How to deal during the holidays

[jmmm]

although i have been taking most opportunities to go out, spend time with friends, work out etc...i still find myself very sad..still think about what i would normally be doing with him on a specific day or think about what he is probably doing right now, going on with his daily activities.

 

how do you deal during the holidays when pretty much most close friends have boyfriends and you get this tiny feeling of sadness thinking you would normally stop over or definitely speak to one another, thinking about him with his family having dinner...apart of me doesn't really want to be bothered with decorations etc..and i usually help my family do it and know i still have to but don't really have my heart into..just feel sad and this empty alone feeling because i don't see my friends very often.

 

i think NYE will be the hardest from me whether i have plans to be out with friends or if i am alone..because i will wonder is it at home with family or did he go out and has no girl to kiss at midnight and won't even be thinking about me anymore....

 

the past 3 years i have spent NYE with him

[northstar1]

although i have been taking most opportunities to go out, spend time with friends, work out etc...i still find myself very sad..still think about what i would normally be doing with him on a specific day or think about what he is probably doing right now, going on with his daily activities.

 

how do you deal during the holidays when pretty much most close friends have boyfriends and you get this tiny feeling of sadness thinking you would normally stop over or definitely speak to one another, thinking about him with his family having dinner...apart of me doesn't really want to be bothered with decorations etc..and i usually help my family do it and know i still have to but don't really have my heart into..just feel sad and this empty alone feeling because i don't see my friends very often.

 

i think NYE will be the hardest from me whether i have plans to be out with friends or if i am alone..because i will wonder is it at home with family or did he go out and has no girl to kiss at midnight and won't even be thinking about me anymore....

 

the past 3 years i have spent NYE with him

 

It's definitely a hard time of year to cope, when you think about past holidays. I would advise to spend as much time with friends/family. Even if it's just a dinner, or a drink. Why not break up the routine of the holidays entirely and go away? Could you perhaps go somewhere warm for a week? That way you aren't dwelling on what are aren't doing.

Or a weekend away at a spa or skiing or that?

[jmmm]

there is noone really to go away with...i would definitely want to do that and i have tried to talk about it with different friends but something comes up with them or we can't set a date for different reasons etc

 

this may sound weird..but sometimes being around family or friends...it still just makes me sad even slightly angry..not at them..but its just how i feel...because i still know in the back of my mind if i was with him, i would be doing this and this with him right now etc...you know what i mean? so it actually doesn't always help being around friends and family..nothing seems to help right now

 

i dont want to do christmas shopping..i would normally do that with him..

 

i just feel very alone and at the same time..sometimes when i am even with people, it makes things worse...not all the time but sometimes

 

i went out with my 2 girlfriends on a friday night...saw guys i would never be interested in..they were acting like idiots, just different reasons u know--even if i never met my ex and didn't feel that pain i just knew the guys i saw that night or interacted with, i wouldn't want to be around much at all...and that made me feel bad at the end of the night because i realized i would have much rather been watching a movie with him at home than at a bar dancing and drinking and being in an atmosphere where you can't hear yourself think..i found those places more fun when i had a boyfriend..because i guess i didn't care so much about how i looked at all really if i went out..if i am single...i do want to look attractive for the just in case factor of meeting a guy

[northstar1]

there is noone really to go away with...i would definitely want to do that and i have tried to talk about it with different friends but something comes up with them or we can't set a date for different reasons etc

 

this may sound weird..but sometimes being around family or friends...it still just makes me sad even slightly angry..not at them..but its just how i feel...because i still know in the back of my mind if i was with him, i would be doing this and this with him right now etc...you know what i mean? so it actually doesn't always help being around friends and family..nothing seems to help right now

 

i dont want to do christmas shopping..i would normally do that with him..

 

i just feel very alone and at the same time..sometimes when i am even with people, it makes things worse...not all the time but sometimes

 

i went out with my 2 girlfriends on a friday night...saw guys i would never be interested in..they were acting like idiots, just different reasons u know--even if i never met my ex and didn't feel that pain i just knew the guys i saw that night or interacted with, i wouldn't want to be around much at all...and that made me feel bad at the end of the night because i realized i would have much rather been watching a movie with him at home than at a bar dancing and drinking and being in an atmosphere where you can't hear yourself think..i found those places more fun when i had a boyfriend..because i guess i didn't care so much about how i looked at all really if i went out..if i am single...i do want to look attractive for the just in case factor of meeting a guy

 

I do know what you mean. Right now you are in a space, where you are thinking of your ex in every situation, whether you are alone or with friends. It happens to all of us. But over time, it will get slowly easier. You'll find yourself going a few hours without thinking of him, or truly enjoying just being out with friends, and laughing.

 

I'm not saying the holidays will be easy, because I know even for myself, it won't be, but just surround youself with family and friends. If you can possibly get away, even for a weekend, do it. Or a quick roadtrip. Anything to break up the environment that will trigger memories.

