mm4184 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 so my ex broke up with me in sept. we did NC for a month sorta but he missed me and started contacting me again and eventually we hung out and started sleeping together again. i figured out his PW to his email facebook, etc one day when i logged onto his computer and he was logged into facebook. i saw that he was flirting with some girls and i got really angry but didn't want to seem jealous because we weren't together. so i figured out his PW and just started checking his stuff more and found that a couple days after we last slept together, he went on a date. and that pissed me off because he was teling me he didn't wanna have anything to do with girls and just wanted to focus on himself etc. during that time he was telling me that we shouldn't get used to seeing each other because we weren't over each other and maybe we shouldn't hang out for awhile. so then i called him one day and was just crying about how he deleted my pictures and blocked me on aim and he said he just needs to get over me and not have the urge to contact me. and i kept asking if there's anything else he wanted to tell me and so he admitted that he went on a date but then realized he wasn't ready and he didn't like her. i didn't believe him because i saw that he had a ticket to some weird show and assumed he was going with her. so i asked about the show and said my friend was going to cover it for a newspaper story (which just so happened she was) and he got so mad because he said no one knew he was going and i said i didn't either and that i just asked him because my friend had told me about it. well i guess he figured out that i was checking his stuff because he didn't log into myspace for awhile and saw that it was being logged into everyday (yeah im stupid for that) and then when he made me swear i wasn't checking it he called me a liar and was just so angry and said he didn't want to talk to me or have anything to do with me until i admitted it. but i lied so much and swore so much already that i can't find it in me to admit it... he even called in sick to work because he was so angry and was asking all my friends if they knew. he is BEYOND pissed off. i know it's the better thing to do to admit it but i just feel like no matter what he's going to be angry so should i just keep my pride and hopefully one day he'll just let it go? my friend said he won't let it go and i should be the bigger person and just admit it. but this is ONE THING i've done to hurt him after the multiple things he's done that i've forgiven him for because i want him in my life.. but i feel like everything's just all bad now and there's no hope for any reconciliation after this.. what do you think i should do?? he's going to hate me either way.. if i had never let him back in my life this wouldn't have happened so i hate that it had to come to this.. i wish we just never hung out again so i wouldn't have done this... please help..
Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 You are human, you got jeolous, he is he one who got caught trying to run game on you...... Plus he broke up with you and hurt you. So what, he found out you were checking his myspace, the worst thing he does is change his password. WHo cares what he thinks about you. You are a little obsessed with the X.............but then we all get that way in OUR own way. I checked my ex's email for a month or so.............It was the lamest thing ever. One day I found a folder with a label on it........it said CRazy SH**. It was all my emails and messages..........all that emotion in a folder labelled sh**, I felt like a loser for wasting my time on this crap person, NOW if you don't get over your obsession and neediness for 8 months and you still are checking the page.....that usn't so good. But who cares??! Seriously. People stalk people in person, and do all sorts of bizarre stuff, so what......... you checked his myspace. ****It was intrusive........and maybe WE both should have not done it, but I bet it common among dumpees who were really hurt to try and check some email or webpage for updates.
Author mm4184 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 thanks.. i want to admit it to him and he said he doesn't want to have anything to do with me until i admit it. i know he'll be angry either way but i guess i should clear my conscience. it was my way of having some kind of control over the situation i guess since it was not my place anymore to act like a girlfriend. i want to speak to him in person because i don't want to get hung up on again but i doubt he wants to see me because i already tried to ask last time we talked. people said i should write an e-mail but i want a response from him when i talk! to him, this might be the worst thing ever done to him (and he did change all his PW) but to me, everything he put me through was the worst ever as well yet i forgave him. i just want him to understand why i did it and that we are both hurt and that i just want us to be able to drop it and let go so we can be on okay terms and not hating each other.. just don't know how to do that..
Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 You don't get it. What he thinks about you doesn't matter anymore. Yuo don't have to be liked by him, you don't have to appeal or impress him. You don't have to talk to him. You don't have to justify your behavior. IT IS OVER. YOU ARE YOU AND HE IS HIMSELF. Only a girlfriend would have a need to justify her actions ot get back in his good graces. His graces don't matter and neither does he.
Author mm4184 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 i know what you all mean by it doesn't matter anymore.. but to ME, it does because we were best friends before anything. and even AFTER we broke up, we were trying NC but once we talked again, it was such a relief because we had someone to confide in again. i know i have to let go, but no matter what, i need that final closure so that we don't end on such bad terms for any possibility of being ok in the future. you're going to say i shouldn't even think of that and i know, but i'm the type that keeps things in the back of my mind and worries. we told each other that we never want to lose each other in our lives but that it would just take a long time and we would have to heal to be ok again.. but this situation scares me because i feel like he's SO angry that he's jeopardizing 3 years of good things over a mistake.. yes a big mistake but i'm hurt as well! he may think it's different but it's the same HURT just different kinds for each person. and i was doing it not to invade his privacy (which i know it is) but to somewhat have SOME kind of connection or control in his life because i felt like i was going to get hurt again.. i texted him and he still hasn't responded since yesterday.. hopefully he'll speak to me soon so we can both get things off our chest and have cloure.. i hate that the holidays are coming up and i'm lonely
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