3 of my friends just got engaged

[lovestruck818]

3 of my friends just got engaged...and while I am happy for them, there's a part of me that is miserable, jealous & bitter. I have seen them out & about kissing other men, flirting, blatantly cheating on their boyfriends (now fiances), when I have never cheated. I believe in loyalty & faithfulness 100% and they do not...and it is disheartening to me that they are getting married before me...when I'm the one who actually values things like that and I can't even get a single solitary date.

 

One of the girls got engaged after 4 months, which I think is beyond crazy...and a stupid decision on both of their parts. You don't know someone well enough after 4 months....fck, I barely know myself after 26 years. He was stupid to propose and she was even stupider for saying yes.

 

I find that the more & more my friends "drop like flies", the more I realise how incredibly lonely I am and the more reality sets in that it may be this way forever.

[alphamale]

most likely all 3 of them will be divorced within 5 years so don't worry about it...

[2sure]

I had to laugh , just a little. Not too subtle. First. Don't be so critical of your friend getting engaged after a few months. Love happens. Maybe it will work out maybe it wont...but it isnt really your concern. The only reason I say that is because your negativity is definitely affecting you. You probably realize this.

 

I am responding not because I have great advice, because I think you are just venting, which is a good thing....but

 

Really, you are 26. If your friends are the same age...many people dont get married until they are 10 years older these days. Maybe you will be alone, but only if that is what you project onto yourself. Maybe you will find what you desire...but wow, you are not a spinster, you are 26!! I know its easier for me, with hindsight, to know how young that is...but really and sincerely...you are ok and on target.

 

Its hard when our friends get married, everyone talking weddings, moving on, maybe even having kids...but there is much more to life at 26. I feel bad for them in a way. And I love being married.

 

Ya gotta realign your attitude.

[Woggle]

They will be divorced in a few years and these men are morons for marrying them.

[mental_traveller]

3 of my friends just got engaged...and while I am happy for them, there's a part of me that is miserable, jealous & bitter. I have seen them out & about kissing other men, flirting, blatantly cheating on their boyfriends (now fiances), when I have never cheated. I believe in loyalty & faithfulness 100% and they do not...and it is disheartening to me that they are getting married before me...when I'm the one who actually values things like that and I can't even get a single solitary date.

 

One of the girls got engaged after 4 months, which I think is beyond crazy...and a stupid decision on both of their parts. You don't know someone well enough after 4 months....fck, I barely know myself after 26 years. He was stupid to propose and she was even stupider for saying yes.

 

I find that the more & more my friends "drop like flies", the more I realise how incredibly lonely I am and the more reality sets in that it may be this way forever.

 

Do the guys a favour and tell them (anonymously) about the cheating. Then not only are they saved from years of marriage hell and financial evisceration via divorce court, alimony, and child support, but you get to have your friends back too!

[D-Jam]

I find that the more & more my friends "drop like flies", the more I realise how incredibly lonely I am and the more reality sets in that it may be this way forever.

Take a step outside of it all. Seriously. Imagine they are not your friends and they're just three women you know of rather than know personally.

 

Now you know of these three strangers who got engaged, and yet they are still "shopping around" for a BBD and/or looking for attention. How would you look at them? Is it still the angst that they're getting married before you? Or now you more look at them as a trainwreck waiting to happen?

 

Also look at their RLs. Are these men and situations you would be happy in? Did they trick some doormats into putting rings on their fingers? Or perhaps they just "settled for less" so they have someone?

 

I tend to look at things now as if I were to implant myself in where the other person is, and wonder if I would be happy. For instance, you see the hot girl who always chases bad boys and takes their abuse, or the hot girl who is a total demanding princess. Many guys just see "hot girl", but I also look at either this very insecure girl who is so wanting to please that she'll become a doormat, or she'll get bored and cheat on me...or the demanding princess making my life a living hell, as well as dropping me in an instant when a BBD comes along.

 

I've shown the same to women. They at first think "why can't I find someone but my evil friends can??" but then they later see it as "she settled for less...I wouldn't do that" or "she totally got with someone she's not in love with. It's all convenience to her. Ew!"

 

You never know...you could wake up a year later and one of those engagements will have been broken, or years later and they're all getting divorces. You're 26 and have PLENTY of time. You, like many women, put way too much pressure on yourself to marry before that magic age number. Look at the divorce rates out there, or worse how many women who rushed are unhappy in their marriages? Imagine the woman who marries quickly, has 2-3 kids, then years later the marriage falls apart. Now she's out there as a single mom not only trying to support her family, but possibly struggling to get men to date her when so many run from women like that.

