belladonna Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 When getting into discussions about world events whether religion or politics or anything else is it better to just agree with a woman's point of view to keep peace or is it better to be pushy about your view and opinion? For me personally I think it's better to agree with her just to keep peace and for the sake of getting along. I don't like to argue or debate issues. I'm certainly not going to share my opinion about anything until she asks for my honest opinion first. It's better to error on the side of compromising too much than too little. I think it's not a good idea for a man to express disagreement with a woman about anything more than once a year. You can question the government. You can question the church. You can question anything anybody tells you but it's to a man's advantage that he does not question anything a woman says. Do not challenge her. Oh my.. sorry but I would get so bored of you! lol.. I love debating issues. If it's a first date or something, then yeah OK maybe you shouldn't be debating controversial things but in a relationship if you're able to "agree to disagree" then a friendly, fun debate shouldn't be something to avoid. I like confidence but not arrogance. I know too many over-arrogant guys that think they're smarter than everyone else it drives me nuts. It truly is important to have a balance between being overly cocky or a wuss..one or the other is equally as bad.
berrieh Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 When getting into discussions about world events whether religion or politics or anything else is it better to just agree with a woman's point of view to keep peace or is it better to be pushy about your view and opinion? For me personally I think it's better to agree with her just to keep peace and for the sake of getting along. I don't like to argue or debate issues. I'm certainly not going to share my opinion about anything until she asks for my honest opinion first. It's better to error on the side of compromising too much than too little. I think it's not a good idea for a man to express disagreement with a woman about anything more than once a year. You can question the government. You can question the church. You can question anything anybody tells you but it's to a man's advantage that he does not question anything a woman says. Do not challenge her. I'd get bored with a man who felt like he couldn't express a differing opinion on complex issues. I like to debate things like politics and philosophy with my friends and with my SO. I like guys who have their own opinions. Who wants a drone?
kashmir Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 When getting into discussions about world events whether religion or politics or anything else is it better to just agree with a woman's point of view to keep peace or is it better to be pushy about your view and opinion? For me personally I think it's better to agree with her just to keep peace and for the sake of getting along. I don't like to argue or debate issues. I'm certainly not going to share my opinion about anything until she asks for my honest opinion first. It's better to error on the side of compromising too much than too little. I think it's not a good idea for a man to express disagreement with a woman about anything more than once a year. You can question the government. You can question the church. You can question anything anybody tells you but it's to a man's advantage that he does not question anything a woman says. Do not challenge her. I'm never afraid to talk politics with people. I see it as a way to weed out people who are stupid or intolerant of others' beliefs. There are plenty of far-left liberals around me who will shun me and call me ignorant or even racist for even being an independent moderate. I'm not going to be a wuss and agree with everything they say to avoid confrontation. My entire family ranges from slightly liberal to very conservative back home, but my aunt out in Hollywood is radically liberal. Whenever she comes for Christmas she's constantly badgering us and trying to start fights with us. Most people just let her have her way and back down. My dad, my uncle, and I don't back down though. She's f'ing crazy and she needs someone to let her know that. I wouldn't bring politics or controversial issues up in the beginning with someone new. There's no need, and like you said it's potentially opening Pandora's box. But if the girl brings it up, I'll have no problem debating.
LittleDove Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 As much as I know its probably not the best choice, I do prefer confident men, with an 'hint' of arrogance...BUT they have to be able to back up the attitude with intelligence and capability... I find it difficult to be around nervous or insecure men. It un-nerves me. I feel like I have to be the stronger one. No thanks! My egox(the nik name says it all) was narcissistic, righteous, arrogant, and more.. but had the skills and knowledge to back it up..(when we met...things went downhill fast)..like he did on a bike...another thing that made him sexy...he was a downhill racer. That takes confidence. Right after him I hooked up with a guy who was a rebound..anyway, he was insecure, nervous, always making jokes at his own expense, he would 'shake' while driving, or while doing anything while I watched... his nerves were shocking. All that was a massive turn off. The rebound lasted about 3 weeks.
wisebutnotperfect Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 i think that different women respond to different personalities more than to others. i am a relatively humble personality but not without self confidence. my ex wife didn't seem to appreciate my humility.
