Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 3, 2008 Author Posted December 3, 2008 wow thanks I never thought of that! His meds he takes may affect his ED that may very well be possible I will see if he can message this to the doctor that is very helpful to know I think he has taken viagra before but not long enough I don't think for it to work not sure how long the meds take to work?? I know Cialis has a 36 hour one but I need to research it more I guess although sometimes I just think it would be better not to have sex at all and focus on the intimacy instead....Thanks norajane for your support!!!!!
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 I am feeling very lost right now and angry I am such a selfish fool to think that maybe there was hope we could have sex and show our love in that way Our hope has been dashed well he went to the doctor today and his insurance will not cover the meds for a 5 day supply it is like 89 dollars! There are no generics available and even private insurances won't cover without Dr's preauthorization and with his insurance it is utimately rejected. I am angry at myself and hurt that I actually thought there was hope! He saw that I was disappointed and he was then upset now he has as he said not upset about it anymore yet I am still feeling down I am not understanding this because I don't love him any less I just want to forget the whole thing Why the hell do people need to procreate anyway!!!!!! Our lives would be so much easier without the pressures of sex! I just wish it didn't exsist only to make our lives harder! I mean tell me why insurance covers birth control but not ED meds which may help to make the sex possible? I am so flippin upset right now I feel selfsish for wanting something he is not able to give and because I do love him it hurts even more he says we will find other alternatives and that we can't lose our intimacy but I don't want to try to feel the failure he says I always run away and that is how I deal with problems. I am lost I can't think anymore! Please help me!
norajane Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 He doesn't have to take those pills every day, just when you want to have sex. A 5 day supply...if you have sex once a week, a 5 day supply covers a month of sex. And that's a LOT better than no sex, right? That's more than a lot of married couples without ED have! And that's only $18 per sexcapade. Isn't there any way you can work that into your budget? Oh, and insurance covers birth control because it's a lot cheaper for them if you DON'T have a baby than if you do.
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 4, 2008 Author Posted December 4, 2008 Thanks Norajane I am letting my emotions get the best of me I just get discouraged. There is not gaurantee that the pills will work and I see one obstacle as a another failure if that makes sense but we will never know if we don't try I just let myself believe there was hope instead of just being happy with what is I foolishly wanted more and I should accept it instead of pushing the issue! I don't know it sucks!
norajane Posted December 4, 2008 Posted December 4, 2008 Have faith. And look into ordering the pills from Canadian pharmacies. I've heard that can be less expensive. But make sure they are reputable so you are getting the real thing, and not a fake. They will require a prescription.
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Thanks Nora You have been very supportive and I appreciate it! last night I was cold and distant with my husband I did not like feeling that way and letting the disappointment control me leads me to forget what is most important We are going to start counseling tommorrow to work through these issues we both have them when and if we do have sex i want us to be comfortable with it if not it may feel forced and it may not work THAT I think is his biggest fear He feels as long as their is hope He may be able to please me one day but if he tries and fails there is no hope I am trying to understand this but it is hard. He told me he is scared and I am too Sex is not something we can force we both have to want it in order to feel it!! Where could we find those canandian drugs...???lol:D
norajane Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I'm very glad to hear you are starting counseling together! Take it slowly and have faith. You two obviously care very much for each other, and that will get you through, no matter the outcome. Unfortunately, I don't know which Canadian pharmacies you can turn to for ordering the prescription online. There are a few Canadians who post here - maybe one of them will be able to make a recommendation.
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 5, 2008 Author Posted December 5, 2008 Awww nuts oh well we will look into it! Yep we are starting counseling tommorrow and you are also right, we love each other very much and I honestly feel we can make it through anything In 2005 he lost his leg shortly after we got together and I was so scared that I was going to love him less I had little confidence in myself but I was wrong I loved him more so I know that if it happens we can not have sex perse I will still love him tommorrow more than I love him today! I guess for him it is hard being a man I think men put way to much pressure on themselves thinking their penis makes or breaks them as men that is a sad life. I tell him His heart is what makes him a person not the size of his penis! We are thinking about just getting a small supply of the meds just to see if it works the doctor says if he can get a partial erection without the meds then the meds should work sooooooo maybe we can try it!~Chrissy
Sunshine11 Posted December 5, 2008 Posted December 5, 2008 I can totally see how this can be so difficult for you. Humans are considered to be sexual beings. Also, nature doesn't seem to have intended that two beings should have sex with only one person. Monogamy is a societal construct; and marriage is a commitment. As an above-poster mentioned, he can please you in other ways. I don't presume to know what your sex-life used to be like before the onset of his condition, but you are both free to redefine it under the current circumstances. He can use his hands and his mouth to satisfy you, and you can recreate what a healthy sex-life is for your relationship. In addition, there are medications that can help with his ED. However, at least some of them are to be used with caution in someone with diabetes mellitus, and only under a physician's direction and monitoring, so I am glad he has agreed to talk to his doctor about it. I am so sorry you two are going through this, but I am confident that there are ways around it. Best of luck!
