williamz Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 This is what makes it torturous. The fact that she dumped me for no real reason. I wish at least it was for another guy, so it would be concrete and over. Instead I get a few breadcrumbs every now and then. (calling on my birthday, wanting to catch up, acting friendly and very jokingly like we did when we were together). This whole ordeal has been going on for a really long time, she initially flaked on me over the summer break in june. When we got back to school in august we had sex and she told me how much she missed me, but then it kind of fell apart after me flipping out over the uncertainty of things. I got really sick in september and had to withdraw and come home. I haven't initiated any contact since, and we've had very limited contact (a couple friendly texts, a call, and some friendly IMs). I am going back to school for the next semester, she was very interested in when id be back and mentioned seeing me. Regardless, I know there is nothing there and it's just holding out hope, yet I can't stop obsessing over this situation. The fact that she isn't with another guy just prolongs this for me i think. I'm setting myself up for disappointment if I expect to get back together when I'm back at school. The rational part of me knows with 100% certainty that it's over. Yet at the same time I'd like to be friendly with her and it's really hard to not respond to her contact when I'm lonely, depressed, and miss her (I play it cool, of course, when I do respond. make her laugh, and act as if everythings great). Sorry for the rant. but the condensed version is: I wish my ex would get with another guy so I could fully heal. It will be very hard for me to be living down the street from my ex, when we are both single and both have positive feelings for each other.
fabulousgal Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 um why let her control your ability to move on! reach around to your back, do you feel that bumpy thing in the center running from your neck to above your bum? It's called a back bone! you better recognize. you move on regardless, who cares what she does. why don't you find a new dudette to hang out with or take up some new hobbies you don't have time for such a flake!
EmperorR Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 blah my ex cheated on me dumped me and is with someone knew adn i sitll have to deal with the hope crap
lofi_tokyo Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 blah my ex cheated on me dumped me and is with someone knew adn i sitll have to deal with the hope crap Yupyup same here. Them finding someone new hurts! I guess its nice as its a sure sign to move on... but still, ouch!
Author williamz Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 how do you know when you've past the normal post break-up hurt threshold and moved onto actual mental problems? like i have depression and anxiety, but i really think this hanging onto hope and having obsessive thoughts about the situation is some form of OCD or something. also am I kidding myself by thinking that the fact that there was no climax or resolution to this break up is making it harder for me to move on. (madly in love with me the entire freshman year, crying as i leave for the summer, and then just turns cold over the summer out of the blue. no cheating. no betrayal) that's how i rationalize still being hung up over this after a few months. I think if it was a logical break up with another person involved I'd be able to just accept the finality of it and be 100% committed to moving on instead of analyzing miniscule glimmers of hope to death.
4by4 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Dude, I hope you don't take offence to what I'm about to say. Seriously, you should count yourself lucky. Many people on these boards have had to put up with much much worse. Personally, i feel fortunate I didn't break up with someone nasty and inconsiderate. Why ask for a painful death when you can rationally decide to move on with your life. You should really make up your mind if the possiblity of a relationship with your ex has any future. If your head tells you 100% it's over then concentrate only on one thing within your control.. YOU! When we start looking for external factors to MAKE us move on and get over our ex, the strategy is deemed to fail. It shows you are not really that willing to give up on her yet.
roghornio Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I can tell you now that you may think it will make things easier, but the day you find out she is with someone else really will not be pleasant.
Surfer Dude Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Dude, you really don't want that. I have been dumped by my fiance and replaced by a new guy in less than a few days, plus she told me about him on purpose. Can't tell you how terrible that kind of pain is. Be happy you don't know what she's doing. That would be the point of NC anyways.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 blah my ex cheated on me dumped me and is with someone knew adn i sitll have to deal with the hope crap It is crap. Thier I was wanting to get back together and kiss a girls mouth that had been god knows where the last 3-4 months. I was thinking of her like she was the same awesome girl I met years ago instead of the medusa-esque two-faced liar she has become. What a shame! We are all plagued by the good memories and the time we shared. Tokyovogue? Are you going top call youe ex this holiday season, or are you going to send out a message.......You are not worth talking to on these special days...?
Peter_pan Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 yeh trust me, i thought tht would be it, i could mentally not want her back, but i do... so yeh that dosnt work. only makes things worse if she is wiv sum1 new
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 It's called a back bone! you better recognize. you move on regardless, who cares what she does. why don't you find a new dudette to hang out with or take up some new hobbies you don't have time for such a flake! Are you listening williamz? This is exactly what you need to do. Either find your backbone or take back your balls from her. No one defines your life for you.
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