tobe Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Good evening, This is my first post! Well, I met someone online via a website for singles. We spoke on the website, later on the phone, then IM. We have talked for a while now. We have not met because we live an hour away from eachother. We both have decided to just let things be and not stop talking via IM. However, I am not sure if I should continue talking to this person, who does not want to pursue anything because of the distance. He feels that many couples who live far from eachother it does not work out. I like him very much and I am willing to wait until he is ready to meet. I may move in about 6 months to his area... he knows about this. I am hoping to talk to him until then. My question to everyone, should I continue talking to him or let it go? This is the first time I meet someone online. I need advice. The funny thing is that I must really like him to continue this. Thanks!
Angel1111 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 We both have decided to just let things be and not stop talking via IM. The funny thing is that I must really like him to continue this. If you both decided this, then why is it bothering you? An hour drive is not that far so I really don't see what the big deal is. Are you moving to his area because of him, or for some other reason? I wouldn't put too much importance on the fact that you like him. Relationships aren't one-sided, so it's not just your feelings that matter. And you won't get any awards or extra points for being overly tolerant of things you don't like. If he's holding back, then you've got a problem and you need to back off. It sounds to me like you're saying, "I must really like him to put up with this."
Author tobe Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 I wouldn't put too much importance on the fact that you like him. Relationships aren't one-sided, so it's not just your feelings that matter. And you won't get any awards or extra points for being overly tolerant of things you don't like. If he's holding back, then you've got a problem and you need to back off. It sounds to me like you're saying, "I must really like him to put up with this." I appreciate your response. Thank you! I was thinking of moving to his area before I met him because of school. You are right, in the past, I would have dropped this guy in a heart beat. Why am I still tallking to him? Bottom line, it is normal to sacrifice in order to get what you want? right? This whole online thing is weird. I need advice on how to deal with this situation? He is the one with the issue of distance.... an hour is not a big deal to me. However, I am so busy with school that I think I enjoy getting to know him more over IM....then meet later....if it happens.
Habibti Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Personally, I wonder what he's hiding to be honest. I agree that an hour is NOT that long. Some people might live 15 miles from eachother and it takes an hour to see one another due to traffic. I don't buy it, I think he's probably one of those lonely internet people who want a "relationship" but can't make anything reality. It just sounds too fishy to me, honestly.
prettybaby Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I wouldn't take online people too seriously. At least not until you meet in person. And when you do, be prepared for a big disappointment. A lot of times, the chemistry when you meet in person is just not there. You think you have chemistry by phone and e-mail, and then you see them right there in front of you, and *poof* it's all gone. Which is why you should probably not focus on one person only. Meet as many people as you can, no strings attached, no headaches. Just meet people and see, and if you ever happen to be in his area and that he feels like meeting up, then give it a chance. But don't overthink it right now, it's too early to worry.
shockandawed Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I have done online dating on and off several times over the last few years. It is not uncommon to "meet" people who you never end up actually meeting. My experience has been that the image you are developing this guy to be and who he actually is isn't all that similar. After a reasonable time, when people keep putting off meeting but want to continue talking, then they are always hiding something. An hour away is nothing. My gf lives an hour and half and the distance is a non issue. He knew how far away you lived when he started talking to you, right? He kept progressing, IM's, calls, etc..just when it came time to meet he decides to bring up the distance. You have to realize online dating really is a numbers game. Too many times, people are no where close to what you imagine when you finally meet them. Like I said, my experience has been that they should be willing to meet at least casually in a public place within a week or two of chatting and talking. If not, you really need to move along. You may enjoy talking to him, but if you continue, you definitely don't want to invest any farther emotionally. Talk to others as well, my bet is you will find others equally as interesting who actually are willing to meet you.
Author tobe Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Thank you for all the wonderful emails I appreciate it! Let's see what happens LOL All the best!
Trialbyfire Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 tobe, if the guy seems to hit all your high points, then insist on a meeting. If there's something missing or off, back off now.
