raerae2411 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 So, my boyfirend and I met online. We've been dating for about 6 months now. Recently we have been arguing a lot over really stupid things so I am hesitant to bring up this issue but it's really bothering me. Since we met online we both have our accounts to various sites. I typically go on when I get a email that says I have new activity just to check it out but I am not at all interested in looking for anyone or anything. I was on the site where my BF and I met the other day and noticed that he logged on too a couple of weeks ago, not to look at my profile. I don't exactly know what he's doing but I think it's similar to what I do. I know he has names on other sites as well and I know he had them before we met. It is now making be uncomfortable and really bothering me and I think we should both delete all of our accounts and do it together. However, since we've been arguing so much I don't want to bring up another issue right now. What should I do and say to him?
Tony T Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I wouldn't hesitate to bring this up...but not in a mean way or a threatening way. Just let him know how you feel, that you feel saddened that he's still visiting that dating site. If you learn how to have disagreements in the proper way, you won't have these nasty fights. If after you let him know that it makes you sad that he still has a profile on the dating site he continues to go there and he doesn't take down his profile, dump him forthwith.
Maggs Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Correct me if I'm wrong here, but are you saying that you're disappointed because your boyfriend is continuing to log into his account on a dating website? But aren't you doing the exact same thing? Maybe it's just as innocent as what you're logging on for. But it's sort of the pot calling the kettle black isn't it. I don't mean to sound rude. But I would have thought after you started a relationship together, you both would have ended going on those sites right from day 1. I suggest you both do that now. You can hardly get mad at him for the exact same thing you're doing. Because his activity may be just as innocent as yours on there. And if you bring it up to him in an accusatory manner--he can turn around and point the finger back at you. Then you've got a big argument on your hands.
Island Girl Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Correct me if I'm wrong here, but are you saying that you're disappointed because your boyfriend is continuing to log into his account on a dating website? But aren't you doing the exact same thing? Maybe it's just as innocent as what you're logging on for. But it's sort of the pot calling the kettle black isn't it. I don't mean to sound rude. But I would have thought after you started a relationship together, you both would have ended going on those sites right from day 1. I suggest you both do that now. You can hardly get mad at him for the exact same thing you're doing. Because his activity may be just as innocent as yours on there. And if you bring it up to him in an accusatory manner--he can turn around and point the finger back at you. Then you've got a big argument on your hands. Exactly what I was going to say.
Author raerae2411 Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Ahhh....you two missed my point...i am not accusing him at all. i want us to both get rid of our profiles, together because i put myself in his shoes and imagined how it might make him feel knowing how i felt...my question is, is it ok to have this convo or am i thinking too much about things.
Island Girl Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Ahhh....you two missed my point...i am not accusing him at all. i want us to both get rid of our profiles, together because i put myself in his shoes and imagined how it might make him feel knowing how i felt...my question is, is it ok to have this convo or am i thinking too much about things. Then why wouldn't you have a conversation about it? I mean, if you are feeling like you are in a relationship and having those types of conversations, then of course you should talk about taking your profiles down. And it shouldn't even be that big of a deal if you are proposing on taking your profile down as well. In fact, you can propose it by talking about your profile and, mentioning that since you were now seeing each other, you are thinking you should take your profile down - and had he had those same thoughts? You did mention you have been arguing over stupid things. Perhaps he is feeling as you are about your profile. But for whatever reason something is going on (one side, the other, or both) to have these little "stupid" arguments. That would be foremost on my mind than the profile issue.
The LDR-er Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 sorry i just wanna get one thing stright, before i jump in with my comments:) you said you guys meet online, does that mean you have been dating though internet for the past 6 months? or have u guys meet up? also when u are arguing is it via phone of msn ( or anything similar)?
Maggs Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Ahhh....you two missed my point...i am not accusing him at all. i want us to both get rid of our profiles, together because i put myself in his shoes and imagined how it might make him feel knowing how i felt...my question is, is it ok to have this convo or am i thinking too much about things. Most definitely! Do what Island Girl has suggested. You make the first move, then suggest he do the same. It's only respectful for the both of you. And I agree that he's probably stressing about the same thing as you. You never know what's going on inside a man's head! Sorry for the confusion earlier. Thanks for clearing it up.
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