 

Take your time, live your life, be realistic in your standards for a man, and just wait for the right guy to come along. I've spoken to death about how to remain open and sociable to meet guys, as well as being realistic in figuring out "what you want". It's a matter of time. I thought I would be alone forever, then all of a sudden my friends introduce me to my now GF.

 

Stay positive and always see the whole picture, not the parts you find pleasant.

[lovestruck818]

Take a step outside of it all. Seriously. Imagine they are not your friends and they're just three women you know of rather than know personally.

 

Now you know of these three strangers who got engaged, and yet they are still "shopping around" for a BBD and/or looking for attention. How would you look at them? Is it still the angst that they're getting married before you? Or now you more look at them as a trainwreck waiting to happen?

 

Also look at their RLs. Are these men and situations you would be happy in? Did they trick some doormats into putting rings on their fingers? Or perhaps they just "settled for less" so they have someone?

 

I tend to look at things now as if I were to implant myself in where the other person is, and wonder if I would be happy. For instance, you see the hot girl who always chases bad boys and takes their abuse, or the hot girl who is a total demanding princess. Many guys just see "hot girl", but I also look at either this very insecure girl who is so wanting to please that she'll become a doormat, or she'll get bored and cheat on me...or the demanding princess making my life a living hell, as well as dropping me in an instant when a BBD comes along.

 

I've shown the same to women. They at first think "why can't I find someone but my evil friends can??" but then they later see it as "she settled for less...I wouldn't do that" or "she totally got with someone she's not in love with. It's all convenience to her. Ew!"

 

You never know...you could wake up a year later and one of those engagements will have been broken, or years later and they're all getting divorces. You're 26 and have PLENTY of time. You, like many women, put way too much pressure on yourself to marry before that magic age number. Look at the divorce rates out there, or worse how many women who rushed are unhappy in their marriages? Imagine the woman who marries quickly, has 2-3 kids, then years later the marriage falls apart. Now she's out there as a single mom not only trying to support her family, but possibly struggling to get men to date her when so many run from women like that.

 

Take your time, live your life, be realistic in your standards for a man, and just wait for the right guy to come along. I've spoken to death about how to remain open and sociable to meet guys, as well as being realistic in figuring out "what you want". It's a matter of time. I thought I would be alone forever, then all of a sudden my friends introduce me to my now GF.

 

Stay positive and always see the whole picture, not the parts you find pleasant.

 

You're right on target with your paragraph about the "hot girl"...but there's the thing, unfortunately all hot girls get roped into the "demanding princess, god's gift to men" mold or the "no brain, just ditz" mold or the "girl who chases the bad guy" mold...whatever it may be, I feel being a "hot girl" always has some kind of negative connotation to it.

 

I consider myself to be a "hot girl"...that's just me, you can disagree...I can meet men simply by just existing...but the problem is that no one takes me seriously in my quest for love. Being hot is a curse more than a vblessing, and that is why I am 26 and still single. If I was ugly, people would look past my looks and see the genuity and genorosity within...b/c I am pretty, all they see is just a pretty face. I'm more than that and people fail to want to get to know the complexities of me. That is disheartening.

[D-Jam]

I consider myself to be a "hot girl"...that's just me, you can disagree...I can meet men simply by just existing...but the problem is that no one takes me seriously in my quest for love. Being hot is a curse more than a vblessing, and that is why I am 26 and still single. If I was ugly, people would look past my looks and see the genuity and genorosity within...b/c I am pretty, all they see is just a pretty face. I'm more than that and people fail to want to get to know the complexities of me. That is disheartening.

Ok...you're focusing on the wrong thing here.

 

When I mentioned "hot girl", I wasn't trying to imply that all hot girls are going to either be demanding princesses or skanky airheads. I was simply more putting a man's perspective on when I was alone and yet see guys with their girlfriends and such...how I dealt with it so I wouldn't feel left out.

 

In the scenarios where I've seen the woman many men think is physically attractive, they often times are bad boy chasers and/or princesses. Yes there are women who have the combination of "hot" and "down-to-Earth", but those women tend to always be in RLs, or focused on other things in life and thus not looking for a RL at the moment, or even just isolating themselves in life and they don't even know it. I really don't know your situation so I can't assume anything about you.

