confused_2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 To give a little background info about what's going on, I'm a 22 year old guy and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm pretty independent and have just not really had an interest in dating. I'm think I'm a nice enough guy and people have showed interest in me in the past but I've just never acknowledged their interest. The problem is now I've met a great girl, who came on pretty strong when we started dating. Well, I freaked out and told her I didn't feel the connection for us to keep dating, but that she was a great person and I didn't want to lose her out of my life. Keep in mind this whole thing happened in only a couple of months time. I felt bad because I couldn't match her interest level and didn't want to lead her on if I wasn't. It was also such a big adjustment for me to make from having nobody in my life to having somebody come on so strong. Well, we kept in contact and I've come to realize how much I miss spending time with her. I sent her an email explaining how I felt about her and if she would give me another chance I wouldn't push her away again. She said she's not mad at me and that it's not my fault if I didn't feel anything before but she didn't give any indication she would give me another chance to be more than friends. What I'm confused about is if I miss her, or miss having somebody care about me so much and take such good care of me. Would it be fair to ask that we date casually to see if things develop into something more or is that selfish on my part? We've both said we enjoy spending time with each other but I know I hurt her really bad before and would hate for it to happen again because I'm not 100% sure what I'm feeling.
Ronni_W Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 having somebody care about me so much and take such good care of me. Ain't that more like what we ought to be requiring/expecting from our mommies and daddies? I heard you say that you are pretty independent but...wanting/needing to be in relationship with a contemporary for primary purpose of her/him taking good care of us is not particularly another step towards becoming a truly independent, well-functioning adult, IMO. Perhaps it has little to do with you being unfair and/or selfish, and much to do with a sort of misguided notion about your own role in your adult relationships, and your partner's role in your life?
Author confused_2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 Ain't that more like what we ought to be requiring/expecting from our mommies and daddies? Okay, yeah that didn't come out right. Maybe having somebody show a genuine interest in my life would be a better way to put it. I don't need somebody to change my diaper .
Ronni_W Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 I don't need somebody to change my diaper . <whew!> Well, that's good news . Thing is, your ex isn't showing that depth of interest in your comings and goings, anymore. Which is understandable...why would she still be interested in you when you never gave that to her? Isn't it interesting, though, that you are now missing the very same thing that you said you couldn't give her? Is that something you may wish to improve -- your ability to be genuinely interested in others, and to make them feel special and cared for?
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