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 6, 2008 Author Posted December 6, 2008 Thank you sunshine for your supporting reply! We went to counseling today for the first time and it was a uplifting but scary experience to say the least but we came to some realizations. First, we are both scared of disappointing the other that can make intimacy hard let alone sex. Secondly, We have only tried having sex about 2 or 3 times and it did not work out as we planned and each time we would feel disappointed and not willing to try again! We have been talking now like all of our options have been exhausted and we have been trying for years to know avail but that is not the case. Our sex life is not as fulfilling as it should be because we have been afraid to try. We are now going to work on being more intimate and see if we can get to the actual intercourse We just have not been giving ourselves a fair shot and were giving up before we really even tried. I have insecurity issues as does he and I tend to run away when I face something that is uncomfortable to me and that is part of the problem but we are going to work on it I love him with all my heart!
norajane Posted December 6, 2008 Posted December 6, 2008 I'm so glad to hear counseling is helping already!
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 7, 2008 Author Posted December 7, 2008 Yes the counseling is helping tremendously We have been talking about this and communicating more It is great We also showered together today which we have not done in a long time! It was fun and wonderful and there was no pressure We just went with it! I am realizing these things can not be planned It just happens... I am realizing we may not have sex right away and that is ok! thanks again!~Chrissy
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 9, 2008 Author Posted December 9, 2008 We are getting closer to having sex. I am not sure if we should have done this but we set a date of when we would like to try having sex if we have not already done so by then? Does this sound cheesy? I don't want us to have to much pressure though so that is why I am worried. I do want us to work towards a goal so we will see what happens. ~Chrissy
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Hey I guess noone is interested in my sexlife anymore.... I'm just joking We are getting closer and closer and it is so wonderful Just wanted to let you all know thanks for all the support!
norajane Posted December 10, 2008 Posted December 10, 2008 We are getting closer to having sex. I am not sure if we should have done this but we set a date of when we would like to try having sex if we have not already done so by then? Does this sound cheesy? I don't want us to have to much pressure though so that is why I am worried. I do want us to work towards a goal so we will see what happens. ~Chrissy It doesn't have to be pressure...make it romantic! Plan a special evening focused on relaxation and temptation and teasing. The sex will follow!
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 10, 2008 Author Posted December 10, 2008 Hey NoraJane Thanks for the advice I think we are going to do that but we are now realizing that trying to get there is pretty good and a wonderful adventure he pointed out today that we have forgotten what it was like to LOVE on each other We didn't stop loving each other but we forgotten the closeness we could feel and the tenderness it is amazing this may just be better than sex...lol
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 15, 2008 Author Posted December 15, 2008 We shared an intimate experience where we just touched each other! it was not actual intercourse but it felt so wonderful He has not touched me this way in a long time! I think we have lost sight of just loving each other without getting caught up in the sex! The whole experience can not be so technical I mean when we make it really technical we lose the romance!! You know what I mean???? Well just an update for all yas!
Lauriebell82 Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 I love him with all my heart! He is my life! I am willing to wait for whatever God has planned for us! I am not sure if his condition is curable as he has diabetes and ED I think since he has a hard time maintaining an erection! He does see himself as a failure sometimes and that hurts me more than anything as to me his manhood is measured by his heart not the size or functionability of his penis! I accept this as the last thing i want to do is make him feel worse We share some wonderful time and cuddle and are very close but sometimes I wish for more and then I think I am being selfish and should be happy with what I have rather than wanting more! It is hard because we have so much passion for each other we share some intimate moments where it feels so deep like we actually have sex and then I get sad because I feel like our passion is being held back!! He said he is willing to speak to his doctor! I know it is not that he chooses not to have sex with me if it was that I think I would feel more inclined to stray because I would feel like he just didn't want to have sex! I also feel like it is my fault I know it is not but I feel like it is! Thank you all for your help and support! ~Chrissy He should speak with his doctor, because there are medications and things to help with ED! If you are curious you could "google" ED and see if you can find some information or solutions yourself.
melodymatters Posted December 15, 2008 Posted December 15, 2008 We shared an intimate experience where we just touched each other! it was not actual intercourse but it felt so wonderful He has not touched me this way in a long time! I think we have lost sight of just loving each other without getting caught up in the sex! The whole experience can not be so technical I mean when we make it really technical we lose the romance!! You know what I mean???? Well just an update for all yas! I think you are a very admirable woman WFC ! And it sounds like you two have a very loving bond, which is too rare in these "ME first" times ! I agree, that a months supply of ED drugs is well worth whatever else you might have to budget out. I agree that just touching in intimate places can not only be a good subsitute for vaginal penatration, but can create even more fun, confidence and intimacy. If your husband is worried about pleasuring you, wouldn't he very much enjoy using his...other members to bring you to a screaming orgasm ? And lastly, DON'T put too much pressure on this first time sex, like making a certain date seems a bit stressful to me. Even a guy with well working parts might feel too pressured if you told him ' Dec 20th, at 8pm, you WILL get hard and we'll have sex !' I think the fact that you 2 are best friends is your greatest strength. Agree that you two will just keep trying, loving, kissing, touching, AND using medical resources until you find what works. good luck to you both !
Author wildflowerchild98 Posted December 16, 2008 Author Posted December 16, 2008 Thank you both for your replies!!! Yes we do have something very rare and special during a time where everyone seems to be just concerned with their own pleasure or gratification. I look at it this way I am in a relationship and I have learned that both parties need to work together to make it work and it is something we must work at everyday We can't ever take love for granted and I think sometimes we tend to get comfortable with a situation and go with it rather than work to change to make things better. If that makes sense??? I think your right Melody I don't think the setting the date thing is a good idea. I don't want to add any extra pressure to a delicate issue. I think we will work on getting the viagra and see how things go and work with it! I thank you again for all your warm support!
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