 

MY BIG POINT in my other reply is rather than sit there thinking "why are they finding husbands and I can't?" look at more than just the factor that they are getting married. Look at it all from the outside and see if you really think those RLs are happy ones that will last forever, or are they marriages out of convenience. You tell me they all are cheating already on their men...so it tells me from looking at it on the outside that while they got the ring, it doesn't mean they have it all.

 

The goal as I see it for the marriage minded woman is the ring, love, husband, stability, loyalty, romance, etc...AND...it lasts til the day you die. Not the marriage where you're happy someone is financially supporting you, but you wish your husband was better looking. Not the marriage where you both are madly in love, but a year later you come home and both of you are at opposite ends of the house, barely talking to one another, much less sharing any intimate moments.

 

If you think men are intimidated by your looks, then you have to do more to show men interest. INSECURE men will think they have no chance, that you're out for a David Beckham or Donald Trump. Let them be insecure, because they lose out. However, you meet a guy you think is totally cute and he seems to have a good personality, give him some attention. Show him your interest, rather than make the mistake many women do of thinking it's all the man's job. You never know, it might get him more proactive and thinking "she wants me" and thus not think you're above him.

 

As I said before...if your standards for a man are realistic, and you're friendly, open, and sociable...then it's only a matter of time til someone notices. If it's a case where you meet loads of men, but they're losers or looking for sex only, then it's again a matter of time (and maybe change of settings). I was 26 and single, with women rejecting me all over...now at 35, many women seem to see me as a "big catch" than "he just doesn't do it for me". I mostly think it's partly due to self-improvement and change in priorities for the women around me.

[lovestruck818]

Ok...you're focusing on the wrong thing here.

 

When I mentioned "hot girl", I wasn't trying to imply that all hot girls are going to either be demanding princesses or skanky airheads. I was simply more putting a man's perspective on when I was alone and yet see guys with their girlfriends and such...how I dealt with it so I wouldn't feel left out.

 

In the scenarios where I've seen the woman many men think is physically attractive, they often times are bad boy chasers and/or princesses. Yes there are women who have the combination of "hot" and "down-to-Earth", but those women tend to always be in RLs, or focused on other things in life and thus not looking for a RL at the moment, or even just isolating themselves in life and they don't even know it. I really don't know your situation so I can't assume anything about you.

 

MY BIG POINT in my other reply is rather than sit there thinking "why are they finding husbands and I can't?" look at more than just the factor that they are getting married. Look at it all from the outside and see if you really think those RLs are happy ones that will last forever, or are they marriages out of convenience. You tell me they all are cheating already on their men...so it tells me from looking at it on the outside that while they got the ring, it doesn't mean they have it all.

 

The goal as I see it for the marriage minded woman is the ring, love, husband, stability, loyalty, romance, etc...AND...it lasts til the day you die. Not the marriage where you're happy someone is financially supporting you, but you wish your husband was better looking. Not the marriage where you both are madly in love, but a year later you come home and both of you are at opposite ends of the house, barely talking to one another, much less sharing any intimate moments.

 

If you think men are intimidated by your looks, then you have to do more to show men interest. INSECURE men will think they have no chance, that you're out for a David Beckham or Donald Trump. Let them be insecure, because they lose out. However, you meet a guy you think is totally cute and he seems to have a good personality, give him some attention. Show him your interest, rather than make the mistake many women do of thinking it's all the man's job. You never know, it might get him more proactive and thinking "she wants me" and thus not think you're above him.

 

As I said before...if your standards for a man are realistic, and you're friendly, open, and sociable...then it's only a matter of time til someone notices. If it's a case where you meet loads of men, but they're losers or looking for sex only, then it's again a matter of time (and maybe change of settings). I was 26 and single, with women rejecting me all over...now at 35, many women seem to see me as a "big catch" than "he just doesn't do it for me". I mostly think it's partly due to self-improvement and change in priorities for the women around me.

 

I know it sounds dumb but i wish I was in a crappy, failing relationship than no relationship at all. I have been in both situations and I am happier with someone than without...whether he is sh*tty or not...but it sucks, b/c I'm not really willing to settle. No one who I want wants me and the ones I don't want do.

[2sure]

lovestruck - you know there is nothing wrong with you. You want a partner but havent met him yet. People who prefer to be paired , feel the most lonely with the holidays. Its that time of year. You will not spend them all alone in the future. It is still a good time of year.