LittleDove Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Ahhh but there IS a fine line here....humility is good, infact an overly confident man who is unable to be humble is unattractive, it screams...personality disorder!!! read, my egox. sociopath. Surley theres got to be a nice middle ground??? A confident man with the ability to be humble.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Different strokes for different folks for certain! Humble? No thanks. Rational, reasonable and realistic? Yes plse! I guess I equate humbleness to someone who either lacks self-esteem or is fishing for compliments aka false modesty.
shadowplay Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I'm surprised by some of the female responses on here. If a guy treats me with the slightest arrogance I immediately lose interest. I like men who are very confident but any hint of narcissism is a huge turn off for me. I associate narcissism with vanity and feminine qualities. The one exception is how a guy acts in group settings. I find it sexy when a very articulate guy has a slightly cocky way of speaking at meetings or parties. But he has to be sweet and protective of me. If his cockiness spills over into his interactions with me I lose all respect for him. Also guys who always need their egos stroked = huge turn off. Again I associate it with neediness and femininity. As others said, I like a balance between the two traits.
alphamale Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I'm surprised by some of the female responses on here. If a guy treats me with the slightest arrogance I immediately lose interest. I like men who are very confident but any hint of narcissism is a huge turn off for me. confidence and arrogance/narcissism are intertwined and cannot be separated, especially in men.
shadowplay Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 confidence and arrogance/narcissism are intertwined and cannot be separated, especially in men. I define narcissism as an overabundance of confidence and self absorption. It's possible to have a healthy amount of confidence that hasn't crossed the line into narcissism.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I define narcissism as an overabundance of confidence and self absorption. It's possible to have a healthy amount of confidence that hasn't crossed the line into narcissism. Narcissism is actually based on low self-esteem. It's counter-intuitive.
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Few women will admit this, but it's better to err on the macho side. She may complain, but her interest will skyrocket. If you have watched "Sex and the City," the character of "Big" is the ultimate seducer and gentleman. He has class, but breaks Carrie's heart occasionally. However, don't mix macho arrogance with rudeness. Being self-confident, mysterious, giving mixed signals, NOT agreeing with everything she says, knowing when to say "no," and not showing too much interest (right on the edge of breaking her heart), when accompanied by good manners, charm, and a positive attitude are - simply irresistible. Being openly disrespectful, criticizing her, putting her down, acting like a know-it-all, and being grumpy show more low self-esteem than anything else. Being a wuss is the fastest way to being dateless!!!!!!I agree.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Few women will admit this, but it's better to err on the macho side. She may complain, but her interest will skyrocket. If you have watched "Sex and the City," the character of "Big" is the ultimate seducer and gentleman. He has class, but breaks Carrie's heart occasionally.I've barely watched SATC but Big doesn't do it for me because of this: mysterious,giving mixed signals,not showing too much interest Those kinds of actions make me run for the hills or friendzone them.
LittleDove Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 See now just the 'mention' of Mr. BIG and im all flushed!!! I will admit it, im a sucker for a bad boy, tall dark and handsome man, and the punch line here is....he finally married her.(i think, the movie sucked i tried to forget it..) But, thats in the movies...in real life, getting a player to commit...is it even possible, let alone worth while??? healthy confidence, a strong man, healthy balanced emotions...thats what im after... and an edge... but never insecure!!! never. I dont define being humble as a weakness...its a quality id like to see in an overconfident guy ... i guess it only applies to my egox.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 in real life, getting a player to commit...is it even possible, let alone worth while??? It's very possible if you consider marriage a commitment... The reality of it is that real players are very selfish individuals. They're going to do whatever they're going to do, to get what they want out of anyone, regardless of words or vows spoken.
berrieh Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 confidence and arrogance/narcissism are intertwined and cannot be separated, especially in men. Narcissim is a psychological term, which is linked to massive insecurity and specific tendencies...(i.e. creating a self-image to disguise oneself and lying to protect it, needing other people to fawn over you to feed your own self image, etc) none of which have any bearing on confidence. Confidence is the ability to be happy with oneself and secure. Arrogance is an overabundance of confidence -- hubris in self-confidence, if you will. Arrogance sets one up for a fall.
berrieh Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Few women will admit this, but it's better to err on the macho side. She may complain, but her interest will skyrocket. If you have watched "Sex and the City," the character of "Big" is the ultimate seducer and gentleman. He has class, but breaks Carrie's heart occasionally. Yeah, but Carrie's kind of an idiot. Frankly, I would have picked Aidan. At any rate, I know many people who weren't big fans of Big.
