am_i_krazie Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I have never done this before, but I really dont know who to talk to about this and I need an outsiders point of view. I am in a relationship that I feel is going no where. We have been living together for 4 1/2 years and he has no plans of marital commitment. I will admit, at one point in our relationship, that is what I really wanted more than anything. I dont feel that that is what I want anymore. I feel like I need to move on. He will be 26 in a few months and has the maturity of a 15 year old (severe peter pan syndrome). I feel like I cant have a serious adult conversation. maybe I have out grown him? but all of this wouldnt be so bad, but he has a bad track record with me lately about telling the truth and keeping things from me. He was talking to other women via email sexually and he lies about going out to strip clubs to meet pornstars that are in town on tour or whatever and is COMPLETELY obsessed with porn. Dont get me wrong, I dont have a problem with pornography but when its all you talk about and look up online, it becomes a problem. We fight often over his lies and his attitude towards me. He has no regard for my feelings lately and I can't quite figure out why. Well, here is my dilema, I don't feel like he is happy with me anymore since he cant stop talking with other women, and it is making me unhappy that I dont trust him anymore. I still love him and even after everything he is done, I can't bare putting him in a situation where he would experience emotional pain. Well, I have a friend at work that I have started to get really close to. Him and I actually went out together last weekend to an auto show (just as friends and my boyfriend knew exactly where i was and who i was with). He picked me up from work sat. afternoon and after the auto show, when he was dropping me off (at my job where my car was), we ended up sitting in his truck in the parking lot just talking for 3 hours. I could talk to this man forever, he stimulates me mentally. I dont think its because of him I feel this way about my boyfriend now, I think he just inspires me to be myself. He brings out things in me that I thought I had forgotten about. So much so that my boyfriend is constantly saying things to me like "since when do you like auto shows" or "you don't usually say things like that, who have you been talking to?" I think about this man at work alot, not that I want to BE with him, I just enjoy spending time or talking with him. (I call him a man because I am 23 and he is 43...but could easily pass for a 33-35 yr old) I dont know what I am asking for, I guess I just want someone to tell me that i am not going crazy, because I feel like I am.
windows Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 You're not going crazy; your current relationship isn't working well so naturally your mind is scanning for alternatives. As for this new man I can't offer any advice. About your current boyfriend though; he needs to wake up and smell the fresh air. You say he has Peter Pan syndrome; have you spoken to a counsellor about him? Love is only worth it when it is reciprocated. Feelings do change with time and its unfortunate his feelings for you haven't matured with the relationship. Children easily bore of 'fun' things; which may be what he saw your relationship as. He's taking your presence in his life for granted: "Familiarity breeds contempt". So; porn for him is like a kid in a toy store; except this is a store that sells naked female bodies. You do love him but you say you're not sure you want to marry him anymore and he doesn't plan on marriage anytime soon either; have you spoken to him about this? No point sticking in a dead end relationship. Basically; if there really is no way for you to have the deep relationship you want with him; either force him into the reality of how you're feeling (I'm no expert but counselling might help) or let him go and find someone who will be mature enough for you. Facing a breakup might knock him back into his senses .
Author am_i_krazie Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 No, We havent seen a counsler, I just feel like he refuses to act his age and be a responsible adult. he promised me in febuary this year that he wanted to marry me and he would ask me sometime this year, but about a month ago he told me that he is not ready and he admitted to making excuses and putting me off because of this. Of course he isnt ready, like I said he has the mentality of a child. he is more interested in going out and buying the latest accessories for his truck than going to ikea with me to pick out a new bed or something we actually need. I am just to the point now that I am tired of playing housewife all the time and have nothing to show for it, I feel under appreciated and taken for granted. My friend and I spoke about my relationship that night we hung out and he basically told me that he thinks that I should get out on my own and have some time for me. I agree, I just don't want to hurt my boyfriend because he is so simple minded that he thinks that everything is good because I am not arguing with him, I am just sitting on the opposite side of the living room with my laptop in front of me ad his in front of him. i guess i am just tired of living this way and my friend inspires me to do things for me.
Author am_i_krazie Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 After I signed off of here last night, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument over something ugly he said to me. Its not always what he says, its how he says it. I feel like i am treated like a child when i am the one holding up our relationship and entire household. I feel like I sound bitter over this and maybe I have every right to feel the way I do, so why do i stick around, why am I still in this relationship that has become nothing more than lies and dis-honesty (on his behalf) which lead to fights and arguments and me staying up all night crying over how stupid I am but still loving him. I didnt JUST relize all of this, I have known it for a while, I just feel like I am starting to get numb. I dont really have anyone to talk to about this because all of my friends are "our" friends (except the one at work) and they all think that I am over reacting. But they dont see the side of him that i do, they just see that he is a "fun guy" and always wants to go do something with EVERYONE. I want some advise on what I should do. I guess it is just easier than trying to get it from people that you feel are going to judge you.
oceangrl Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Wow...hes really not worth crying over!! I don't think you are over reacting. I think your gut feeling that is telling you that this guy isn't right for you but you're afraid of listening to it. He doesn't satisfy you emotionally....how long can you be in a relationship with a man that doesn't stimulate your mind and instead makes you cry? I think your crying because you're disappointed and you're probably feeling that emotional emptiness that your bf isn't filling. I think you already know what you have to do....its just doing it that is the hard part.
Perry Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I am in a relationship that I feel is going no where. We have been living together for 4 1/2 years and he has no plans of marital commitment. I will admit, at one point in our relationship, that is what I really wanted more than anything. I dont feel that that is what I want anymore. I feel like I need to move on. He will be 26 in a few months and has the maturity of a 15 year old (severe peter pan syndrome). I feel like I cant have a serious adult conversation. he has a bad track record with me lately about telling the truth and keeping things from me. He was talking to other women via email sexually and he lies about going out to strip clubs to meet pornstars that are in town on tour or whatever and is COMPLETELY obsessed with porn. We fight often over his lies and his attitude towards me. Well, here is my dilema, I don't feel like he is happy with me anymore since he cant stop talking with other women, and it is making me unhappy that I dont trust him anymore. Whether or not it causes him "emotional pain" or not, read what you have written. If you have to, print it out and read it back to yourself several times a day. Don't feel stupid for loving him. When we, as humans are in love, a drug is released in our bodies that, sometimes, makes us do stupid things, that makes us addicted to the one we are in love with. The drug literally clouds our thinking. You are not at fault. It is human nature. Perry TheList.FM
Author am_i_krazie Posted November 27, 2008 Author Posted November 27, 2008 you guys are right, I think I know what I need to do. It just seems really hard. I spent a while venting to a co-worker but I dont feel like I have the guts to actually go through with leaving. Maybe I have this feeling that everything will eventually work out. But it hasn't yet. Maybe I feel guilty that I am kinda insterested in my new friend and i feel like i would be leaving him for someone else. Although I would not be because I don't believe he is interested in me. I just feel like he inspires me to do things I want to do and my boyfriend keeps me down and doesnt want me to do things that make me...me. Its just kind of refreshing to know that I can have an intellegent conversation with someone.
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