NewKid99 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I have a bit of a problem. I've been seeing this woman for about 4 months. We are both 28. We see each other about 2X a week, due to hectic work schedules etc.. We hardly ever fuss/fight with one another and get along pretty good. So far so good right? Well, the only problem I got is that I have been leading the relationship on all aspects and it's getting quite exhausting. By leading, I mean planning, calling, initating EVERYTHING - I don't feel like its a two way street here and kinda feel like Im being taken for granted. Not sure what to do. Thoughts? This is really starting to upset me.
manugeorge Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Talk to her, it's that simple. Communication is VERY important, you have to learn how to express your concerns especially if it's starting to upset you. For all your know, she may not even be aware that she is not contributing as much, she may just take it for granted that you do everything. However, in order for her to wake up and and change her ways, you have to let her know that her actions...or inactions are upsetting you. I have a bit of a problem. I've been seeing this woman for about 4 months. We are both 28. We see each other about 2X a week, due to hectic work schedules etc.. We hardly ever fuss/fight with one another and get along pretty good. So far so good right? Well, the only problem I got is that I have been leading the relationship on all aspects and it's getting quite exhausting. By leading, I mean planning, calling, initating EVERYTHING - I don't feel like its a two way street here and kinda feel like Im being taken for granted. Not sure what to do. Thoughts? This is really starting to upset me.
D-Jam Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Does she show you interest? Does it seem like she wants to see you, be with you, and no one else? Or does she only seem to agree to date you and see you if you chase her hard enough? If you went a week without calling her, would she call you and say she misses you? Or would she immediately think it's over and she'll be out looking for new men? I've dated women where it seemed all one-sided. Where I am calling her, making plans, taking her out, etc. Best test is to not call her for a few days. See if she lays any chase. Every time I've done it they just never called me, and then later would be all over another guy. Tells me I was a "for now until something better comes along" guy.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 These days, we women get beaten into our heads that you should never initiate anything because it makes you look desperate and robs the guy of the opportunity to pursue you. So that might be part of it. Talk to her about it, calmly and lovingly. But please don't expect it to be an immediate 180. Give her the chance to assume responsibility for a small portion of the initiating (10% or whatever), then gradually do more and more until you feel it is an equitable balance.
berrieh Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Agree with RubySlippers. As a gal, I always err on the side of NOT CALLING since pretty much any "initiating" can be seen as desperation. If I didn't have male friends, I'd have no clue that boys actually like to be called. Books, magazines, TV...they all tell us boys hate girls who call them and think they're needy, whiny, crazy, etc.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Books, magazines, TV...they all tell us boys hate girls who call them and think they're needy, whiny, crazy, etc. Yep. When I am in a relationship, I call him 1 to 5% of the time, and it's only if I need to ask him a question or talk about something right then. It has worked out fine for me so far, so I haven't needed to change anything. But if my guy told me he wanted me to call him more often, I'd be happy to do it. I'd never do it more than half the time, though.
Author NewKid99 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Yep. When I am in a relationship, I call him 1 to 5% of the time, and it's only if I need to ask him a question or talk about something right then. It has worked out fine for me so far, so I haven't needed to change anything. But if my guy told me he wanted me to call him more often, I'd be happy to do it. I'd never do it more than half the time, though. I agree somewhat. Maybe during the initial stages of dating AT BEST. But come on.. 4 months. There's only enough of these so called tactics you can pull in REAL LIFE. But what if I pulled those tactics also, Im sure there is some mens mag. that tells me to do the same. So if the man is using tactics and the woman is using tactics, who wins? No one.
kashmir Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I find it funny that a female's perspective of what society dictates is proper is totally different than my perspective. I was always under the impression that the guy might call the first or second time, but after that it's the woman that loves to call and talk to the guy. I'm always under the impression that successful guys are always getting phone calls from women, and that if you're not getting called then you're not desired by women.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Yeah, and magazines tell men to be *******s to get women. Maybe it works for some, but it has never worked on me. I only have relationships with nice guys who treat me well, and I think women who accept less are either dumb or have no self-respect deep down. In every relationship I've had, I've left the calling up to the guy, and they have seemed more than happy to take that role. I will take initiative in other areas, like suggesting ideas for fun things to do and so on, but I leave the calling to him. Maybe it's self-protection on my part, but it's what I've always done, and it's never been a problem. I've never been with a guy who didn't call me daily, and I imagine if I had, I simply would have lost interest and moved on.
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