D-Jam Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Where is the fine line in your book? I was thinking about 2sure's reply to micahmo77's topic. She stated how he might have not gotten the approval of that girl's friends and thus she's dropped him because of that. I normally don't see men do this, but I notice some women treat the opinion of their friends as the holy Bible, and in the end they have the yes or no say if a guy can date their friend. Others ignore the opinons of the friends, and some just treat it as friendly advice, but not the final decision. Where do you see the fine line? Do you think your friends are looking out for your best interests? Or have you ever had friends or former friends disapprove of someone more to keep you single rather than protect you? Have any of you ever hit it off with a guy or girl, but then had it fall apart because you didn't get the approval of the friends?
berrieh Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I think that's far more likely to happen with males. My male friends are much more likely to stop hanging out with a girl if their friends (including me) don't like the girl, but my female friends are more likely to ignore the friendly advice. Personally, I'd not ditch a guy because my friends didn't like him (though I have lots of friends, of different types, and if they ALL didn't like him, that'd be weird enough to make me figure something was wrong with him), but I would (and have!) absolutely ditch a guy who dissed any of my good friends in some way.
kashmir Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I think that's far more likely to happen with males. My male friends are much more likely to stop hanging out with a girl if their friends (including me) don't like the girl, but my female friends are more likely to ignore the friendly advice. I really don't agree. Firstly, guys can care less what girls their friends hang around with. As long as she isn't totally controlling him and blatantly treating him bad in front of them, they're really not that concerned. So it's very rare that they'll actually tell their friend, "dude, we hate her" in the first place. If they happen to do that, though, I think you're right that the guy would most likely listen to them. Guys tend to know that their friends will only talk if something really extreme is happening. For girls though, come on...they ALWAYS put ALL of their friends before a guy. If one of their friends doesn't particularly like a guy, he's out. Unlike guy friends, girl friends are quick to judge and voice their opinions, so it happens very often. I remember one time I was at a party and this girl sat down next to me and started talking. She mentioned she was in this one sorority whose members I despise. I was a bit drunk, so I had no problem telling her, "Ohh, you're in THAT sorority? I'll be honest with you...nothing against you, but every encounter I've had with your group has been a bad one. I find your sisters to be self-absorbed bitches, to put it simply." Then I realized what I said and thought that it wasn't really all that necessary. Funny thing is, she stayed and talked with me like nothing happened. I even named a few specific girls that I didn't like who she said were her closest friends. I think I got a bit too confident, because as we kept talking I thought I got away with it and asked for her number as I was getting up. She gave me the most blatantly fake number ever. I called her out on it, she looked down, said "um" and then disappeared into the crowd. Really memorable encounter. If there's one thing I learned though...don't be so quick about insulting people.
Author D-Jam Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 I think that's far more likely to happen with males. My male friends are much more likely to stop hanging out with a girl if their friends (including me) don't like the girl, but my female friends are more likely to ignore the friendly advice. Personally, I'd not ditch a guy because my friends didn't like him (though I have lots of friends, of different types, and if they ALL didn't like him, that'd be weird enough to make me figure something was wrong with him), but I would (and have!) absolutely ditch a guy who dissed any of my good friends in some way. I hear you. When I opened up the topic I was only thinking of the men I know as friends. But now I think about some more shallow guys who dump girls because their friends don't like them. "She's a controlling bitch" when she's the type who has a backbone. "What is this? A charity case?" when she's not the typically hot airheads that the group normally pursues. Still seems silly though to let your friends dictate your love life. If a friend told me that she knows this woman has a BF or she's cheated on other guys he's known, then I'd take that to heart....but if I can tell the guy says "I don't like her" because he more wants company in his own "singledom misery" then I'll ignore it.
