Rubix718 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Ok, I've searched through the archives and I haven't really found an answer to this question... So what are your opinions about approaching attractive women at your job? And ladies how would you feel about being approached by a guy (co-worker) at your job? Is any kind of "hook up" possible or is it an automatic no go? I get the feeling that it's sort of like hitting on women in a place of worship simply because there is a time and place for everything. But I'm asking because there is a lady at my job who does appear to have an interest in me because we've exchanged glances here and there and I've caught her staring at me quite a few times, however due to the circumstances, the approach would come off as awkward. Simply starting "small talk" is out of the question because we really have no reason to talk with one another due to the way that the office is organized, so any "talk" would obviously mount as an approach, which again is a "risk" because she may not really have any real interest in me and-- it could start a lot of gossip in the office if things didn't go as predicted. I like the philosophy that someone in here made that "you miss 100% of the shots that you don't take." But i'm not really sure wheather it's worth the risk. All advice is welcome, however I'm moreso interested in hearing the opinions of men and women alike who have firsthand experience in this.
Green Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Probably a bad idea but with that said I've aproached plenty of women at work. Just be friendly with her even though it will be obvious, invite her out for a drink after work "Hey me and some of the guys are going out for drinks after work, want to come?" I mean you just have to be smooth... I once saw my friend pick up a chick during a murder trial we were watching during the lunch break in the courtroom
sscutie Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 In my opinion i think u should stay away from office romances... it could lead to many complications
tincanman99 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I just went through this with a coworker. Dont do it. You will live to regret it, its nothing but problems later. Its fun in the beginning till the relationship goes south and you have to look at each other every day.
JoeNat Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 DO NOT DO THIS!! I know it might be rough because you might actually like this person but I did this with a few people at my last job. I couldn't wait for them to either get fired or quit. Keep it professional only until one of you leave the company.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 If people at work get together, thats one thing. But purposely trying to pick up women at work is a recipe for disaster. I have a rule to never get involved with anyone at work. Because if it doesn't work out, then it will make for an awkward, possibly hostile work environment. I know, you can't sometimes help if the person you think you are meant to be with works with you, but that is different from using work as a meat market.
fral945 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I say go for it if you'll be quitting or leaving soon. Otherwise you're probably asking for trouble.
D-Jam Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I've heard to death people talking about how they will never date anyone at their offices or company, etc, etc, etc. I understand that it can lead to drama if things don't work out. However, many of these same people (most of the time women) also live in the irony of an isolated life...but yet they want someone. So they lament on how hard the dating scene is, maybe try an online dating site but quickly quit the first sign of an undesirable man. Their social life is just hanging with friends and not many new people come in. So they basically keep themselves from meeting potential mates. We as Americans spend so much time at our workplaces, that we can't afford anymore to think it's an off-limits zone when it comes to dating. My only suggestion is to NOT date someone you DIRECTLY WORK WITH. So when I was single, I would not let's say try to date the producer or account person I see every day in meetings and such. However, if I happened to meet a pretty finance person I never see in my work...I can't see anything wrong with it. It's also good to gauge it all on THEIR INTEREST. So if I think pretty finance girl is totally date-worthy...but she's only being friendly and not flirty, then I assume she's not interested in "more". If she's totally being flirty and such, then I'd politely ask her if she would have a problem going out to lunch or dinner with me. Try to not get too close too soon and definitely keep an air of adult honesty. So if things don't work out and even let's say he/she is childish and blows you off, just walk from it rather than give them the "what's what". In the end, your career is MORE IMPORTANT...PERIOD. Don't throw it away for a SO.
tincanman99 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 2 words: sexual harassment All a woman has to do is say you are sexually harassing her at work and you will be dead meat. The personal aspect could be huge, when the relationship ends but you and her will be uncomfortable.
