Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 My freidn annie is havign Everyone over for T-giving day on thrusday. My ex is mutual friends with all my friends down here. I know of a great pot luck across town that a seperate set of friends are having. I have been feeling that the best thing to do would be avoid being arond my ex for the holidays. We had very special holidays last year and with the way she dogged me and forgot about me, fake-smiling and catching a buzz around her, sounds painful. I guess I could be indifferent, but it seems like I might be too analytical and self-concious and ruin one of my favorite holidays. My other friends across town are awesome. They are my friends and have nothing to do with her at all. Will the mutual friends see me as weak or a fool for not coming? Will my ex-g/f badmouth me if I am not thier? I am worried about what message I am giving by choosing to not be in the presence of my ex (even though my good buddies will be thier) for thanksgiving? I think she is such an a**hole for how she has treated me, it is hard to see her and not think....WHAT THE FU** happened to you. What should I do?
northstar1 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 My freidn annie is havign Everyone over for T-giving day on thrusday. My ex is mutual friends with all my friends down here. I know of a great pot luck across town that a seperate set of friends are having. I have been feeling that the best thing to do would be avoid being arond my ex for the holidays. We had very special holidays last year and with the way she dogged me and forgot about me, fake-smiling and catching a buzz around her, sounds painful. I guess I could be indifferent, but it seems like I might be too analytical and self-concious and ruin one of my favorite holidays. My other friends across town are awesome. They are my friends and have nothing to do with her at all. Will the mutual friends see me as weak or a fool for not coming? Will my ex-g/f badmouth me if I am not thier? I am worried about what message I am giving by choosing to not be in the presence of my ex (even though my good buddies will be thier) for thanksgiving? I think she is such an a**hole for how she has treated me, it is hard to see her and not think....WHAT THE FU** happened to you. What should I do? Dude, do what is best for you! Who cares if she thinks of you as weak, she's your ex. I doubt your mutual friends will see you as weak - tell them you have other plans that came up first - i'm sure they'll understand. If being around her on a holiday is going to mess you up, then go hang with your other friends and have a non-stress free time!
JooLee Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 exactly! who cares what she thinks! go have a blast with your pals!
Surfer Dude Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Agreed. Seeing her can only mess you up, I suggest you stay away from her and enjoy your holidays with someone else.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Agreed. Seeing her can only mess you up, I suggest you stay away from her and enjoy your holidays with someone else. Seeing her will probably blow. I am positive I can make it through the dinner. I could also be civil and cordial but..........it will be fake, guarded, ...I won't be able to act like myself. I won't be able to be myself around her. She totallu F-ed me over and had been awful! I will probably have a knot in my stomach and have small appetite. Watching her be indifferent towards me and make jokes with my friends. I can only imagine the emotional sh** storm I would be myself through on a day that is supposed to be stress-free. My friends on the other side of town are going to have some fun, plus I am kind of dating a friend of mine and she is really cool. We joke and have fun. MY ex may be friendly to me, but it will as much bull**** as her childish bull**** love that she said she for me. Holidays are hard. I miss the girl, but I can't get over what a complete jerk she has been. Last thanksgiving was so nice with her......................... I really felt like I had my life together. I feel unglued sometimes, and its because this year is so different for me. I hope I am doing the right thing? I am really unsure. I want to see her. BUt I think it is just the memory of her that I long for....no the selfish bratty bit** she has become.
Surfer Dude Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Seeing her will probably blow. I am positive I can make it through the dinner. I could also be civil and cordial but..........it will be fake, guarded, ...I won't be able to act like myself. I won't be able to be myself around her. She totallu F-ed me over and had been awful! I will probably have a knot in my stomach and have small appetite. Watching her be indifferent towards me and make jokes with my friends. I can only imagine the emotional sh** storm I would be myself through on a day that is supposed to be stress-free. My friends on the other side of town are going to have some fun, plus I am kind of dating a friend of mine and she is really cool. We joke and have fun. MY ex may be friendly to me, but it will as much bull**** as her childish bull**** love that she said she for me. Holidays are hard. I miss the girl, but I can't get over what a complete jerk she has been. Last thanksgiving was so nice with her......................... I really felt like I had my life together. I feel unglued sometimes, and its because this year is so different for me. I hope I am doing the right thing? I am really unsure. I want to see her. BUt I think it is just the memory of her that I long for....no the selfish bratty bit** she has become. I know that feeling of loss. Exactly one year ago, I was also happy in relationship, I wasn't lonely thru my holidays etc. But it's gone now. Women we loved don't exist anymore, they have been replaced by someone who doesn't give a sh*t about us. Time to forget and move on. You said you're dating a nice lady. That's cool, give her a chance, no point eternally grieving over your douche ex who treated you like crap. You gotta stop comparing your current life to the one you had a year ago. That would be a major cause of setbacks for you.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 I know that feeling of loss. Exactly one year ago, I was also happy in relationship, I wasn't lonely thru my holidays etc. But it's gone now. Women we loved don't exist anymore, they have been replaced by someone who doesn't give a sh*t about us. Time to forget and move on. You said you're dating a nice lady. That's cool, give her a chance, no point eternally grieving over your douche ex who treated you like crap. You gotta stop comparing your current life to the one you had a year ago. That would be a major cause of setbacks for you. Good words. I have to stop comparing. They are two different things .........and things are not terrible right now. They are pretty good. Except for her still being in Carolina..............everthing is good. She leaves in MAY for good. Thats right.....for good!@!!!!! :) She truly is a douche.