berrieh Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I really don't agree. Firstly, guys can care less what girls their friends hang around with. As long as she isn't totally controlling him and blatantly treating him bad in front of them, they're really not that concerned. So it's very rare that they'll actually tell their friend, "dude, we hate her" in the first place. If they happen to do that, though, I think you're right that the guy would most likely listen to them. Guys tend to know that their friends will only talk if something really extreme is happening. For girls though, come on...they ALWAYS put ALL of their friends before a guy. If one of their friends doesn't particularly like a guy, he's out. Unlike guy friends, girl friends are quick to judge and voice their opinions, so it happens very often. I wish all girls put their friends before guys! Some of my female friends do, but many of them do not. It sucks. Personally, I try to strike a balance, but friends definitely come before NEW guys because friends were around first and have "been there" for me. When I said how guys react to their friends suggestions, I meant their FEMALE friends as well. I agree that men are much less likely to criticize the girlfriends of their male friends unless there's real reason to do so. However, female friends of males are by far the most likely to be critical (even more so than male friends of females or female friends of females) IMO.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I cared a lot more what my friends thought when I was younger (teens and 20s). I was also much quicker to give my 2 cents if I thought they were making bad decisions. These days, I've mellowed out and am much more live and let live.
kashmir Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Personally, I try to strike a balance, but friends definitely come before NEW guys because friends were around first and have "been there" for me. I'm not saying for friends to come second to guys, but girl friends can really be pains in the ass sometimes. I met this girl 2 months ago who was totally awesome. We went on one date and we really opened up to each other and connected a lot. We ended with a kiss too. While we were talking, she told me that her 3 roommates/friends were different from her...they were more materialistic and interested in the more standard hot guy. She also told me that they were pushing this freshmen guy on her that fit their mold. We went out a few more times. The last time I met one of her friends. The friend didn't seem all that thrilled to meet me in the very beginning. I never talked to that girl again after that. Now she's bf/gf with this guy they were apparently pushing on her. That's a case of the friends having way too much influence. I liked this girl, but I went in with the odds against me from the start. I think one of the top rules of getting women attracted is before making the one girl like you, make her friends like you first.
berrieh Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I'm not saying for friends to come second to guys, but girl friends can really be pains in the ass sometimes. I met this girl 2 months ago who was totally awesome. We went on one date and we really opened up to each other and connected a lot. We ended with a kiss too. While we were talking, she told me that her 3 roommates/friends were different from her...they were more materialistic and interested in the more standard hot guy. She also told me that they were pushing this freshmen guy on her that fit their mold. We went out a few more times. The last time I met one of her friends. The friend didn't seem all that thrilled to meet me in the very beginning. I never talked to that girl again after that. Now she's bf/gf with this guy they were apparently pushing on her. That's a case of the friends having way too much influence. I liked this girl, but I went in with the odds against me from the start. I think one of the top rules of getting women attracted is before making the one girl like you, make her friends like you first. What you're talking about has a lot to do with age. HS and college age girls, it's different. Same as guys, I think. Many girls and guys don't take their relationships so seriously because they're young and figure they won't last. I know that's how I was. Of course, girls also use their friends as excuses all the time (guys do this too but in different ways) so you never REALLY know if it's a friend or something the girl doesn't want to cop to. You know?
Rubix718 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I might have cared when I was younger, but now? No way. As far as I am concerned, family and friends really have no place in deciding who or what is best for you. Only you can do that for yourself. If they dissaprove, the can kick rocks... And mind you, my family and I get along fine...same with my friends
carhill Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Where do you see the fine line? In the compatibility of each other's perspectives on the impact of friends/family on a potential R. IMO, neither side of the coin is "wrong", merely different. Where I might see dependence on friend's opinions as a weakness of character, someone else might see it as the value of strong relationships. We each see things differently IMO, women are more vocal, and I mean this globally, because they know they'll still get laid even if they are. It doesn't matter how they couch their opinions/viewpoints; some man will still want them and validate their power. That's just the way the world works
Trialbyfire Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I have a lot of trust and respect for my close friends' judgements. If they all have the same, valid issues with the guy, it will make me pay serious attention. I should state that my close friends are both male and female. Ultimately, the final decision rests with me. My call, my choice.
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