LovieDove24 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I am going to emotionally vomit right now. I don't feel crazy angry or crazy sad...just very exhausted and I need to get this off my chest. A little background: the ex and I had a daughter together. We only dated for 4 months prior to our little (wonderful!) acccident so we had next to no foundation to work off of after he broke up with me. Since our daughter has been born we have tried varying levels of Contact. The first three months we spent just about every waking hour together taking care of her. This really messed with my head because I wanted so badly for him to just say "Lets just BE together..." but it wasnt happening. THEN, I told him we had to start splitting time with her because it was getting to be too much. THEN, I told him we had to do pick ups and drop offs at daycare because I just didnt even want to see him. And all this time I kept pushing him away both he and his family kept inviting me to things. Thanksgiving, plays, dinners, all sorts of family events. I couldnt bare to go because it just hurt too much so I always said no. Tonight all my pushing him away has finally come to a head. We had a HUGE blowout. He said he just wants our daughter to have some normalcy and have two parents in the picture at least SOMEtimes. The more I write right now the more I hurt. I have pushed him so far he said he has an emotional void where him caring about me as a parent used to be. I am bawling my eyes out now. I know I said I wasnt terribly upset when I started this post. I don't know if all my pushing was a good thing. He deserted me when I was 3 months pregnant and I think deep down I didnt want to let him near to hurt me again. Please help! Do you think its best we dont see each other at all?! I always doubt myself when it comes to cutting things off completely..... :lmao:
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Breathe deep and calm down. The baby is five months old. She won't know if you are there or not. Did you ever speak to his mother to explain to her why it would be too difficult to do Thanksgiving this year? You are feeling guilty for no reason in my opinion. You have a right to feel however you want to feel. This guy sounds like such a little baby right now. It's all about what he wants, when he wants it, and if you don't jump through hoops for him he makes you feel bad for not going along. Now you are starting to question yourself for pushing him away?? Stop right there. He pushed first and you are reacting in a way that protects you from further hurt because you know he is capable of hurting you. I have read some of the things you have written and for what it's worth you always sound grounded and sensible. You are handling things very well. It's not an easy situaton you are in and I admire your strength. So what's going on for Thursday?
Author LovieDove24 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Well after this conversation Thursday is null and void. So is any other potential offers on his part. The conversation started off with a whole lotta ugliness and a whole lotta finger pointing. We have been a pot waiting to boil over for some time now. Like I said before, throwing a kid into the mix with no foundation is very tricky. Then he just put an end to it by saying "Fine I'll stop pushing for our daughter to have a parental 'unit' we'll just stay broken, I'm done trying." Do you see by his wording how I could feel guilty over this? I really do appreciate your kind words AmaysnGrace. It is not going unnoticed.
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Then he just put an end to it by saying "Fine I'll stop pushing for our daughter to have a parental 'unit' we'll just stay broken, I'm done trying." Do you see by his wording how I could feel guilty over this? No I really don't see that because I don't think he tried very hard. Do you think he tried very hard?
Author LovieDove24 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Yes and No. Yes because he really has put MANY offers out there for us to do things together. Even when I have given him a whole hell of a lotta resistance. He has said he wants us to be friends. No because he broke up with me when he found out I was pregnant and never looked back or reconsidered. Personally I find this to be the biggest disrupter of our "unit" if there ever was one. I know to an outsider it may seem that I'm harboring bitterness by not just being his friend. I really wish it were as simple to be that...it certainly seems to be for him. But I'm not there yet...
Recommended Posts