool with you and youll still be there for her even if she treats you like crap. NC, and dont look back.
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