 

With the friends weddings etc., your feelings are magnified.

But its temporary. Hold your course!

[D-Jam]

There's an irony here:

 

I know it sounds dumb but i wish I was in a crappy, failing relationship than no relationship at all. I have been in both situations and I am happier with someone than without...whether he is sh*tty or not...but it sucks, b/c I'm not really willing to settle. No one who I want wants me and the ones I don't want do.

You realize choosing a crappy failing RL over alone is settling in life.

 

2sure said it best.

 

I know you feel down and lonely right now, and because I'm a man I'll never understand how you women get all down like this. I guess all I can do is to tell you to try to find ways right now to fulfill your life and not sit there focusing on your singledom.

 

If you want, share some examples of the men you wanted who didn't want you and why it is you think they didn't want you. Maybe we can help.

[lovestruck818]

There's an irony here:

 

 

You realize choosing a crappy failing RL over alone is settling in life.

 

2sure said it best.

 

I know you feel down and lonely right now, and because I'm a man I'll never understand how you women get all down like this. I guess all I can do is to tell you to try to find ways right now to fulfill your life and not sit there focusing on your singledom.

 

If you want, share some examples of the men you wanted who didn't want you and why it is you think they didn't want you. Maybe we can help.

 

They don't want me b/c I'm pretty...honestly. Every guy who I have liked has said something along the line sof "ur pretty so i fear u will cheat" "ur pretty so that means ur not smart" "ur pretty so u'd look good as my date to a wedding or be good in bed but I can'r date someone like you"...that is all anyone ever says. I am simply looked at as a sex object, nothing more. It has been like that since I can remember.

[lovestruck818]

And the OP being 25 and not having a degree is certainly attributing to his problem...

[D-Jam]

They don't want me b/c I'm pretty...honestly. Every guy who I have liked has said something along the line sof "ur pretty so i fear u will cheat" "ur pretty so that means ur not smart" "ur pretty so u'd look good as my date to a wedding or be good in bed but I can'r date someone like you"...that is all anyone ever says. I am simply looked at as a sex object, nothing more. It has been like that since I can remember.

Sorry to hear. I guess then it comes down to the calibur of men you're after. Plus look at it that at least you get their insecurity now and not let's say down the road when you've married and had a family with one of those losers.

 

I never understood that. When I see guys who are paranoid about their women cheating on them. I figure if the "hot girl" is dating me and wanting to be my GF, then it shows me she's not shopping around for other men. Plus if she does cheat on me, then I know who she is rather than waste good time worrying.

 

I feel for ya. Seems like I know a lot of beautiful women who can't seem to find good men.

 

And the OP being 25 and not having a degree is certainly attributing to his problem...

I don't get it. You're saying you're 25 and no college degree?

 

Do you have a career? Stable life?

 

Men are turned off the 25 year old who never went to college, lives at home, works in a job meant for a teenager or in some dead end job, and simply shows she's looking for a man to take care of her.

 

Adult Men are not turned off women who don't have a degree provided they have a stable job, can take care of themselves, and show they WANT the man rather than NEED the man.

 

Men simply fear the woman showing them interest is only seeing them as a wallet and sperm bank.

[lovestruck818]

Sorry to hear. I guess then it comes down to the calibur of men you're after. Plus look at it that at least you get their insecurity now and not let's say down the road when you've married and had a family with one of those losers.

 

I never understood that. When I see guys who are paranoid about their women cheating on them. I figure if the "hot girl" is dating me and wanting to be my GF, then it shows me she's not shopping around for other men. Plus if she does cheat on me, then I know who she is rather than waste good time worrying.

 

I feel for ya. Seems like I know a lot of beautiful women who can't seem to find good men.

 

 

I don't get it. You're saying you're 25 and no college degree?

 

Do you have a career? Stable life?

 

Men are turned off the 25 year old who never went to college, lives at home, works in a job meant for a teenager or in some dead end job, and simply shows she's looking for a man to take care of her.

 

Adult Men are not turned off women who don't have a degree provided they have a stable job, can take care of themselves, and show they WANT the man rather than NEED the man.

 

Men simply fear the woman showing them interest is only seeing them as a wallet and sperm bank.

 

ack the last comment was for another thread...no I have a degree...i def. have a degree and i WONT date anyone without one.

 

I also own my own home and I ahve a great job...not a ton of money, but status-wise, yes.