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Those kinds of actions make me run for the hills or friendzone them.You can't run from somebody who's not chasing you, girl! See now just the 'mention' of Mr. BIG and im all flushed!!! I am a sucker for Big. I love the actor and the character. He's the ultimate challenge. Would loooooove to break one of them stone hearts one day! I dont define being humble as a weakness...its a quality id like to see in an overconfident guy ... Define "humble." He doesn't brag that he had all A's in med school?
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 You can't run from somebody who's not chasing you, girl! Haha...that's only if they're not chasing. You'll find that with these types, the minute you run will be the minute they chase after you. Makes me think of a puppy, chasing his tail...
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 You'll find that with these types, the minute you run will be the minute they chase after you. So they keep their cool and then suddenly, you start running - and they notice that something is moving and start chasing you? I think you may be totally right.
Kamille Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Frankly, I would have picked Aidan. Aidan :love::love: I do think the question of arrogant/low self-esteem is skewed. Clearly most men are not either arrogant or meak. But, if I look at my own past dating history, I do have a tendency to fall for arrogant guys, I guess because I easily confuse arrogance for self-confidence. In the case of my latest ex, I still have headsmacking moments of "how could I have not seen that this guy's arrogance was all a show to hide his low self-esteem?". But meak men turn me off. They don't stand a chance with me. Again, there's a difference between humility and low self-confidence. I want someone who can stand their own grounds, who won't rely on me to be the source of their "self"-validation. I hate being showered with admiration. I want to feel like a real person in my relationships, not some kind of queen to be bowed to. Often, with low-self-esteem guys, it ends up being all about them proving themselves to you anyways. They assume you want to be glorified -perhaps assume that you have no problems or opinions in your life since you're a goodlooking woman - and therefore take very little time to get to know you as they spend all their time trying to convince you that they're worth your time. Yawn. (Yes, I've just been courted by just the type). And, like many, I love debates and conversation. I want to be equal with my partner, and that does involve not always agreeing with each other. After the ex, I also want to avoid being "diminished" in order to feed somebody else's grandiose ego.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Much of what is being discussed is a difference in definition, so here's a few examples of actors in roles that are too hot to touch but baby, I would so touch! George Clooney - Danny Ocean in Ocean's Eleven Russell Crowe - Maximus in Gladiator Christian Bale - Batman in The Dark Knight Gerard Butler - King Leonidas in 300 Do you see a trend? I do! I would call these guys confident with an edge of arrogance.
johan Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Don't forget your fellow Canadian, Ed Grimley. Slightly quirky, but with a manly sort of confidence. He never second-guesses himself.
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Much of what is being discussed is a difference in definition, so here's a few examples of actors in roles that are too hot to touch but baby, I would so touch! George Clooney - Danny Ocean in Ocean's Eleven Russell Crowe - Maximus in Gladiator Christian Bale - Batman in The Dark Knight Gerard Butler - King Leonidas in 300 Do you see a trend? I do! I would call these guys confident with an edge of arrogance.I don't see a trend. George Clooney has the ultimate nice-guy face. R. Crowe seems like the kind, artistic eternal bachelor who will treat you right, but never marry you. No arrogance there. Christian Bale is a yummy bad boy, who will break your heart. Gerard Butler is the guy that your Mama will love, but he'd be insensitive and probably cheat on you. That's what their faces tell me.
berrieh Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Much of what is being discussed is a difference in definition, so here's a few examples of actors in roles that are too hot to touch but baby, I would so touch! George Clooney - Danny Ocean in Ocean's Eleven Russell Crowe - Maximus in Gladiator Christian Bale - Batman in The Dark Knight Gerard Butler - King Leonidas in 300 Do you see a trend? I do! I would call these guys confident with an edge of arrogance. Well, except for Maximus (who lived in a very different time), they all seem like they made/would make pretty ****ty husbands.
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