is he playing with me or have i just hurt him so much? Mens s too ...

[frannie]

We met and what a disaster. He was so uneasy and cleary felt so guilty about his wife and was worried about my H finding out, regardless he still managed to make love to me- twice!!

 

The next day he told me it was all over, to leave him alone etc, he was really nasty. I felt so used and said why did he keep ok about meeting up if it was o we?

 

He said he needs to repair his marriage. He called and apologised for being nasty on the phone, says he'lll loveme fore we and he would ok e to see me again but can't at the moment as he needs to try for his children, his wife means nothing etc. So what I want to know is.... Did I just mess him arou d too much and he finally had enough?

 

Did he see it as a challenge to get me to meet and then when I did just dump me?

Is he just not that into me anymore?

Is he apologizing so as not to pi**me off so I don't tell his wife?

Keeping me on the back burner in case the marriage doesn't work his end?

 

In my opinion it could be any of these things, more than one of them, even all of them, who knows. The important thing is he was horrible to you and made you feel used. Also, he is talking about 'working on his marriage', yet claiming his 'wife means nothing' to him. Basically he's talking a load of nonsense, he's horrible to you, and yet you're buying into it. Ask yourself why?

 

I hope you don't leave the site. I think it's always difficult when WS post on this forum because there are so many BSs who (understandably) are still angry at what their WS did, and really focus on that hurt, and on your BS. I think it takes a lot of tenacity for a WS to keep posting and to sift out posts that come more from other people's hurt and anger. But I hope you stay and keep talking.

[bentnotbroken]

I want to say once and for all, I, me, myself am not a bitter, angry BS. I am someone who on this board(and others)have been able to help AP see things with a different viewpoint. Those who don't want to engage my thoughts are more than welcome to ignore them. But there have been a few who have not only engaged but asked for prayer. With that said, support comes in many forms. All of it doesn't need to be sweetness, light and hand holding. Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is to hear what you don't want to. Support is pointing out things that should be obvious but aren't. I don't know why other BS are here, I know why I am. God intends for all to help others get to the best place possible with as little pain as possible. Yes, I have been hurt by Mr. Messy and the ow, but I have grown stronger, but I do know how close I came to ending it all and I don't want to see anyone else go through that.

[SierraRose]

OK, I have been the OW and have read many posts from OW as well...

 

Let's get are heads screwed on straight here. We all have one thing in common; MM.

MM are just that-married and unavailable no matter what they tell you. As OW, we will never get the holidays, the weekends, the love and RESPECT we deserve. MM = OW is simply nothing more than a toxic relationship.

I believe if he is really miserable in his marriage and an honerable person, he will take the neccesary actions to end it. Only then, will he be available-I don't care what excuses he has..the kids, money...whatever...reason he has for staying with the W. The way I see it HE has 2 choices-either stay married and deal with the relationship or end it.

 

Anything less will eventually become nothing but a mess. I know my days of settling for less than I deserve are over. I do not derserve to be second best and his wife does not deserve to be lied to.

I do love my MM very much and yes, he has told me I am the love of his life... My attitude it this..Do what you gotta do with your W-counciling, divorce, whatever it is...He needs to figure out what he wants. If I am truly the love of his life, then one day we will be together in a NORMAL, HEALTHY relationship, not one built on lies and deception...

Until the day comes he does leave his W(and that day may never come..) I AM UNAVAILABLE TO HIM. My MM searched and found me after 17 years, he can do it again. Til then, I am living my life for myself and my son...