meowmmy Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Hi everyone, Let me tell you a bit about my situation. In February of 1997, I met my now husband. I had just turned 20 and he just turned 24. First time relationships for us. By December I was pregnant with my first - planned by both of us. We bought a house together, he worked and I was a SAHM. At age 23, we had our second child, also planned. Throughout these years I was left at home with my one daughter (oldest) then both of them as he came and gone as he pleased (drinking, partying until the wee hours). We married in 2002 and even then, he still did what he wanted. I was lonely and looking for "love" and started rescuing persians and himalayans. 3 years ago he finally stopping going out as much, stopped golfing and fishing but continued to play hockey. He always watched tv down stairs and I watched tv upstairs, the odd show we would watch together and tried for one movie a month together. We did very little together. We did go on trips (the 4 of us always) once or twice a year and our sex life was ok.. Last year his company shut down. He found another job (that he didnt want), then found another that paid better. The guy was an ass so my DH was stressed to the max and quit. He was home for 2 months and found an excellent job in Alberta (AMAZING pay) but was iffy because of the work schedule (I wouldnt move there because of the kids). Another job came up an hour and a half from here so DH turned down the one in Alberta. He starts his new job and finds out that he will be laid off in the new year after training. He calls Alberta back and they say sorry, too late! Keep in mind my DH is a super contributer to RRSP's, stock's etc and loves to work overtime....He has everything in his name and controlled the finances (I know nothing about paying bills) So Nov. 1st he comes home and I have a kitten that I fosted back in August. Well he blows a gasket! This is cat #9. My house is VERY clean, you cant tell that I have 9 cats...they are groomed, seen by a vet regularly, litter boxes are done 3x a day and I dust daily. He will be the first to admit that too. Also, not all 9 were a suprise to him...4 were..5 he knew about before me getting them. He goes back to work the next day and calls me 2 days later and askes for a divorce! In one breathe he tells me that he loves me, in another he doesnt as a wife and felt that way for a while. I was blind sided. Our sex life was fine, he was very home sick and was all over me when he cam home, he was never distant and we never ever really fought. At first I said that my sister would take the kitten, he said no. He says he cant handle the "bull****" and that he cant live with 9 cats and feels betrayed. I understand his point now and promised not to get anymore and started to go for counselling. He isnt a clean freak at all..I do ALL of the housework. At this point, I wont give any of them up. Its not a score card but I put up with A LOT of his crap while I was at home. His family is hurt, my family is too and so are me and the kids. We are both great parents and always protected our kids and the weird thing is that he told them about the possible divorce and the definate break up right away. I think he made a rash decision too soon - 3 days after I brought the cat home. Before this we had talked about him getting a transfer and us re-locating within the provence. Everything was fine. My DR. thinks that he may have depression from all of teh stress the past year and asked if there was more to the story because it seems so simple to fix. I contacted a lawyer and she said that shes never had anyone divorce OVER pets. I do believe that the spark is gone but we can get it back. We never do anything without th kids. We went to 2 parties last year and had so much fun. The year before we didnt go out together alone once. He says that he cant commit in one breath but in the next, he doesnt know what he wants. When he ended it over the phone on the 4th, he was pretty firm. When he came home on the 7th, we talked for 3 hours (the kids were at my sisters) towards the end of our confersation he said that he would THINK about us TRYING over and I gave him a month to do so. I made him realise that we do nothing together and we need our "husband and wife only" time. I am seeing a counseller but he wont. I strongly suggest marriage counselling but he thinks he will be guilted because of the kids. I think we owe it to our kids to try and if it doesnt work than atleast we tried. What does everyone think? Please dont suggest that I re-home my cats because I wont, they are my second children and I love them and care for them very well as do my kids. Is there a way to get him to trust me again and to save my marriage? He says that hes in no rush to see a lawyer and is giving me whatever I want. Its all so weird and this shocked everyone! What do I do though if he is pushing me away? We have been having heart to heart talks on the weekends when he is home. Is is trying to say that I never want to be around his family. This isnt true. In our 12 years together Ive only missed 2 suppers with them. He agreed that he was wrong. He then said that I am no good with money that we are opposites. I told him that Ive never been invited to the bank with him and most times he was half way out the door telling me that was where he was going. We never really sat down and made budgets either. This is something that we NEED to work on. I really want him to get help before he makes such a decision to end our marriage. If we try and it doesnt work out, than atleast we tried! I think we both need a clear conscience if we are going to end our marriage. I am more than willing to change for the better, I know that Im not perfect but, he needs to too and he keep saying that he cant commit. We are having financial issues, hes stressed about his job and I think that he is trying to eliminate the one and only problem that he has control of...me! This summer he wasnt sleeping and he told me that he was feeling depressed (this was before he found work). My family DR. has some psychology training and I would just like him to speak to him to start. He is who I have been talking to. We would have to travel to see a marriage counsellor and with his work schedule, it will be tough. Jobs are very scarce where I live (town of 2000) and I do need to find one but how can I start a job when every second day Im crying then the next Im so, so angry at him and this situation? My kids are both having a hard time, especially my youngest. None of this is like him at all. I am going back to school in January. Doesnt growing apart mean that atleast one of us has changed? neitehr of us really has. I think we just got too comfortable doing our own thing. I cant change the past but I am working on today and teh future to make it better. Any help is much appreciated!
Recommended Posts