Viking Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 2 words: sexual harassment All a woman has to do is say you are sexually harassing her at work and you will be dead meat. The personal aspect could be huge, when the relationship ends but you and her will be uncomfortable. Tact is part of it though. I don't see the problem with asking someone from work out. I did and she said yes. If it doesn't work out like you hoped, there's always the option to call it off before it gets ugly and someone gets emotionally hurt. Go for it, you can't get fired for it. One of my managers walked right by as I was asking for this girl's number and I was supposed to be back at my station cleaning. He didn't say a thing.
kashmir Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I've never worked in an office and hopefully never will, so I have no idea what's right or wrong in that environment. Everyone makes it seem totally taboo to do anything as far as flirting in an office. That seems a bit extreme to me. Asking someone out isn't sexual harassment. Just be nice and don't get too sexual.
Author Rubix718 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 I've heard to death people talking about how they will never date anyone at their offices or company, etc, etc, etc. I understand that it can lead to drama if things don't work out. However, many of these same people (most of the time women) also live in the irony of an isolated life...but yet they want someone. So they lament on how hard the dating scene is, maybe try an online dating site but quickly quit the first sign of an undesirable man. Their social life is just hanging with friends and not many new people come in. So they basically keep themselves from meeting potential mates. We as Americans spend so much time at our workplaces, that we can't afford anymore to think it's an off-limits zone when it comes to dating. My only suggestion is to NOT date someone you DIRECTLY WORK WITH. So when I was single, I would not let's say try to date the producer or account person I see every day in meetings and such. However, if I happened to meet a pretty finance person I never see in my work...I can't see anything wrong with it. It's also good to gauge it all on THEIR INTEREST. So if I think pretty finance girl is totally date-worthy...but she's only being friendly and not flirty, then I assume she's not interested in "more". If she's totally being flirty and such, then I'd politely ask her if she would have a problem going out to lunch or dinner with me. Try to not get too close too soon and definitely keep an air of adult honesty. So if things don't work out and even let's say he/she is childish and blows you off, just walk from it rather than give them the "what's what". In the end, your career is MORE IMPORTANT...PERIOD. Don't throw it away for a SO. Thanks for the advice, this actually sounds more feasible than just taking the "just walk away" approach to it. Especially if I'm interested. I see her everyday, so the out of sight out of mind idea is hard to apply here. She and I do the same job, however we don't work in the same group or unit. I see her fairly often (think once a day), but I've never had a reason to speak to her other than the occasional "good morning" or anything beyond two words (and that might happen once a month--if that). I also think the "air of adult honesty" is key to avoid any nasty breakups and eventually a hostile work environment as someone else mentioned before. If we do end up going out, perhaps I should suggest maintaining the same relationship that we already have in the office, which is to barely talk to each other. No notes, lunches or small talk about dinner plans in the office. I know I'm getting ahead of myself here, but is this unrealistic? Other opinions are welcome as well thanks in advance.
Author Rubix718 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 2 words: sexual harassment All a woman has to do is say you are sexually harassing her at work and you will be dead meat. The personal aspect could be huge, when the relationship ends but you and her will be uncomfortable. I thought about this beforehand. Perhaps asking her out after work hours technically wouldn't constitute "sexual harrassment", especially if it's outside of the work facilities. But I don't think asking someone out respectfully is grounds for sexual harrassment anyway. If things progressed and eventually took a wrong turn, then I'd probably just save grace and ignore her.
edinsvet Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 2 words: sexual harassment All a woman has to do is say you are sexually harassing her at work and you will be dead meat. The personal aspect could be huge, when the relationship ends but you and her will be uncomfortable. I wouldn't do it. Because I go to work to make money. But a lot of relationships start in the office. If you do it correctly it is not SH. I am not a lawyer. But in my position I need to know the rules. It is my understanding that making polite small talk to a co - worker is not sexual harassment. If you are her supervisor or manager or in any way her superior, then you should not under any circumstances make an advance on her. But if you are equals, she is fair game. You should still be extra respectful. Anyway the company christmas party should be right around the corner. That could be a good time to get to know her a little better. Just be friendly with no expectations and see where it goes. I am the boss so all the girls in my office are off limits, but I see my employees occassionally hook up with each other. There was even a marriage once. So far they are living happily ever after.
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