Dexter Morgan Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 of course she'd love it if you found someone else. It justifies and rationalizes her actions...it makes it all "ok".. exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She isn't wanting him to find someone because she cares about him. She wants him to find someone because she gets a guilt free pass to spread 'em for more men.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Kudos to your wife for being open enough to talk to you first about her needs and not seeking an A behind your back; however, that type of lifestyle has to be mutually agreed upon. It sounds more one sided to me. A marriage is work; if the intimacy is lacking between the two of you, then why did she not suggest spicing things up between you two? Because she isn't interested in more sex with her husband. She is interested in sex with different men:confused:
Author ChemLabRat Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 She is very much so interested in have sex with her husband me.... currently its more of an attention seeking thing. my worry is that is will become more... and I understand that its not healthy but 1) I will not do anything over the holiday b/c christmas just means too much to me and I want it to be a happy time. I was reading some of the other post and found some great advise that I kinda knew but reading and understanding it motivated that much more. I think its time to look inward reinvent myself, not so that she notices me more but that I notices me more.
Owl Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I'm not sure how any of this relates to telling your wife that you're not willing to let her cheat on you? At the end of the day, there's the "line in the sand" that you need to START with. Where are you with that?
Mr. Lucky Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 My wife has not slept with any other man besides the one. She has kissed a few but said it was only friendly kisses ?? That you would believe this - regardless of emails - shows how deeply in denial you are. I respect your commitment to marriage, but there doesn't seem to be much of the structure of that institution left between you two. Look at it this way - a year from now, you'll be separated and on the road to divorce. Either you'll get fed up and leave or she'll have found what she thinks she wants. Why not be dictating the terms for the benefit of your kids and yourself? Mr. Lucky
Bryanp Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I agree that you need to look inward about yourself. Your wife has slept with another man and put your health at risk for STD's. Yes your wife is having more sex with you but at the same time she has a boyfriend on the side and tells you she likes the attention. She tells you she would love if you also found yourself a girlfriend. What is wrong with this picture? Can't you see how toxic this is for your self-esteem, manhood and your own personal values. Your wife is allowed to be married to you and also engage in a single lifestyle having a boyfriend on the side. No matter how you wish to rationalize it, she is disrespecting and humiliating you in the worst possible way. She does this also because you allow her to do this. No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. I would make a bet if you told her after Xmas that you have had enough of her disrespectful behavior toward you and you are seeing a lawyer to dissolve this farce of a marriage; she would drop the boyfriend in a heartbeat. If she did not then you have lost nothing since it is a marriage in name only. I wish you luck because this is what you will need if you allow this intolerable situation to continue without consequences.
Dexter Morgan Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 My wife has not slept with any other man besides the one. She has kissed a few but said it was only friendly kisses ?? She likes the new attention that she gets from this "friend" she has and they email and chat all the time, they work together so most of it is worked realated but the other half is quite spicy. I just am afriad she has choosen a life path that is the wrong way. Wrong. You chose a life path that is the wrong way. You opened this door, she just walked through it.
julkat Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 I've been in an open relationship before and this is how it worked - we both participated, enthusiastically, and always together. Never, never alone, because it was about the both of us, hence the word relationship. Your situation is completely screwed up. You are not consenting, you are laying down. Do not let her demean you. You are worth more than this. Your marriage is worth two people making the same committed effort. Your children want a happy father. I can guarantee you that they know you're not happy and will believe that this is somehow their fault, because this is what children do. Your greatest gift to them is to bring peace and clarity to your life, and thus to theirs. Tell her you love her and want to be married to her. Ask her to quit her extra-curriculars immediately, surrender her phone and email passwords to you, and account for her whereabouts until you can build trust again. Ask her to commit to your marriage. If she even blinks twice about it, ask her to leave while she pursues other relationships. Keep the children with you. Get a great lawyer. Document everything. You owe this to your children. We can really f*&k them up with good intentions. Good luck to you.
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