fran82 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 im at my wits end why did he text me (breaking my nc) yet he wont reply when i reply to his question? is he just trying to keep tabs? i'd been building up the days worth of nc, tryin to get my head down to making my day to day life more sufferable, working in a bank during a recession really isn't fun! so i've been making plans, looking for more courses etc, then out of the blue a txt questioning a txt conversation we'd had a while ago??? i answered his questions.......asked how he was doing, politely, but then nothing. not even the common courtesy of a "fine thanks"...............? i dont get him?!!?!?! we've been fairly civil since we split why do i even care? this guy really makes me want to tear my hair out, he's got this incessant emotional grip over me! ........help! how do i fix this? fran
ConfusedAtHome Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Try to start over with the NC and not break it next time. Hell, what am I talking about? I'm struggling with the same thing too!
GodofNietzsche Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Hey Sorry to hear about this. My ex did the same thing to me, after we had a bad fall out. Is your ex very self-indulgent? He might just want to make sure that you don't have any bad feelings toward him. After I got a message asking me how I am doing, I responded, and asked how she was doing. I got no response. A couple months down the line, I sent a message saying that I hope things are going well (and she gave me a response with no content). He is just #ucking with you. It's an ego boost.
9Lives Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 i would change my phone number. That would piss me off so damm bad. i would want to scream... I would be furious if I wasnt over him
Author fran82 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 thanks guys! i think you're all right, he must enjoy p%ssing me off! or get some sort of selfish satisfaction out of it?! i guess i'll never really understand, but i guess it wouldn't do me any good to find out either! to answer your question, he's extremely selfish, its the whole reason we split. nothing more why is it that i always seem to be drawn to the same type of guy? my first bf was exactly the same, i just didn't realize until the split with the second! am i sending out a signal to these seemingly nice guys who secretly love no one but themselves? "am a mug! i'll love u" ??? i just want to be happy, find a man love loves me, maybe get married have a few kids, keep searching for the perfect job! everyone else seems to manage this? where am i going wrong? ex's can be so cruel..... and they probably dont even know it! im definitely starting over with the nc, its the only sane way to go! it really help having you guys to talk to, makes it all feel a bit more possible!
GodofNietzsche Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 i just want to be happy, find a man love loves me, maybe get married have a few kids, keep searching for the perfect job! everyone else seems to manage this? where am i going wrong? I should be the last one to say this, but you need to find happiness within yourself. After that, everything else will fall in line, and you won't be so hard on yourself when things don't work out. Unfortunately, love isn't a math problem. Sometimes, nothing you could have done will change anything. Also, when someone falls out of love with you, they really don't care about you anymore. Nothing you can do or say will effect them.
Author fran82 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 thanks god, i know you're right, i just dont know how to? ive tried and tried, and i dont really feel much happier. im not the sort of person that "needs" to be in a r/ship, im extremely independant(but not fiercly) i do really enjoy being in a rship. i dont understand why i cant seem to manage both? since we split i learnt how to drive and passed my test with 3 months, bought a car, put up 6 shelves without anyones help (tehe, so proud of that) progressed in my job. and im planning on taking a couple more course once new year comes around. im trying hard to get on with satisfying myself, but nothing seems to work? have you ever had that? i mean i was actually disappointed when i passed my driving test, and i cant really explain y, how weird is that? have you got any tips?
GodofNietzsche Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 thanks god, i know you're right, i just dont know how to? ive tried and tried, and i dont really feel much happier. im not the sort of person that "needs" to be in a r/ship, im extremely independant(but not fiercly) i do really enjoy being in a rship. i dont understand why i cant seem to manage both? since we split i learnt how to drive and passed my test with 3 months, bought a car, put up 6 shelves without anyones help (tehe, so proud of that) progressed in my job. and im planning on taking a couple more course once new year comes around. im trying hard to get on with satisfying myself, but nothing seems to work? have you ever had that? i mean i was actually disappointed when i passed my driving test, and i cant really explain y, how weird is that? have you got any tips? All I can think of right now is that your mindset is working against you. You are thinking about what you are lacking instead of what you have. Unfortunately, changing your way of thinking is one of the hardest things you can do. Sorry to be so negative, but it's true. For example. I dated one of the hottest girls at my college and she fell madly in love with me. We broke up when I went abroad for a year (her idea), but after I went away, she clung to me for 5 months. then, she told me it was too hard for her, and that she needed to get over me. It took her about another 2-3 months afterwards to do so. After I left she started pulling away, but it took about 8 months for her to get over me. Realistically speaking, that's a long time to get over someone. I look at as a failure, when so many people tell me I should look at positively. I dated one of the hottest girls at my school. She fell in love with me. She had a hard time getting over me when I was half way around the world. It was the situation, not me. But for some reason, I believe I could have done something when I couldn't have. I can't control her or her feelings. I tried my best, and that;s all I can do. I guess I'm trying to say don't be too hard on yourself. When it's right, it will work.
motive2002 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Out of pure speculation, I think the ex is just chiming in to see if you're still breathing. It's some kind of ego thing peppered with a little self-justification.. I dunno.. who knows why exes do they things they do, when they should just stay the hell away?!
Author fran82 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 hey motive who knows why exes do they things they do, when they should just stay the hell away?! i love it, this is going to be my new ethos, im gonna stay the hell away even if he wont! a new nc promise, lets hope it lasts! God, i do see what your saying, i know its all about my mind set, but i physically dont know how to change it, trust me im trying, i think its driven by my ultimate fear, which is becoming a old aged spinster who never found her love, and instead gave all she could to her cats! u know! thats damn scary(for me)!................... okay, i know its sounds silly, but its a real fear. i know you're saying to just try my best, but im at a loss as what to do next? there is a serious risk of me turning into this spinster, my closest friend is getting married, my closest cousins just got married, my eldest sister just had another baby, my other sister is the spinster (minus the cats)i fear ill become! i dont have a lot of opportunities. the life im in doesn;t lend itself much to meeting new people anymore. how do i become the positive me i once was? how can i be happy without having the things that makes me happy? (as im typing this i know it sounds so stupid, im only 26 - but i just dont know how?) how have you succeeded? can you share? why do exes have to peek their nasty little heads in and ruin everything? everytime i think im getting on with it, he brings me crashing down!
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