ConfusedAtHome Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Go to Thanksgiving at the place with your friends where your ex WON'T be present. It will save you a lot of anxiety and heartache. I don't think anyone would think you are weak and plus it will show your ex that your are over her and moving on!
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Go to Thanksgiving at the place with your friends where your ex WON'T be present. It will save you a lot of anxiety and heartache. I don't think anyone would think you are weak and plus it will show your ex that your are over her and moving on! Thats what I will do. Thanks for helping me iron that out. This forum is the best. Period.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Last year me and my X had an awesome Thanksgiving. It was really romantic and really cool. This year mutual friends are having a get together. Everyone wants me to come, but my X will be thier. She gave me some horseS*** "lets be friends......I don't want to be with anyone right now speeech" 4 MONTHS AGO! SHe was already with someone when she told me this. I've been through the RINGER in the last months. I have come out with a fairly clear head and I feel pretty good most of the time. The holiday's are here, we had some dumb-ass small talk conversation last wed about thanksgiving and what she was cooking. She acted like she could give a F*** less about what I went through. I even told her I missed her again. Nothing in return. 3-4 months after the break-up, NO sighn of her even giving a sh**. Should I go to this dinner and be a phony baloney? Should I be around her on this relaxed holiday? Wll she tink I am a weakling if I don't go? WIll my freinds think I am weak for not going? Would a strong person who is sure of himself go despite the fact that he knows someone who F-ed him over would be thier? I don't want to put myself through sh** on a great holiday. HELP
ConfusedAtHome Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Last year me and my X had an awesome Thanksgiving. It was really romantic and really cool. This year mutual friends are having a get together. Everyone wants me to come, but my X will be thier. She gave me some horseS*** "lets be friends......I don't want to be with anyone right now speeech" 4 MONTHS AGO! SHe was already with someone when she told me this. I've been through the RINGER in the last months. I have come out with a fairly clear head and I feel pretty good most of the time. The holiday's are here, we had some dumb-ass small talk conversation last wed about thanksgiving and what she was cooking. She acted like she could give a F*** less about what I went through. I even told her I missed her again. Nothing in return. 3-4 months after the break-up, NO sighn of her even giving a sh**. Should I go to this dinner and be a phony baloney? Should I be around her on this relaxed holiday? Wll she tink I am a weakling if I don't go? WIll my freinds think I am weak for not going? Would a strong person who is sure of himself go despite the fact that he knows someone who F-ed him over would be thier? I don't want to put myself through sh** on a great holiday. HELP I can see you are struggling with this and I understand, but I think for your well-being you should not have Thanksgiving with her. If she acts like she doesn't give a s**t, why would you want to feel bad on a holiday when you could be at another friends house around people who DO give a s**t about you. I have learned with my recent break-up that it is so much easier to be around those who care for you and WANT to be around you! They will lift your spirits and make you realize that you are worthy of kindness and love. She is not providing that for you and she likely never will. It hurts, but you have to take care of yourself first and foremost.
Author Sysyphus28 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 I can see you are struggling with this and I understand, but I think for your well-being you should not have Thanksgiving with her. If she acts like she doesn't give a s**t, why would you want to feel bad on a holiday when you could be at another friends house around people who DO give a s**t about you. I have learned with my recent break-up that it is so much easier to be around those who care for you and WANT to be around you! They will lift your spirits and make you realize that you are worthy of kindness and love. She is not providing that for you and she likely never will. It hurts, but you have to take care of yourself first and foremost. She has not provided me with anything but the cold shoulder. And more than icy behavior. What a total tool I have been in thinking we could ever be friends. Now a major holiday. I feel alot of resentment and anger towards her. I won't put myself through anymore rejection or hurt. It is best if I hang out with a different crew of people.
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