xjadex Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 Good evening, This is my first post! Well, I met someone online via a website for singles. We spoke on the website, later on the phone, then IM. We have talked for a while now. We have not met because we live an hour away from eachother. We both have decided to just let things be and not stop talking via IM. However, I am not sure if I should continue talking to this person, who does not want to pursue anything because of the distance. He feels that many couples who live far from eachother it does not work out. I like him very much and I am willing to wait until he is ready to meet. I may move in about 6 months to his area... he knows about this. I am hoping to talk to him until then. My question to everyone, should I continue talking to him or let it go? This is the first time I meet someone online. I need advice. The funny thing is that I must really like him to continue this. Thanks! Hon, I've been in your shoes. I met a guy online around eight months back and we chatted online, then it crossed over to the phone and he called everyday for all those months. He'd wanted to meet me, from as early as two weeks of knowing him and we arranged to meet a few times and I 'flaked' on him everytime. All those times I'd 'flaked', was because I just didn't feel ready to meet him and I would get nervous, really nervous as the time approached. But I did tell him that one day I'd be ready and I told him not to give up on me, that one day we would meet. He was real upset that I kept flaking and I guess he could've just gave up on me and moved on.....but he didn't. He stuck around for all that time and was really patient with me. He obviously liked me enough to wait and he thought I was worth the wait... Is this guy worth the wait for you? Guy in my situation is also an hour away from me and an hour is not really that far. An hour I feel, is not a good enough reason not to meet. Some people are in LDR's and they are thousands of miles apart....but they still arrange to meet and do meet. To cut a long story short, I did finally meet the guy I'd been chatting with for all that time and a few nights ago and it was just so 'surreal'. To finally be in the presence of the voice at the other end of the phone.....words can't describe it. I was just totally overwhelmed. I'd also been really nervous, was real insecure, didnt think he'd like me in 'real' life and I hadn't thought the meeting had gone that well....but he was everything I'd been expecting him to be and was exact same in 'real life' as he'd been on the phone. Because I hadn't felt the meeting had gone well, I didn't expect him to call me ever again....but he did and has and he wants to see me again. I say if you like the guy and his feelings for you are mutual, hold out for him and if you two have a connection. Otherwise you will always be left wondering 'if only' and 'what if'....
Author tobe Posted December 11, 2008 Author Posted December 11, 2008 He hits all the high notes and more LOL Thank you for your response
Author tobe Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 Wow, thank you for sharing. Today, I was talking to my friends about it and they were like let him go... but I know I do not want to. A day before Thanksgiving he said we should meet and talk on the phone again. Unfortunately, I was leaving town. So.... we will see what happens next. Thank you for responding. Now, I feel confident that I am not a loser for being patient. Good things to you and your relationship!
twilight_enchantress Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Personally, I wonder what he's hiding to be honest. I agree that an hour is NOT that long. hmmm???Habibti, u have a point!! if u are really interested in a person.. i personally think that distance is not a hindrance right???
shockandawed Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 Tobe, I have some concerns with just waiting and seeing what happens. The biggest one is you appear to be falling for this guy. You are definitely smitten and pretty well indicate you are clearing off your plate for him. That is all well and good, except you have no idea who he really is. Casually chatting with someone, being content with just being pen pals if nothing else attitudes typically don't send people to relationship advise boards. You said you met on a dating website. That alone indicates you BOTH are looking for at least a dating partner. Are you still active and seeking other dates as well? I am reasonably certain he is. Does he still access his profile regularly? How much do you really know about him? Where he works, activities, etc.. You are putting stock in the fact he did ask to meet over Thanksgiving, except you were going to be out of town. Since you are talking pretty regularly, I would imagine he already knew that before he said anything. If he is legit, then my guess is you are on his bench. He likes talking to you, etc..but for whatever reason, he is persuing someone else. He is on a dating website, which means he is talking with others as well. He progressed normally with you up to the meeting part, then went cold. I doubt he got on this website just to chat and email people. He is keeping you on the hook though in case things don't work out. My other guess is he isn't legit. He is hiding something, whether it's his relationship status, past skeletons, personal flaws, etc...either way doesn't sound promising. As has been pointed out several times, an hour is nothing. Insist on a meeting, even if it is just a few minutes at a fast food place somewhere in between. Surely you both can find two hours in the next week or so to do this. There is no way of knowing who he really is, or more importantly, knowing if there really is any chemisty until you do actually meet him in person. You may convince yourself that it doesn't matter, he is a great guy and you will be attracted to him regardless, but what about him? What happens if you do convince yourself of this, wait and wait, finally meet and he goes "eh...you're not exactly what I had in mind". You have just wasted time and emotional energy on a dead end.
Author tobe Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 shockandawd: Wow, I am really impressed by your post. Yes, I see what you are saying.... he is absolutely keeping me on the hook. He knew I was going out of town that's why he mentioned the "perhaps we should meet sometime".......hmmmmm Wow, I think you nailed it pretty well. You do bring shock and awe lol I do like him very much but I am also seeking to meet others....has not happened yet....but I am open. I wanted to end it this past weekend...he was not online though.....as if he knew lol I am hoping to meet him during Christmas vacation. However, I will not mention it.... he has to do the leg work. Therfore, we may not meet....lol I need to come to a conclusion of how I can get rid of him lol I have gone mad I tell you..... love is about the chase. Thank you for bringing light to this situation. It is much appreciated. Bottom line we need to meet.... I just do not know how to make that happen.....really it is up to him. So much pressure to meet...that now I am not tha excited to meet him anymore....we have out off metting for so long that now...it builds anxiety....not good. Therefore, if he does not make the move any time soon....... bye bye I am done..... All good things to you! Love your post.... I take it to heart....thank you! Tobe
Author tobe Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 BTW: Yes, I know a lot about him because I searched for info online. So... I absolutelty know he is not a weirdo.... first thing I did
Recommended Posts