mar77 Posted September 7, 2003 Posted September 7, 2003 I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. It has only been a week and I’m having my ups and downs. I know in my heart that I have done the right thing. What I’m worried about is that he thinks he has done something wrong in the relationship. When we broke up I told him, I wasn’t happy and in my heart it didn’t feel right between us anymore. He seemed a little shocked and didn’t know where to go from there. I feel that he is hurting and am worried about him. I know that when you break up you should void all contact and I have done so. I am wondering if it would be a bad move to write a letter to fully explain why I chose to end the relationship and to reassure him that he did no wrong in the relationship. I don’t know whether this will help us both to move on with our lives or if it would seem like it’s going backwards. I don’t wont to get back together with him, I just want reassurance for my own piece of mind that he understands that what we had was great but it just didn’t work out for us. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
yes Posted September 8, 2003 Posted September 8, 2003 i think writing such a letter isn't such a bad idea. just specify that you don't want a response - i.e. make sure there is no contact between you after this letter. good luck! -yes
bridget Posted September 8, 2003 Posted September 8, 2003 I've been through a break-up recently, so I'm not entirely qualified to advise you - as I'm still influenced by the way I'd act in my own situation. However, I think that writing a letter is a good idea. Not only will it give you the opportunity to somewhat comfort him (although that's totally not your duty, but understandably you still care, I'm guessing) and let him know your reasons as extensively as you want to tell him. But it will also give you peace of mind, and hopefully get it totally out of your head. Like the previous poster wisely said, state that you don't want a reply. Getting into a correspondence is another way of getting sucked back into the why's and hows of the break-up. Make it factual, but not totally formal...in fact I'm not going to give you any advice on how to write it. Write from your heart, but don't forget to consult your head, too. Good luck with it, I understand how confusing it is to know whether you're stirring things up again, or laying it all to rest. Ultimately you know what's best Bridget
Fancy Posted September 24, 2003 Posted September 24, 2003 Personally, I think writing him will only open up wounds for him and put you at risk of having him hanging on your doorstep when you've clearly stated you don't want a reply or contact with him. Why not write the letter, hang on to it for a week or two while you give it some thought and then make a decision at that point? Once it's sent, it's sent. Don't send something you can't get back. I think guilt is working on your right now, but you may be actually doing him more harm by writing to him.
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