[9Lives]

You know what....do WHATEVER makes you feel good for those days. Do not worry about anyone but you. It is really important that you guard and protect your emotions and mental well being right now. I would if I was you. It is too hard to act happy and deal with all the other stuff too.

[jmmm]

i'm trying...i have been trying to be productive..trying to fix up my parents place a little but even during that i am sad

 

i replay all the good things about him at times but then also the bad...the things he said/did or didn't do and that no matter how subtle it was, it showed alot...and i kind of took all the blame for the break up so i wonder if he even thinks he did anything wrong in the relationship

[MalachiX]

I havn't had my real crisis yet since my EX and I would still try to be with our family on the official holidy for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

 

My crisis is going to come on New Years. New Years Eve was the holiday just for us. For three years since we started dating to when we broke up, New Years was ours and ours alone. That's kind of gonna be tough. I have a feeling it's going to be especially sucky when the bell tolls midnight and I start running around like I'm on a bad sit-com saying, "I have no one to kiss. Somebody please kiss me! I'm so alone."

 

I'm thinking I may spend New Years with friends instead of family. That way, they can at least enjoy the hilarity of my break-down instead of just feeling sorry for me.

[EmperorR]

i spent thanksgiving up here (in canada) in october alone eating a tv dinner angry at her

[Geishawhelk]

"Every minute you spend angry is 60 seconds wasted, during which, you could have been enjoying yourself."

[alwayssme]

For the past 2 years I have spent the holidays with him. I couldn't have been happier. But he threw all that away. How to deal? I have no idea, I know I'm going to be sad, mostly because I know he won't be thinking of me. I always spent them with him and his family, the kiss at night and just everything. I don't even want to think about it anymore. If I cry during the holidays then so be it but hopefully I'll be able to stay strong...hugs!

[alwayssme]

jmmm.. i know how you feel trust me. It sucks, it's this emptiness, this void, at times you feel good then BAM reality hits he's gone. two years just thrown away. It's hard losing the one you love but when you were used to seeing them every day and night...that makes it even harder. In my situation I got no satisfaction out of it just pain on top of pain. Now I have no idea if he's even talking to another girl. I never got any answers and I don't know if I ever will. He hurt me good!

[EmperorR]

Christmas will suck I'm not even putting up my tree so sad

[openbook08]

hate the thoughts of it

5years of Christmasses...actually itll be 6years in Dec. since the very first time we met, the very first time we kissed.

and hes got his new girlf to share it with..timed that well. the words "it was a mistake i want you back youre the one" were barely out of his mouth & hes with her

i dont even fancy anyone. i guess im not ready.

:lmao::lmao: is how i feel.

[alwayssme]

I heard my ex boyfriend has been talking to his ex girlfriend which was his friend or whatever for awhile. Now they're both single. He has been hanging out with her alot and talking to her alot. They even hung out on OUR ANNIVERSARY!!! me and her never liked each other mostly because she would act immature. I really have no idea what my ex ever saw in her but maybe I just never got to know the "good" side of her.

 

 

Now I'm afraid that something is going on between them. I know everybody would say "let it go" but although I try, sometimes I think I'd rather know the truth then just "wonder". It hurts me so much and for some reason it makes me feel humiliated. His ex? The girl he liked before we got together? How do I deal with the situation if this is true? I know I won't show any emotions but it would just tear me up inside. It hurts to see how much he changed, left me out of nowhere and never got hurt at all. I suffered and cried alone, he didn't give a damn about what this did to me. I'm so sick of tlaking about this because it doesn't change anything. I guess I just wanna vent. I have had a busy day today and tomorrow I'm invited to a thanksgiving dinner with friends so I might so so I don't be depressed at home. Sucks I have to "cope" and deal witht his BS while he's out there liking and making out with his ex probably. Life can be so unfair....

[Surfer Dude]

I heard my ex boyfriend has been talking to his ex girlfriend which was his friend or whatever for awhile. Now they're both single. He has been hanging out with her alot and talking to her alot. They even hung out on OUR ANNIVERSARY!!! me and her never liked each other mostly because she would act immature. I really have no idea what my ex ever saw in her but maybe I just never got to know the "good" side of her.

 

 

Now I'm afraid that something is going on between them. I know everybody would say "let it go" but although I try, sometimes I think I'd rather know the truth then just "wonder". It hurts me so much and for some reason it makes me feel humiliated. His ex? The girl he liked before we got together? How do I deal with the situation if this is true? I know I won't show any emotions but it would just tear me up inside. It hurts to see how much he changed, left me out of nowhere and never got hurt at all. I suffered and cried alone, he didn't give a damn about what this did to me. I'm so sick of tlaking about this because it doesn't change anything. I guess I just wanna vent. I have had a busy day today and tomorrow I'm invited to a thanksgiving dinner with friends so I might so so I don't be depressed at home. Sucks I have to "cope" and deal witht his BS while he's out there liking and making out with his ex probably. Life can be so unfair....

