rluv Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Hello - This is rluv - I am in need of objective opinions about my boyfriend. We are in the midst of our first real, true crisis to test our relationship, to test/stretch its fabric. I was at his house last night, it was late when he got a call from his brother to tell him that his dad had died. I am glad I was there for him last night. He is flying out to CA tomorrow morning, but he didn't mention anything about seeing me tonight to say goodbye before he left for a week. We have been dating exclusively for 7 months now. The number one priority I have is that he be with his family/siblings now; it's what he needs for Thanksgiving, especially. I will be there for him, no question. I just feel a lot of confusing feelings, guilt for feeling these anxious things during his time of need. When he called his kids' mother to tell her, he called her by her short name, i.e., Chelle, instead of Michelle, like a pet name. I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm wondering if our relationship is one of substance? We have hung out together these past several months, done stuff, talked everyday, even broke up once, does he take me seriously, or am I the girlfriend he hangs out with? Will he want to lean on me for support? I hope so. Again, I am suffering from huge amounts of guilt from having these feelings after his loss.
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I think it's only natural to question your place in his life right now. He may have called his son's mom because the man who died is the child's grandfather. He may not have reached out to her if there were no child involved but there is. I wouldn't read too much into that. As far as the funeral I wouldn't expect to be asked to join someone to their father's funeral if I were seeing him for just seven months. Have you ever even met his father? This is not the time or the place to have introductions. Just assure him that you are there for him no matter what. Maybe go and see him before he leaves for CA if you want to. Maybe just to give him a hug. Any thought by you will be appreciated. But don't count on him remembering. He's probably in a blur right now.
Author rluv Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Thanks for the insight. I realistically didn't expect to attend the funeral with him, but we have become very tight within these 7 months, discussing serious things. I know he's in a blur. Part of me is aching for him. You are absolutely right, I am questioning my place in his life. I feel like I don't have a right to during this time. Bottom-line, I am wondering if I am on the recreation-level place in his life, someone to do things, to spend time with. He says he loves me, but he called me to make sure I could look after his cat while he's gone. I am happy to help him. Something feels...? But at the end of the day, I want nothing more than for him to get the love and support from his family during this time. Any other issues re: us will have to wait. I love him very much, because he is a good man, has been patient with me. Maybe I should be patient with him.
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I love him very much, because he is a good man, has been patient with me. Maybe I should be patient with him. Yes patience and understanding is what he needs most from you right now. It's nice he asked you to look after his cat. He trusts you.
Author rluv Posted December 1, 2008 Author Posted December 1, 2008 I'm glad he trusts me - he would also probably trust one of his neighbors to do the same thing. I plan to talk to him after he gets back (tomorrow) and explain to him my feelings of comfort and reassurance that his family were all with him out there during this time of loss, shock and pain. I was really grateful for that. However, if he has felt for a while that he does not reciprocate the same feelings of love, and would feel better with a break, break-up, if this is too much in his life right now, I will (try to) understand. He has called a few times while he has been gone, sounding a little distant. He does not sound like he misses and/or needs me. The last time I talked to him, he said he would call me back this evening, and he did not. Again, I feel extremely selfish going through these feelings, but it is gut-wrenching to be there for him, which I will out of love, but knowing we may be parting very soon. It hurts very, very much. I will pray for strength for him, send my love to him, no matter what happens. Thanks for reading.
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