IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 May I ask how old your children are?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Is the pain he is causing you more difficult than the pain they will endure? May I also ask how your first marriage ended?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 You must really love this man to be this completely devistated. Have you spoken to him about your feelings?
Author waiting Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 my first marriage ended because he cheated....from the honeymoon, to the end, yet now i find myself here. And yes, I do love this person that much. But i really cant keep doing this to myself every night. Im living in hell.
OWoman Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 No. Im saying I am going to. i cant take this pain anymore. And no, here is the only place i have talked about it. But that makes no difference. I have made my decision. But thanks. Waiting you are not in a good place and this is a not a good time of year for that. I think you need to speak to someone IRL - a close friend, or a professional - and tell them how you're feeling. It sounds as if you're keeping all of your hurt inside yourself. It sounds as if your only meaningful connection at present is this MM who cannot give you what you want or need. (((hugs)))
CAMAYPARK Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Waiting, have a word with MM, lay down all your cards, negiotable ones and all the non-negiotable ones. And then, if he's still giving you the roundaround, walk away. No matter how much you love him, he's not worth your love. (((hugs))) Give yourself some time to talk it over and heal. Someone right just for you will come around.
frannie Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 my first marriage ended because he cheated....from the honeymoon, to the end, yet now i find myself here. And yes, I do love this person that much. But i really cant keep doing this to myself every night. Im living in hell. Hello waiting, I don't know where you are in the world, but is there a telephone service you can call like the Samaritans or a suicide watch? Do you have anyone you can talk to?
wildsoul Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Waiting, please don't let these feelings of despair take over. I understand first hand how overwhelming the pain can be. But the way you feel and all the problems you're having can be fixed. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You're hitting bottom right now. It's the moment when you can actually turn yourself around. You're not the first person to feel this way. You're not messed up beyond repair. If you're willing to surrender your life because you don't know what else to do, then please surrender your will to another person who DOES know what to do and can help you. Please get an in-person therapist who can counsel you through this and prescribe short-term anti-depressants if you need them.
smile711 Posted December 11, 2008 Posted December 11, 2008 Waiting, please don't do anything to yourself! I have been in your shoes and I understand how it feels-like it will never get any better. BUT I PROMISE IT WILL! When I was ready to end things (many of us have made it to that point when we are filled with hurt and despair), my best friend called me, screaming and crying and in so much pain. She asked what she was supposed to tell my mom...my friends...my siblings...my niece and nephews-that their loved one "ended" their pain only to cause a lifetime of pain for others? Hearing the pain and hurt in my best friend's voice just at the THOUGHT of me doing something to myself made it impossible for me to imagine the hurt I would cause by actually doing something. A good friend's mom killed herself when we were 13. My friend was raised by an aunt and uncle she loves dearly and she is smart and successful...but not a day goes by that her mother's choice doesn't haunt her. She feels like she was not important enough for her mother to stick around. Waiting, you DO NOT want to leave that legacy for your children! Go to a counselor...or go to the hospital right now and get help. This is the darkest it will ever be and it's only toward brighter days for you starting with that first step! ((((HUGS)))) and prayers for you!
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