 

Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I was cheated and dumped by my fiance at the time when I loved her the most and when things were just perfect.

 

I had to deal with this "her-dating-someone-else" crap from the very beginning, plus she would intentionally tell me about every sex adventure or temporary boyfriend she got. Imagine that kind of pain. Every thing she had ever done with me in bed, she was doing with someone else and I had to know about it. Sucks doesn't it.

 

I once prohibited her from talking and flirting with some chump she met online and she stoped communicating with him. Guess what, after breakup she told me "he is so perfect". I can't really appreciate any good moments spent with her, I just hate her too much.

[alwayssme]

Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I was cheated and dumped by my fiance at the time when I loved her the most and when things were just perfect.

 

I had to deal with this "her-dating-someone-else" crap from the very beginning, plus she would intentionally tell me about every sex adventure or temporary boyfriend she got. Imagine that kind of pain. Every thing she had ever done with me in bed, she was doing with someone else and I had to know about it. Sucks doesn't it.

 

I once prohibited her from talking and flirting with some chump she met online and she stoped communicating with him. Guess what, after breakup she told me "he is so perfect". I can't really appreciate any good moments spent with her, I just hate her too much.

 

 

wow i am so sorry to hear that. People really need to think about others feelings. Sometimes it doesnt even matter if they mean to hurt us or not because in the end it all hurts just the same. I hope you're staying strong! Hugs!!

[EmperorR]

Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I was cheated and dumped by my fiance at the time when I loved her the most and when things were just perfect.

 

I had to deal with this "her-dating-someone-else" crap from the very beginning, plus she would intentionally tell me about every sex adventure or temporary boyfriend she got. Imagine that kind of pain. Every thing she had ever done with me in bed, she was doing with someone else and I had to know about it. Sucks doesn't it.

 

I once prohibited her from talking and flirting with some chump she met online and she stoped communicating with him. Guess what, after breakup she told me "he is so perfect". I can't really appreciate any good moments spent with her, I just hate her too much.

 

I could add on, my ex did the same to me, she cheated on me and told me everything about the guy she cheated onme with, how much times they did it what positions everything, and how she even still texts him, and how he was so sweet because he bought her flowers , and then the first guy she met when shewent back to school she had butterflies fro them and now then dating, and to even rub it in my face more, she didnt contact me for like 45 days and on what would hae been our 3rd year anniversary she sends me a text like its important and i check facebook and all i see is their mmushy pics together.

 

People who cheat are piece of scum and its the most greedy selfish act you can do to someone

[alwayssme]

I could add on, my ex did the same to me, she cheated on me and told me everything about the guy she cheated onme with, how much times they did it what positions everything, and how she even still texts him, and how he was so sweet because he bought her flowers , and then the first guy she met when shewent back to school she had butterflies fro them and now then dating, and to even rub it in my face more, she didnt contact me for like 45 days and on what would hae been our 3rd year anniversary she sends me a text like its important and i check facebook and all i see is their mmushy pics together.

 

People who cheat are piece of scum and its the most greedy selfish act you can do to someone

 

thats crazy!! how can people even be like that and not even feel any remorse..i understand mistakes we all make them...i have too but at least i have apologized & learned from them. wow. there are some really cold, cruel people out there

[jmmm]

its very hard thinking about him going on with his life..and during these holidays he is probably fine without me, not even looking back....

[alwayssme]

its very hard thinking about him going on with his life..and during these holidays he is probably fine without me, not even looking back....

 

 

jmmm...i dont know how much of comfort this is to you but whenever you're feeling down and depressed, just remember that you are not alone in this.

[jmmm]

thank you...i'm trying...i also try to remember that during the relationship explaining certain things to my friends about what he said or did and although some of its subtle..they said they wouldn't tolerate it..

 

but its hard...i still just blame myself

[jmmm]

...........

[TeaAbraham]

Ugh. It sickens me so much to think of my ex at her ex's (I guess he isn't her ex anymore) place for thanksgiving. Disgusting. Shameless Shameless. Just need to think about number one, eh?

 

It's great that you see your faults and your own short-comings, because that's the only thing you can do anything about. & regardless of whether he is still in your life, you can still be a better person.

 

But don't kid yourself, there's no way in hell it was all your fault. A relationship isn't you giving him everything he wants, and you getting squat. And if he can't even tell you why he felt like he was drifting away, he really isn't doing his share to make things work.

 

Anyway, the holidays are tough for everyone in this position. Just try not to think about him. I know it's hard to impossible, but does he really deserve your time if he wasn't even willing to make an effort?

 

I know when I think about how happy my ex is right now while I am here all alone it just makes me feel worse and does me no good. She's not going to make me feel this rotten after all that she's done to me. She's really not worth it. I may be alone, but I know I am the better man.